MST of Cruel and Unusual Punishment by Silent Dan

...oh no, not that, anything but that! Get away from me. GET AWAY FROM ME!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

...oh, it’s you.

Well, here we go again [groans] here’s a little special fic...OK, so it’s special only to me... and not that special, at that.

The reason? Well, it is a fic by a friend of mine. He took some characters he created and used them to make fun of a popular TV show (or an unpopular one, depending on your opinion).

I kinda enjoyed it (it’s kinda weird, but that’s normal with this thing ... I think), I hope you enjoy this riffing of it.

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[The scene: A large ... cinema, with a front door to the far back to the right. At the front is a large screen, standard with any cinema you care to go to. At the far back in the middle, there is a square hole with a projector pointing through that hole at the screen. Speakers are situated symmetrically around the room. In the middle lie several seats (normal to any cinema) set in several rows across the floor (which is slanted slightly downward towards the screen, by the way), leaving space for two evenly situated isles from the front to the back. A typical cinema ... or is it?]

Voice (singing): (Homer Simpson) I’m watchin’... ...watchin’ the film. Oh oh, wat-chin’...

There’s nothin’ on the movie screen.

David: There sure isn’t

Voice: (H.S.) AAAAAAAH!

David: Hello to you, too

[David is currently standing a few short inches in from the door.]

Voice: When did you get here?

David: I just did. I heard your singing.

Voice: Really? You like?

David: Sure, It was great.

Voice: Really?

David (flat): No.

Voice (mumbling): Lousy rotten piece of shit!

David: What was that?

Voice:...nothing.

David: Oh, okay.

[David sat in one of the seats three rows from the back, in the middle section.]

[Jarred enters]

Jarred: We the only one’s here, huh?

Voice(Annoyed): Obviously...

Jarred(sarcastic): You’re in a happy mood.

Voice: Shutup!

Jarred: No.

[Jarred sits in the seat left of David.]

Jarred: So what are we in for, this time?

David: Wouldn’t have a clue. Something crap, no doubt.

Jarred: Oh, yeah.

David: Who else is comin’?

Voice: Noone you’d know.

Jarred: Really?

Voice: Yeah. One of them knows you, though.

David: Really? Who?

[Corey and Cozza enter]

Corey: Me.

Jarred:...who are you?

David: I’d like to ask the same question.

Voice: I told you you wouldn’t know ‘em.

Corey: Well, I’ll start with names. I’m Corey and this kid here is my li'l pal Cozza.

Jarred: And this guy in the roof says you know us. Is that true?

Corey (sarcastic): No, Jarred, I have no idea who you and David are.

David: He knows us, we’re dead.

Corey: I know you. I can’t kill you, though.

Jarred: Oh, phew.

Corey: My friend can, though.

David: Who? That kid?

Corey: What?! No! My friend isn’t here. He’s at home. He created you.

David: ...now I know we’re dead.

Corey (slowly walking towards the seats): Ahh, relax. I doubt he’d kill you. He’s got a book/show he wants to create with you guys. You’re pretty safe. ...for now, at least.

David (sarcastic): I feel much better.

[Corey takes the seat right of David and Cozza sits on the seat just right of that]

Voice: Let’s get this show on the road...if I can find what were doing...I’ll be a few minutes.

David: So...you’re friend...who created us...who is he?

Corey: I can’t tell you much. All I can say is he’s known as ‘Silent Dan’. He used to be called ‘MAD DAN’...but, because of circumstances out of his control, he decided to change it.

Jarred: What’s his real name.

Corey: I can’t tell you that.

Jarred: Why not?

Corey: I have my reasons.

Cozza: Can we get on with it?

Voice: Ok, I got it. Places everyone, IIIIIIIIIIIT’S SHOWTIME!!!

All (sarcastic): yay.

[the fic begins]

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT –

When Ultima Warriors have to replace the Sailor Scouts

Jarred and David: ...WE’RE DOING THIS?!!

Cozza: What’s wrong with this fic?

Corey: They’re in this.

Cozza: Oh.

> . . . Better put in a subtitle . . .

> Subtitled: Ultima Moon

Jarred: Oh boy.

> By MAD DAN

David: I thought you said he’s ‘SILENT Dan’.

Corey: He is. He wrote this before he changed his name.

Jarred: He lived up to his name, too - this fic is insane.

> Jarred: ‘Ranger’ Mars

Jarred: That’s me. Unfortunately.

> Rachel: Sailor Ditz (Moon)

Corey: It fits.

> Adam: ‘king’ (queen) Berol and Melvin (Twirly-eyed kid that also seems to be in an episode of Pokemon near the beginning)

Cozza: I don’t remember that.

Corey: Me, neither. Oh well.

> David: Ranger Uranus (king of ‘butt-heaven’ from ep1 SRN)

David: That is old. ‘Silent Dan’ changed it. Now I don’t appear until episode 5.

Corey: We knew that.

Cozza: I didn’t.

> Jessica: Sailor Psycho

Corey: I’m not sure that’s right.

David: It’s right, trust me.

Corey: If you say so.

> Sarah: Sailor Jupiter (no need to explain)

Corey and David: I disagree.

David: You do?

Corey: ...yeah. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

Jarred: You’re damn right! And a stupid one, at that!

Corey: Oh, shutup, Jarred!

> John: Tomato Mask (Tux)

Cozza: Splat.

Corey: It’s better than SPALT!

David and Jarred: DON’T GO THERE!

Corey: Ok, I won’t.

> Arlilia: Sailor Whore

Corey: (Rove) WHAT THE...?!!

> Yuki: Drunken Sailor

All but Cozza: Ain’t it the truth.

Cozza: What is?

Corey:...never mind.

> Stiriox: Luna (black cat)

Corey: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

> Andaron: Little version of himself (Artemis)

Corey: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

> Rewew: Reeni

Corey: Why?

David: Well, someone had to be. Dan chose her first.

> Nick: Navy Sailor

Corey: What’s that about?

Jarred: We starred in this and we still don’t get that.

> Mark: Andrew

Corey: The unimportant former-boyfriend who works at a fruit-and-vegetable shop...interesting.

> Bianca: Sailor Venus

> Kaelli: Sailor Mercury

David: They were the only ones left.

> Kale: (Minions)

All except Cozza: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Cozza: What’s so funny.

Corey: You wouldn’t understand.

Cozza: Try me.

Corey: No.

> Usual Disclaimer Crap:

Cozza: That suggests that this isn’t the only fic he’s done.

Corey: Trust me, it isn’t

> I (Daniel Ferguson) own Supertron and all its contents.

Corey: Looks like I didn’t have to tell you.

David: What kind of name is that?

Corey: The name of the person who can vaporize you if you say that to his face.

David (grabbing his own collar): (Homer Simpson): Ohr hoh hohrw

> I do not want to own Sailor Moon, as it is just tooooo weird!

Corey: That’s true.

I claim nothing that isn’t mine (SM) and I do not wish to get into any legal disagreements, as I am only borrowing whatever it is that I will be borrowing.

Corey: You can keep it.

> Best before the sixth day of the sixth month of every sixth year. Use by 14 March, 1342 BC. As Microwave ovens vary, cooking time may need adjusting to your particular oven. Shaken, not stirred. Pre-heat oven to 500 degrees before baking. Instructions not included. Made in Taiwan. Jeez, careful with that thing! If symptoms persist, see your doctor. Accessories each sold separately.

Corey: That was some funny thing put there for no reason.

David: Oh good, I was worried I’d have to figure out the meaning of it.

> It was a beautiful day down at Supertech HQ.

David: If there is such a thing.

There were no aliens, monsters, mutants or demons to fight. All was peaceful. Quiet and peaceful.

Jarred: That’s strange.

> Outside Supertech HQ, however . . . well, Rachel was there. It was utter chaos.

Jarred: Ahh, there we go. Back to normal.

> “Hi, everybody!” Rachel squealed.

David: Shutup!

Everyone else outside ran away from her screaming.

Jarred: What would you do?

Corey: I’d be keeled over in pain.

David: That makes ... well, everybody.

“Was it something I said?” Rachel asked ~~no one~~ the fairies, pressing her finger against her lips to try and focus.

Corey: (Homer) It wasn’t what she said, it was how she said it.

She started sucking and blowing.

Jarred and David: Don’t ask us how.

The remaining flies that were still there looked like stunned mullets. Only in the form of flies. Weird, huh?

All: Definitely.

> SMACK! There was now one less fly, courtesy of Adam swatting it with his hand.

Cozza: That’s pretty quick!

Everyone else: That’s Adam for ya.

> “Damn insects,” Adam said, gliding down to the ground from his spot up in the air. “Now I’ve got fly guts all over my hand.”

Corey: That is pretty disgusting.

> “Hi, Adam!” Rachel squealed. Adam clenched his jaw in pain.

Corey: I’d like to know how he’s holding it. And which jaw, top or bottom?

> “Guys, I’m sorry,” Jarred said, as he appeared on the scene by the strangely unusual method of just walking right up and appearing in the camera’s line of sight.

Jarred: Don’t ask me how I did that. Even I don’t know.

“We’ve gotta do another fic.”

> Adam’s eyes shot wide open, as his mouth opened and closed without any words coming out.

Corey: Ooh, they must be pretty awful, since this is Adam we’re talking about. ADAM!

Jarred: They are.

Corey: I know, I was in one. But it wasn’t this bad. Adam would have shrugged at the one I was in.

> “Yep, sorry bro.” A moment for the full hopelessness to sink in passed. “We’d better get this over with. The others are waiting for us, and the sooner we start the sooner we finish.”

Jarred: Well, technically it’s true.

> “I like sugar!” Rachel said.

Jarred, David and Corey: WHO CARES!?!

> “Yes, I know. But that’s not going to get you out of it.”

> “ . . . What is . . . ‘it’ . . . exactly?” Adam asked, fearfully.

> “Um . . . “ Jarred pulled some notes from his pocket and read them. “Oh shit. It says here, we’ve gotta do a (Gulp!) Sailor Moon fic.”

> Adam’s eyes shot wide open. Rachel became completely silent. Then she said, “Um, the sky’s blue?”

Corey (sarcastic): You’re kidding!

> Jarred sighed. “Yeah, that’s about the gist of it.”

Jarred: I’m not sure why I said that. I think I was ignoring her.

Corey: That’s a good Idea, but it’s very difficult.

> Sadly, like kids heading off to school, the three started towards the studio, where they would be about to be subjected to various fan-fic tortures.

> “WE’RE DOING WHAT?!” Jessica shouted.

David: She does that a lot.

> “Yes, that’s what it says here,” Andaron responded, referring to his copy of notes.

> “There must be some kind of mistake,” David said, hoping against all odds. “This can’t be happening.”

David (bored): Oh look, it’s me. (sarcastic) yay.

> “It can and is,” Andaron stated.

David: I hate when he says that.

> “Help.” Right then, Jarred, Adam and Rachel walked into the room, and were promptly given scripts. Adam had a look at his.

> “Well, at least I’m evil. That’s a small mercy.”

Corey: According to the cast thingy, you also play Melvin.

David: That’s bad. But there are worse parts.

Jarred: Such as...

David: Sailor Moon.

Jarred: Oh yeah.

> “Yay! I’m the star!” Rachel squealed. Everyone else suddenly looked at her, fear in their eyes.

David: Can’t trust her as far as I can throw a planet.

> At that moment, Rewew, a golden-haired elf-girl in Adam and Rachel’s class, walked in.

> “What’s going on here?”

> “Rachel’s the star of our next fan-fic,” Sarah said.

> “Great,” Rewew said flatly.

Corey (flat): Woopee.

> “Ah, so you are the replacements for the Sailor Scouts?” a alcohol-laden female voice said, sounding like it belonged to a very drunk person. The Ultima Warriors and company turned around, and found the creator of Sailor Moon,

Corey: Naoko Takeuchi...not that anybody cares.

holding a Vodka in one hand, waving her other hand around dangerously. [Well, I’m {MAD DAN} presuming it’s a she. Umm . . . sorry, that’s the only description I can give you. I mean, a guy couldn’t come up with a ‘Magical Fairy Princess’ story, could he? Could he?]

Corey: Don’t worry, pal. It’s a she. Only Japanese girls’ names end in ‘ko’ ... I think.

> They all looked scared.

Corey: That’s understandable.

> “S-S-Sailor Scouts??” they said.

> “. . . We have to play the Sailor Scouts?!” David choked.

David: Not literally, of course.

> “Well, that’s what I drunk it says, but I’m too think to answer all your questions right now, and I’m not your father –“ the horrible fiend that created SM fell over, completely out-cold.

Corey: ...Okaaay...

> Adam dared to stand over the body, looking down at it. He picked up a stick.

> “I think it’s dead,” he said, as he poked it. He poked it again. “Yep, definitely dead.” He poked it a few more times. Then a few more. He started to enjoy this, as he poked it some more, giggling with glee. Everyone else took a few good steps away from him.

Jarred: Well, he was going crazy. He was acting normal for a normal guy. Him being normal is staring at a comedy. Not laughing. STARING!

> “Sorry,” he said, stopping himself.

> (* Roll SRN alternated Sailor Moon intro song *)

> (~.~ indicates what is actually sung.)

Corey: Let’s see how well he got it.

> ~ Fighting evil by moonlight

> Winning love by - ~ (er, eating chocolate? Oh well.)

Corey: It’s supposed to be ‘daylight’...oh well.

> ~ Never running from a real fight! ~ (Cut to scene of all characters running around madly, yelling, “Oh my god! It’s a REAL fight!”)

Corey: That never happens...but it should. It shows their character.

David: Oh really?!

Corey: ...OK, so some of them are portrayed wrongly, big deal!

> ~ She is the one named - ~ (Singer: Line please.

> Director: Sailor Ditz!

> Singer: Oh. Right. Ditz.)

> ~ She is the one named Sailor Ditz!

Cozza: Which one’s Ditzier, Sailor Ditz or the singer?

The rest: Good question.

> ~ She never turns her back on a frie-end! ~ (Rachel turns away from ‘friend’ and walks away, thus letting them die)

Corey: Chasing after an icecream truck again, are we?

David: Or a sugary-cheese van.

> ~ She’s always there to defe—end! ~ (Scene of person calling upon Rachel to defend them, but that person dies, as Rachel’s eating sugar.)

David: Like I said, can’t trust her as far as you can throw a planet.

> ~ Secret powers that are _____________~

Corey: 1) It’s supposed to be “Secret powers are sewn into her”...I think. 2) You missed a few bits...ah, who cares?

> ~She is the one named Sailor _____________~

> (And the rest just continues on like that a bit. Oh! And we ‘can’t’ forget the roll-call.)

> ~ Sailor Mercury! ~ ([Silence.] Mercury? Where the hell did she get to now?)

Corey: Mercury is closest to the sun. Probably melted.

> ~ Sailor Venus! ~ ([Silence.] What? Her too?)

Cozza: Wasn’t that Bianca?

Corey: Wasn’t Kaelli Mercury?

Cozza: (Homer) Ahh, Touché!

> ~ ‘Ranger’ Mars! ~

> (Jarred [wearing a pair of boxers showing underneath Sailor Mar’s suit]: I am damn dissatisfied to be treated like this!)

Corey (sarcastic): I feel sorry for you.

Jarred: I don’t need your pity.

Corey: Good, I was being sarcastic.

Jarred (upset): Aw, that’s so mean.

> ~ Sailor Jupiter! ~ (Sarah: Well, who were you expecting? I mean, I’m the only one who can fit that suit . . . )

Corey: Whatever.

Jarred: SHUTUP!

Corey:...hmmm...no.

> ~ Ranger Uranus! ~ (David: Laugh, and I’ll kill you!)

Corey: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[David throws a punch at Corey who ducks his head and it barely misses]

Corey: WOOAH ... sorry, I’m just kidding.

David: You better be.

> ~ Sailor Whore?! ~ (Arlilia: You called?)

Corey: Yeah, I’d like to order a Hawaiian Pizza.

David: (Arlilia) This is a whore house, not Pizza Hut!

Corey: Wha...oh wait, that’s right, Pizza Hut is number 2 on my speed dial. Sorry.

> ~ Sailor Psycho! ~ (Jessica: Maim. Kill. Destroy.)

David: (Jessica) Nag and Yell at people.

> ~ Drunken Sailor! ~ (Yuki: I’m not as think as you drunk I am – [Thunk!])

Corey: Sure you are.

> ~ Navy Sailor! ~ (Nick: Yeah?)

Cozza: Yeah!

> ~ Reeni! ~ (Rewew: It’s not my fault . . . )

David: (Rewew) My Mom’s a Ditz!

> ~ Tomato Mask! ~ (John: I’ve gotta pee!)

All: SPLAT!

> ~ Sailor Ditz! ~ (Rachel: I like sugary cheese!

All: Yes, We know that!

> Singer: . . . Humanity is doomed . . . )

Corey: Really? Cause I thought so.

> And now, on with the onslaught!

> “I’m going to be la------------------------ate!” Rachel screamed, hurriedly running towards school, down the barely-drawn cheap-looking background streets of the Sailor Moon world. In an altered sailor suit. And that’s just her school uniform. Dear god.

Corey: Just like Serena. Go figure.

> However, she stopped in mid run, as an advertisement caught her eye.

> “Ice-cream!” she squealed in glee, at a poster advertising the newest music group, who’s name, surprisingly enough, wasn’t ice-cream. Then Rachel ran off again. Presumably towards school.

Corey: But stopping to look at every billboard along the way.

> “Class, sit!” The teacher said. The class sat. Like dogs. “Good class,” the teacher said.

Corey (sarcastic): Woof.

> “Now, today we’re going to learn about –“ she was cut off, as Rachel burst in the door, squealing, “I’m late!”

All: Well, DUH!

> “Yes, I can see that,” the teacher said. “Just sit down, Rachel.”

> “How do you know my name?” Rachel asked.

Cozza: What a question to ask.

> “I’m your teacher. I’ve been your teacher for three weeks now. I know your name.”

> “Oh. Do you eat butter?”

Cozza: ...pardon?

> “Only on sandwiches, Rachel. Please sit down.”

> “Oh, but . . . and – I – and – um . . . Blue?”

> “SIT DOWN!” the teacher roared, her head suddenly giant and scary-looking and with lots of fangs and so forth.

> “. . . I like sugary cheese,” Rachel said, skipping off to her seat, completely unaffected.

> “ . . . . . . “ the teacher said, defeated.

[Corey starts strangling himself and falls on the floor.]

David: That’s just how I felt.

> “Mwha-ha-ha-ha-ha—and so on . . .” King/Queen/Whatever Berol/Adam said.

> “I suppose you’ve come up with an idea of your own this time?” one of Berol’s disposable minions, who was really Kale said, somewhat doubtfully.

> “Why yes, I have! Because I am Adam – oh, whoops, I’m not supposed to use my real name while on stage. Sorry ‘bout that.”

Corey: And here I was thinking Rachel was the Ditz. Adam is so out of Character.

Jarred: You just noticed?

Corey: He just appeared.

Jarred: ...yeeaahh, I guess...

> ‘Queen’ Berol stood up in her skin-tight clothing. Everyone stared at the bulge on her crotch. ‘Queen’ Berol covered that up and walked off the screen sideways blushing saying: “Err, you weren’t supposed to see that . . .” trying to sound womanly though her male actors voice was cracking through.

Corey: Poor guy...I mean girl...I mean...what is it?

David and Jarred: Just call it a thing for now.

Corey: Hmmm,okay, that works for me.

> The disposable minion

Corey: Use it to conquer Earth once and throw it away.

said to ‘Queen’ Berol, “Uh . . . Queen? Er, your plan?”

Jarred: Oh no, not this!

> “Yes, what about my plan?” the ‘Queen’ said.

> “Um, what is it, ‘Queen’?”

> “What’s what?” Adam – er, Berol asked.

> “Your plan.”

> “Oh. What about my plan?”

> “What is it?” the minion asked.

> “What’s what?”

> “Your plan.”

> “What about my plan?”

> “WHAT is your PLAN?”

> “Oh. Right. That. Er, I haven’t thought of one yet.”

> The minion fell over.

Corey and Cozza fell out of their seats.

David: That’s how I felt.

> Rachel was walking down the footpath, when she saw a pizza delivery boy - er, black cat with a small crescent moon on its forehead.

Cozza: How can you mistake a cat for a pizza boy?!

And a pair of suspicious-looking red antennas, but that’s not the point right now – the point is, that a cat shouldn’t have a moon on its head - Whoops I’m rambling again. Sorry.

Corey: So you should be.

> “Oh, hello there. What’s your name?” she asked the cat. Anyone would think she was mental. But they’d know she was mental now, as the cat spoke back.

Corey: (Mr Tinkle) I’m Mr. Tinkle, and I’m trying to rid the world of all those filthy dogs. Bwahahahahaha!

> “Lo and behold, it is I, the one and only truly-evil-terrible-and-Griffiad-overlord –“ the ‘cat’ cleared its throat, and started again. “Er, I mean, Hi! My name’s Luna! Are you the Earth’s Champion?”

Corey: How would she know...even if someone told her, she would probably forget.

> “Champion at what?” Rachel asked. Interpret that how you will.

> “Ah, good enough. You’ll do.

Corey: She will? Which one is more stupid?

Jarred and David: We ask ourselves the same question.

Now, just stand right there, hold this,” the cat handed her a stick, called, coincidently enough, a power stick (interpret that how you will), “and say – er, some un-witty, stupid and very cliché sounding catch phrase to activate it.”

> “Oh, okay!” Rachel said, taking the dildo-shaped *power stick* from the cat.

Corey and Cozza: EWWW!

David: I still have to hold my lunch after that.

> “Nice doin’ bissness witchya,” ‘Luna’ said. “Sucker,” he added under his breath.

> “Hey, what did you just call me?” Rachel asked.

> “I said sucker.”

> “Oh, okay. Thank you!“ The ‘cat’ shuddered.

> “Ditz . . . .Power!!” Rachel shouted. ‘Luna’ was already running off into the distance.

Corey: (Bart Simpson) What an odd thing to say.

> A moon appeared behind her. She faded away into the moon, and popped out dressed like Sailor Moon, only with some more seductive additives (or subtractions, some might say) such as cleavage, nipple accentuation, and an even shorter mini-skirt – see-through, of course (^_^ !).

[Corey starts drooling ...much like Homer Simpson over ... well, food.]

> “By the power of cheese, I am – not sure who I am!” Rachel said.

[Corey and Cozza fell out of their seats.]

> Everyone fell over. Oh, right – EVERYONE.

Jarred: Not us, we’ve seen it already, haven’t we, David...David?

[It seems that, even though he should’ve been used to that sort of Ditziness, David had also fallen out of his chair]

Uhhhh...oh well.

> “Well that was ‘brilliant’”, a sinister voice said. (insert dum-dum-dum music here.)

> The person who the voice belonged to became apparent, as they floated down towards the ground. From the air, of coarse.

> The form touched the ground, and their face could now be seen. ‘Queen’ Berol. (who we all know is Adam, the poor fella’).

Corey (Who had gotten back to his seat by this time ... well, at least he should’ve): Poor guy.

> “Wow . . .” Rachel said. “This sky is blue.”

> Adam fell over.

[Corey fell out of his chair...uh, again]

> “Um . . . er . . . I know! I call upon . . . the Gemini Warriors! (Yes, that’ll do.)”

> In a bright flash of light, and the time it took Yuki to polish off a beer,

Corey: A split second.

the Gemini Warriors were suddenly standing there in front of Adam, facing Rachel.

> All of a sudden, David and Jarred were there – trying to chat them up. They failed, as they were sent flying with a large \\\SLAP///!

David: I regret doing that. Do you?

Jarred: Not really...okay, I do, a little.

> “Woah, dude – these chicks are weird,” Yuki said, as he too appeared, drinking a beer. “They have tails.”

Cozza: That is weird.

> David and Jarred were very unfortunate. They did managed to be wearing pants, so that’s a good sign.

Corey: True.

However, what they had on, on top, well . . . (dum-dum-dum . . .) – dear god! – a sailor suite! (Writer falls off chair laughing).

Corey: How could you be so cruel!

Jarred was dressed just like Sailor Mars (the red one) except for the fact that he had boxers on underneath. And David was dressed the same, except that his suit was coloured purple.

David: The purple didn’t make it any better, though.

> “I am damn dissatisfied to be treated like this,” Jarred said, with utter disgust in his voice. “Although I like how the red on this skirt brings out the green in my eyes – er . . . hang on . . .”

Jarred (hangs head in his hand): Goddamn it.

> “I hate this as much as you do.” David said. “Anyway. I am . . .” David started. He pulled out the script, flicked through a few pages, got to the part, read it, and put the script back into hammer-space. “Right. I am – Ranger Uranus. And don’t laugh, or I’ll drop a Meteor on you!”

> #Sephiroth appears.# “Don’t steal my shtick!” #Sephiroth disappears.#

David: (David...which is him, isn’t it...) I can if I want to!

> “. . . O------kay . . .” Jarred said. He cleared his throat. “Well, it says here that I am . . .” #checks script# “’Ranger’ Mars. And no, it’s not my fault. Its that bloody stage-hand’s fault. You know, the one that put Selos into the Barney Suit in Final Supermon? He did this to me!”

Jarred: (Himself) That asshole!

> Adam looked around. Suspiciously. He looked at his hand suspiciously. He disappeared. Suspiciously, even.

Corey: How ...suspicious...

> “I am Sailor Jupiter!” Sarah declared, as she appeared. “Though green’s not really my colour. But everyone knows why I’m Jupiter, right?” She winked at Jarred. Jarred gulped.

Jarred: Geheheh.

> “Um, yes ma’am! I’ll say!” He loosened his collar a bit.

> “And I am Sailor Psycho!” Jessica declared, showing up in a sailor suit with black features.

David: RUN!

> “Vwee-hee-hee-hee-hee!” Adam laughed maniacally, like an annoying little nerd.

Corey: I thought he disappeared. Suspiciously, too.

“Sorry,” he said. “Well, anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” #Adam disappears.# Again.

> Then Yuki, badly timed, introduced himself. “I am – am – I am . . . not as think as you drunk I am!” He fell over. He managed to get back up again. “I am . . . I am . . . am . . . dr-drunk – (hic) drunken . . . oomph.” He hit the ground.

Corey: (Yuki) ahhh, my f-fisht...oof.

> “He would be Drunken Sailor,” Jarred summed up.

Jarred(sarcastic): Whatever gave you that idea(normal)...oh wait, that’s me.

> The Gemini Warriors looked at him. With no amount of amusement on their faces. In fact, the complete opposite.

Corey: Like Adam should be.

> “Cheese!” Rachel squealed.

> “Yeah, um, what was I going to say again?” the orange one said.

> “You were going to rant about how you’re invincible,” the purple-grey one prompted.

> “Oh, right! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I am Invincible and indestructible!” she proclaimed.

> “Yes! And so am I!” the other one joined in.

> “And together we are . . . . the Gemini Warriors!” #Strike pathetic poses.#

> Jarred had a massive sweat-bead on his face, which grew to a massive size, then went crashing to the ground, whereupon it splashed down into the ground, which wasn’t water. But oh well. Jarred fell right over, crashing loudly.

Jarred: Crash.

> David scratched his stomach,

David: It needed scratching.

while Jessica yawned and Sarah held her head in her hand.

> “Yeah, yeah,” Jarred said dismissively. “We’re the Ulitm- er, ‘Sailor Scouts’, and in the name of . . . you know . . . trivial little things like . . . the moon . . . the stars . . . the sake of justice . . . good fan fiction . . . common sense . . . the fourth wall . . . You know, stuff like that. Well, anyway, in the name of all that, I guess we’re supposed to . . . er . . . punish you.”

David: (Him...you know, HIM) Don’t forget the 30c cones.

Jarred: What cones?

David and Corey: The idea that 30c cones from McDonald’s should still cost 30c.

Jarred: Oh, right.

> “Oh. Okay then.” The Gemini Warriors shrugged in agreement. “Welp, guess we’ll just be going then.”

> “Well, okay . . .” The Ultima Warriors muttered. And then the Gemini Warriors left. Just like that.

Corey: That was easy.

David: A little too easy...

[...]

All: Nah!

> Jarred twiddled his thumbs.

> “So . . . Now what?”

> “Let’s go eat Ice-cream!” Rachel suggested.

> “Alright,” the others collectively agreed, no one having a better idea.

David: What could be better than eating icecream.

Corey: Eating it for 30c instead of 40c.

David: Oh yeah.

Jarred: What about free icecream.

The rest: ...well, yeah, there’s that.

> THE END

> What . . . adventures . . . await the Ultima Warriors next?

Corey: I’m not sure I want to know

Jarred: Trust me you don’t.

What evil plans does Adam – er . . . Queen Berol have in store for them?

Jarred: None good, that’s for sure.

David: In more ways than one.

And what flavored ice-cream will they eat?

Corey: That’s a good question.

All that and less, in the next exciting \\\CRASH!/// – okay, I’ll try that again. All that and less, in the next exciting – \\\CRASH! BANG! METEOR!/// Dammit! I can’t say it!

Jarred: I’m glad he didn’t

[the fic stops]

Voice: I-I-Is it over.

Jarred: Trust me, it’s over!

Voice: Good. What did you think?

David: Crap, stupid, terrifying torture.

Jarred: Yeah... of course, that’s probably cause we were in it.

Corey: It was funny stuff, no offence, but it was stupid, too...definitely stupid.

Cozza: I agree.

Jarred: Well, what now?

Corey: Let’s pay our good friend, Daniel ‘Silent Dan’ Ferguson, a visit, shall we?

David: I agree.

Jarred: Me, too.

Cozza: Let’s go.

[They all leave. Take a wild guess where their goin’ ... well, guess. Cause I ain’t tellin’ ya.]

Voice: Uhhh, Silent Dan...whoever and wherever you are, WATCH OUT!

Email: coramaximus@hotmail.com

Site: www.geocities.com/SSJ2GohanSupreme

Daniel ‘Silent Dan’ Ferguson doesn’t have a site...yet.

He doesn’t have an e-mail address, either (not to my knowledge anyway) so, if you want to speak to him, e-mail me and I’ll make sure he gets it. Make sure to mention that it’s to him. I don’t want to get mail about something he wrote.

Note from Me: There is my 5^th. Hope you like it. I enjoyed writing it.

Note to ‘Silent Dan’: Fic’s hilarious. No offence, I won’t really do anything, I’m too lazy and you’re a friend so don’t worry about it. Do you like it? If you do, great. If not, I understand...you’re a bloody asshole! ...Just kidding ^-^.

CRSinclair

C. Sinclar – Author, and owner of

Coramaximus