.........and stuff. Heh heh. Oh, hello there. It is I, Maximillion Devious...more commonly known as ...THE MAXIMUS DEMON!...Ok, so I’m not known very well as that...but I know you do know me as that. Bwahahahahahahah...oh right, I’m supposed to cut down on bwa-ha laughing...sorry. Anyway, it’s time once again to delve into the depths of the Dungeon to find something to  riff and stuff.

...what do we have here?

Bird House? Oh no, wait! Dust. [blows off dust] that’s better. Lesse, Weeeeeeearrd Haaoouse...Weird House, hmm? Interesting.

Weird house, weird house...Ahh yes, WeiRd hOUse! Yes, I know that! Let’s see which one we shall see, hmm...GOT ONE, YES! THIS ONE WILL BE FUN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA...oops, did it again. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH [more laughing]...anyway.

[Note: I write with “[]” ’s and “name:” ’s.

           Weird house is sorta the same (with “()” ‘s and “name:” ‘s) except that they have “>” ‘s before them.

            The fic writes normally with speech marks and a “>” before each paragraph (sometimes two).

             This is so you can tell the difference between Fic, MST and

MST-of-MST.

Now for the ...stuff.]

[A dark room, one chair, one TV, four walls, one door. That pretty much covers it...but in case anybody wants specifics: It is a rectangular room with a TV at one short end, a door at the other end to the right of where the TV was facing, and a chair facing the TV. There were no windows, just a few small lights across the edges of the ceiling. Oh and there was probably at least one speaker in there.]

[the door opens]

Corey: [carrying a box of popcorn and  a soda] ...OK, this must be the wrong door...

[He turns to leave, but the door, which seems to be that of a vault, immediately slams shut, and locking noises are heard, giving the hint that it was locking. Yeah... that’ll do.]

[Corey tries desperately to open the door, but finds it futile...that means impossible, folks]

Corey: What the...? The door won’t open! What’s going on here? WHY CAN’T I GET THE F@#! OUT OF HERE?!!

Voice: BECAUSE I F@#!in’ said so!

Corey:...oh no. Not you!

Voice: What else were you expecting?

Corey: A theatre of people and a movie.

Voice: Oh...well, too bad!

Corey: Shut up! This is the second, no, the THIRD time you’ve done this to me!

Voice: Well, tough shit! Sit down!

Corey: Why does this remind me of Big Brother?

Voice: (Homer Simpson) ...um, I don’t know.

[Corey sits in the seat, popcorn and soda in hand...or is that hands, I’m not sure...anyway.]

Voice: Now, I know you’re probably wondering what you are doing here...

Corey (sarcastic): Gee, whatever gave you that impression?

Voice: ...well, anyway, I’ve asked you here to give you an individual examination, to see  how you go without friends to back you up. Don’t worry, the rest will have one each, in due time.

Corey: Really? Well, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Voice: Well, let’s get on with...hey, I’m supposed to say that.

Corey: Too slow.

[Sounds of disgruntled mumbling are heard as the fic starts...]

Voice: Oh, by the way, before we continue, this isn’t a fic.

Corey: It isn’t? What else could it be?

Voice: An MST of another fic.

Corey: ...Oh boy.

> WeiRd hOUse

Corey: Hold up, hold up! We’re...er, I’m doing this?!

Voice: Yes, Corey, You are!

Corey:...Dude.

Voice: Dude...dude.

Corey:...Shutup, dude.

>        Featuring the Ultima Warriors from Supertron or the Self-Insertion ‘Gods’ (and I use that term lightly), depending on what mood I’m in.

Corey: Whether he’s in a bored mood...or a really bored mood.

>        Episode 17 (Run!  It’s Tabris!)

Corey:...What? Oh...the 17^th...(Dr. Evil) Rii---ght!

continues the wild and utterly gay (and very stupid) adventures of Ngumo and Aoki in Eva-land – without Eva.

Corey: Well, they do have Eva, but it’s a rock group.

>        Evangelion © Gainax.

Corey: And others. Hideaki Anno and Project EVA, for example.

>        Evaless © TabrisEnterprises.

Corey: Whatever that is.

>        N2 Mine © Neon Genesis: Evangelion.

Corey: BOOM!

>         

>        [The scene:  A large, dark business room with a long table in the middle.  There are twelve expensive leather office chairs scattered around the table, and a large three-metre-wide TV is at one end and a set of large double-doors at the other end of the room itself.  Over in the corner to the right of the doors is a black, grey and purple-coloured computer, complete with joystick, steering wheel, modem, cordless phone and a set of shelves that is home to thousands of computer games, books, magazines etc along the right wall.  On the left wall is a coke-machine, and on the ceiling are six lights as well as a small black dome.  There is one window behind the TV, with a view of hundreds of skyscrapers able to be seen.  There are four other doors total, two on each side of the room, leading to god-only-knows-where.]

Corey: ...yeah...that place.

>        [David and Jarred enter.  Jarred goes to the coke-machine, while David sits at the computer and puts his feet up on the desk.  Jarred grabs a drink and sits on the left side to the foot of the table.  David boots up the computer, and finds a book to read from the shelf while he waits.]

Corey: It does take a while.

>        Jarred:  I can’t believe I made it past Barney in one piece this time.

Corey: That is incredible.

>        David:  I can’t believe they banned the original ‘Bugger’ ad, but do you hear me complaining?

>        Jarred:  Only every time a car ad comes on.

>        David:  Yeah, well... oh hey!  Look what I found!

>        Jarred:  What?  What is it?

>        David:  (Turning to face Jarred, with the magazine in front of him)  I found a whole stack of –

Corey: Pancakes. Oh wait, he was finding a book on the shelf. Pancakes wouldn’t be too likely.

(he pauses momentarily in mid-sentence, as he senses something.  A second later, Jessica walks in).

Corey: Quick, hide ‘em!

>        David:  - er, cooking books!  Yes, that’s it!  (He has quickly turned back to the computer to hide the ‘cooking book’.)

Corey: ...(sarcastic) good one.

>        Jessica:  Cooking books?

>        David:  Yeah, cooking books!  (He turns back to Jessica and Jarred, pretending not to be stuffing the magazine beneath the desk.  David absently reaches over to grab another book from the shelf, making sure that this one is indeed a real cooking book, not something else.)

Corey: Obviously the pile didn’t have cooking books...intriguing...

>        Jessica:  Alright, I believe you.  That is, if you can beat me at an arm-wrestling match.

Corey: You have no choice, then, hmm?

>        David:  (Managing to hide his unease).  Well, okay... (The two sit on opposite sides of the Table, David in the seat next to Jarred.)

>        [They begin to wrestle.  David looks like he’s slowly but surely gaining the upper... well, hand, and is about to win.  Jessica then whispers something into his ear.]

Corey: ...She what?

>        [Jessica all but breaks his arm when he looses his concentration, putting an arm-shaped dint into the table surface.]

Corey: [staring wide eyed at the TV, shocked] ...I would really like to know what she said!

>        Jessica:  I win.

>        David:  I hate you.

>        Jessica:  I hate you too, darling.

Corey: (Eric Cartman) ...I hate you, Kenny.

>        Jarred:  (Thinking)  These two are kinda... screwed up...

Corey: In that case, so are you.

>        [Sarah walks into the room.]

>        Sarah:  Hey, what’s up?

Corey: The ceiling.

>        Jarred:  (Shrugging) Nothing. 

>        Sarah:  Oh.  I see David’s been at the ‘cooking books’ again?

Corey: Did she use her ‘fingers’?

>        Jarred:  Oh yeah. 

>        Jessica:  How did you know?

>        Sarah:  The imprint in the table.  And on his arm.

Corey: ...I don’t know how she used the imprints to get that.

>        Jarred:  Damn.  You’re too smart for me... (Chugs.)

Corey: Damn. You’re too smart for me, too... [takes a sip]

>        Adam:  ......

>        Jarred:  Oh, hey.  I never saw your there.

Corey: (Jarred) Woah, watch it, I almost tripped over you...again!

>        Adam:  ......

>        Jarred:  Why do you always do that?

Corey: I’d say “because I feel like it”, but it’s Adam we’re talking about.

>        Adam:  ......

>        Jarred:  You know what I mean.  Why can’t you bloody well use the door?

Corey: (Adam) Why would I wish to handle something as fickle as a doorknob when what I do is just as easy, if not easier?

>        Adam:  ......

>        Jarred:  Good point.

Corey: Hey, careful with that thing!

>        [Rachel flies in through the window.]

Corey:.........Oooo----ka---y.

>        [All stare blankly.]

[Corey stares blankly]

>        Jarred:  Okay, what the hell happened there?

>        Rachel:  I can fly!!!!

Corey:.........Uh...huh...we’re doomed!

>        [Silence.]

>        David:  Maybe we should just get on with the fic.  (Walks back over to the computer and shuts down his game of Solitare.)

>        Voice:  Mwa-hahahahahahha!  I am Stan, and I’ll be your torturer for the evening.

[Corey looks at the ceiling]

Voice:...I don’t know him.

Corey: You have the same name...sort of...

Voice: Look! Just because it says ‘Voice’, doesn’t mean were the same. There is more than one ‘Voice’ in the world.

Corey: ...Good point...watch it, though.

Voice: ...what do you mean by that?

Corey:...stuff...

Voice: (Dr. Evil) ...Rii---ght.

>        David:  Hi Stiriox.  How’s it going up there in voice-land?

>        Voice:  (irritated)  Peachy.  Get on with the fic. 

Voice: He’s lying; it sucks.

>        [The doors slam shut and the lights dim.  Everyone takes their seat if they haven’t already.  Jarred, Rachel and Adam sit on the left side of the table, in that order from the foot.  Sarah and Jessica sit on the right side.  David sits in the computer chair.]

>        [The TV turns on.]

>        Jarred:  Question – what fic is it?

>        Stiriox:  Umm... (Sounds of ruffling paper) I have no idea!  I can’t find it here anywhere!

>        David:  Ow.  Then it must be bad.

>        [The fic begins.]

>        >Alright you who stayed on for the second episode I really hope that you enjoyed the first one.

>        ALL:  No!

Corey: I second that...even though I haven’t read the first one.

>        >Anyway Tabris Enterprises presents once again...

>        Jarred:  A pile of crap!  Thankyou!  (chugs).

Corey: Oh, shutup! [Takes another sip]

>        >

>        ***************************************************************

>        Jarred:  OWWW!!

>        >

>        Theme Song: "Supermodel" by Jill Sobule

>        David:  Hang on, I know this one....

Corey: So do I...and it doesn’t make sense in this fic.

>        >

·        E V A L E S S

Corey: Oh, this is the one without Eva...even though it’s a rock group.

>    >                      Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev!                

>        ALL:  AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Corey: ...Whatev...ER! Hehe...whoops.

>        >

>        Oh, Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love! Let My Love be Forever pt. 1 

>        Adam:  Whatever one of those is.

Corey: I think it’s a drink...that or a software package from Microsoft...either way, it probably sucks.

>        >

>        In the girl's locker room: "Wow, the guys are taking you two to see the

>        Evas. I sure wish I could go." said Akemi.

Corey: No you don’t. I don’t know about you, but guys dressed as Evangelions and playing music just doesn’t cut it for me, somehow.

>        Rachel:  Wait, who’s Akemi?

>        Jarred:  Akemi’s that red (or purple – I’m not sure) -haired girl with ‘catlike obstructions in her hair’. 

>        Rachel:  Oh.  Her.

Corey: Yeah...her...whoever she is...

>        >

>        "Why don’t you ask one of the boys to take you Akemi?" asked Hikari.

Corey: Missing a comma already? This is really gonna suck.

>        "Oh, I couldn’t ask any of the boys. They all’d just laugh at me.

>        Sarah:  Although I would have said it “They’d all just laugh at me.”

>        Jessica:  As opposed to laughing with you.

Corey: ...that...made...sense...how?

>  I'm too tall." Akemi explained.

>        "Nah! Who do you like Akemi?" Asuka inquired.

Corey: What’s it to you?

>        "Well I...uh..really...like...uh... Aida." Akemi answered.

Corey:...who?

>        "What did you say?" Asuka bellowed.

>        Jarred:  Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t Asuka bellowing A) Shake the foundations of the building, and B) be written with an exclamation mark in there?

Corey: He’s got you there.

>        >

>        "I LIKE AIDA KENSUKE. Okay is that loud enough for you?" Akemi shot back.

>        David:  Even though his name’s Kensuke Aida, not Aida Kensuke.

Corey: [angrily shudders] Another fanboy who wrote it in the same Romaji as in the credits. Earth to...You! Traditional Japanese puts the last name first! Therefore, His name is Kensuke! Aida is his LAST name!

>        >

>        Asuka fell to the floor laughing.

Corey:...bitch!

>        "You like military boy?" Asuka asked.

>        "Yeah, he’s so smart and his glasses make him look really buisnessy.

>        Jessica:  Whatever a ‘buisnessy’ is. 

Corey: It’s supposed to be ‘businessey’...and even then, it doesn’t make much sense.

>        >

>        I think the way he wears his uniform is really different." Akemi

>        said.

>        Jarred:  Yes, ‘different’...

>        David:  I hope this author doesn’t mean ‘different’ like how they mean Ngumo and Aoki are ‘Different’. 

>        Sarah:  You had to remind me.

>        David:  How could anyone forget a bunch of gay retards like them?

>        Sarah:  With considerable effort.  Hey, being a blonde ain’t so bad, in that case.

Corey: So much for the exception from the stereo-types.

>        >

>        "I take it you’ve thought about this alot?" Asuka said slyly.

>        Jarred:  A lot, even.

>        >

>        "Yeah, but a boy like that probably wouldn’t want to be

>        with someone like me."

>        "Look girl i’ll do you a favor if you

>        stop the act of insanity.

>        Jarred:  Complete with spelling mistakes and all.

Corey: That is annoying.

>        >I’ll get Aida to take you with us."

>        "You will Hikari, Arigatou! But why?" Akemi asked.

Corey:...I thought she was talking to Asuka.

>        Jarred:  That only made half the amount of sense that it was supposed to. 

>        >

>        "I know Kensuke will like to go with you, or any girl. I here he's

>        Jarred:  What?

Corey: Too late, Jarred.

>        >like a

>        big Sailor Moon

>        (All burst out laughing)

Corey: [eating popcorn] Whhat, whtssso fnny?

>        >fan,

>        All:  Oh.  (Giggling.)

Corey: ...That brought the mood down a bit.

>        >maybe you should get your hair done like Usagi’s, I

>        mean you have enough of it." Hikari said.

>        Jarred:  Yeah.  ...Who’s Usagi?

Corey: Apparently, Usagi is the Japenese name for ‘Serena’.

>        Adam:  What’s a Sailor Moon?

Corey:...You went through “Cruel And Unusual Punishment” and you don’t know? ...Adam, I feel sorry for you...sort of.

>        >

>        Upstairs in the lunch room: "Touji, this trip is going to be monster" Hikari

>        says.

>        Rachel:  They’ve done that tense thing.

Corey: ...What one?

>        >

>        "Say Horaki thanks for hooking me up wit Akemi she’s really cute." Kensuke

>        says.

Corey: ...oh that one. And it’s ‘HIKARI’!

>        Jessica:  Or with her, even.

>        Sarah:  That was pathetic.  And I thought Kensuke, as with most people, would call her by her first name.  Maybe.

Corey: Me, too.

>        >

>        "There’ll be six of us. That’s alot, how are we gonna get there?" Hikari

>        asks.

>        Jarred:  Could you just re-organize that a little?  And get a spell-checker?  Thanks.

Corey: For what? He never got one.

>        >

>        "Easily babe we’ll take the train."

Corey: (Kensuke) We’ll do it without proper punctuation, too.

>        Jessica:  ...You’re going to what?

>        >

>        "Hey, watch who you call babe Aida, she’s my woman." Touji yells at

>        his friend.

Corey: That’s not something he’d say...I don’t think.

>        "You guys are going to see the Evas in Osaka?" Rei says walking over to the

>        lunch table where Shinji, Touji, Kensuke, Akemi, Asuka and Hikari are

>        sitting at.

>        Jarred:  Not if we can help it.

>        Adam:  I’d go if it were the real Evangelions... Mmm, squishy...

>        Rachel:  Adam!  Not now! 

>        [Adam looks where his hands are.]

>        Adam:  Sorry.  (Removes his hands from Rachel’s breasts.)

Corey:...Out of character...both of them. I mean, how irritated from P.M.S. is she? And Adam! I don’t know about the real Evangelions, but the rest is just... (Frank Grimes) I-I-daaaahh...eh-aaahhhh!

>        >

>        "Yeah" Hikari says while feeding Touji some of her lunch.

>        Sarah (Hikari):  Open wide for the choo-choo train...

Corey (sarcastic): Choo...choo.

>        >

>        "It’ll be major fun, I just hope it won’t get to boring." Akemi says from

>        sitting on top of  Kensuke’s lap.

Corey: The Finale. Is that like ‘Get to burning’ is to Nadesico?

>        [Long silence.]

>        [They all fall over.]

Corey:...uhhhhh...

>        >

>        "Young lady is this school having a shortage on chairs?" says a voice that’s

>        young but stern.

Corey: I don’t know about chairs, but there seems to be a shortage in commas.

>        Jessica:  ...Yeah.

>        >

>        "Um...I’m not sure exactly I could find out for you if...oh!" Akemi says

>        realizing that Principle Aoba is referring to her sitting on top of

>        Kensuke’s lap.

>        Sarah:  (Thinking)  Aoba... Aoba...

>        Jarred:  Um, the guy at Nerv with the glasses. 

>        Sarah:  Oh, the Commander!

Corey:...Joh?

>        Jarred:  No, not him.

>        Sarah:  Oh.  Who?

>        Jarred:  The Magi guy.

>        Sarah:  Oh.

>        >

>        "Who are you kid a teacher or maybe even the principle?"

Corey: The punctuation police, hopefully.

>        ALL:  ..................................................................

>        >Rei said giggling

>        sarcastically.

Corey: If that’s possible.

>        "As a matter of fact young lady I am the principle and you just bought your

>        self a one-way ticket into clean up duty." said the young man.

>        "Somebody else has already been assigned clean-up duty as a punishment in my

>        class." Rei said back slyly.

>        "So, you must be Rei Ayanami freshman of class 2-A, you just got here today

>        so i’ll let this incident slide but be warned now, I’ll be watching you.

>        As you were children."

Corey: That class must be really bad.

>        All:  .....................................................................

>        Jarred (Doctor Evil):  ...Ri-----------------ght...

Corey: I agree...(Dr. Evil) ...Rii---ght!

>        >Principle Shigeru Aoba said as walking away.

>        David:  And this...  ‘Walking Away’ person... do they come to you at night?

Corey: That’s disgusting...but really, does he?

>        >

>        "Who is he calling a child he looks like he’s only a couple of years older

>        than us, I thought he was a junior or senior." Rei said.

>        Sarah:  Rei?  Do you still have that toast in your mouth?

Corey: (Homer) Mmmm...Toast.

>        >

>        "As you were children?" Kensuke mocked.

>        Jarred:  Yes.  You ever hear of the movie ‘We were soldiers?’

>        (Others shrug helplessly)

Corey: I’ve never heard of it.

>        Jarred:  At least I think it was that.  Anyway, this would be the prequel.

>        Others:  Oh.

>        >

>        "Hey, don't mock the principle, idiot" Hikari said knocking Kensuke in

>        the back of the head. Kensuke rubbed his new sore.

>        "Hikari, I think you might have been hanging out with Asuka a bit too long."

>        "Shut-up, Dumpkoff!" Hikari and Asuka said in unison.

Corey: Hmm, he’s right.

>        "But anyway how do I get into this Osaka field trip." Rei said happily.

>        David:  I would have asked that, myself.

>        Jarred(Jim):  Was that a question?

Corey: Wha?

>        Sarah(Michele):  I don’t know.  Wanna answer it anyway?

Corey:...oh, American Pie 2...Rii---ght.

>        >

>        "Oh, you’re going to be there to huh pervert?" Rei said meanly.

Corey: ...come again.

>        All:  ........

>        Rachel:  What’s a ‘to huh’?

>        Others:  ......

>        >

>        "I’m uh sorry about earlier I uh..."

>        "Shut-up Shinji, Asuka said cutting him off, When are

>        you going to stop picking on him?" Asuka yelled.

Corey: So Shinji was talking. You could have said something earlier.

>        Jarred:  Asuka?  I think you shouldn’t say stuff while you’re reading at the same time.

Corey: I’d have to agree.

>        >

>        "You really are getting a kick out of defending him does that make you

>        feel important?" Rei asked smirking.

Corey: (Asuka) Hmm, never got a kick out of that.

>        "Listen up you two, Rei you apologize to Shinji and let this morning go and

>        Asuka to show that you forgive her go find someone for her to go to the

>        concert with."

>        Jarred:  Oh.  That made... huh?

>        >Hikari said putting the two girls in their place.

>        "Why should I?" the girls said in unison.

Corey: Because.

>        "Enough," Hikari said taking control of the situation,

>        "Asuka at least find out if Ayanami would like to go with someone specific?"

>        Jarred:  Was that a question, or an order?

>        Voice (O/S):  Hey, that sound’s just like my Mum!

>        Jarred:  Who the?

>        Voice:  Never mind.

Corey: (Johnny Bravo): Aw, man. That was weird.

>        >

>        "As If!" Asuka shot back.

>        "Why should I should I try to help wonder girl here get a boyfriend?"

>        David:  Don’t know, don’t care.

Corey: Me neither...at least, I don’t think I do.

>        >

>        "Well now that you mention it I do have my eyes on that tall boy who’s

>        boyfriend you were fighting with earlier is kinda hot." Rei said gleefully.

Corey: That was ...bad.

>        Jarred:  Care to flush that down the toilet any further?

>        >

>        "Oh, so you have the hots for Ngumo huh?" Hikari said playfully.

>        (All Vomit)

>        Stiriox:  Hey!  Do you know how hard it is to get that out of the carpet?

Corey: No, not really.

>        >

>        "Yeah he’s really cute and his butt is really firm I just..."

Corey: That’s a little more than we needed to know!

>        "Excuse me!, Touji said interrupting Rei, were eating here."

Corey: Reading, I see.

>        Rachel:  ......?

>        >

>        "You know what Suzuhara, shut-up and it’s time I put that idle butt of

>        yours to work, when we get back to class change the water in the flower

>        bases." Hikari said meanly

>        "She’s

>        David: Who’s talking?

>        Jarred:  Damn!  I was actually getting used to not having those damn speaking mistakes!

Corey: You could have waited a bit.

>        >mean!" Touji said to Kensuke while having his ear pulled by Hikari.

>        "Alright wonder girl i’ll talk to Ngumo, hell maybe he’s not gay." Asuka

>        said.

>        (All roll around on the floor for five hours straight, laughing in pain and agony. 

Corey: Fast forward this part. I haven’t got all day.

[It fast forwards five hours]

The vomit on the floors has somehow mysteriously vanished.)

Corey: ...Oo—kaay.

>        >

>        "I don’t understand why everyone keeps saying that." Shinji said meekly.

>        "HELLO, don’t you always see how they are always touching each other. I say

>        that YOU have a better chance of going out with him than Rei.

>        "Just what are you insinuating huh Asuka?" Rei asked curiously.

>        David:  With no punctuation, either.  This is stupid.  I’m going back to Solitare.  (Turns around and loads a game of Solitare).

Corey: Hey, that is better than the fic, I agree.

>        >

>        "I mean that I wish you the best of luck girl." Asuka said.

>        "Whatev!" Rei said

>        (All cringe)

>        Sarah:  No need to shout.

Corey: Whatev...ER!

>        >adjusting her tie and getting up to leave.

>        The next day: "I don’t know Asuka if I can afford it.

>        Jarred: Is ‘Asuka if I’ a new character?

Corey: (Gomez Addams) I hope not!

>        >My parents just

>        finished redoing our kitchen and bathrooms I’m not sure if they can give

>        me the money." Ngumo informed.

>        "Oh, come on i’ll make sure you have enough money to get in." Asuka said.

>        "How?" Ngumo asked puzzled.

>        "Simple, i’ll just have Hikari send a letter to your parents saying it’s a

>        school trip." Asuka said slyly.

>        "That’s kinda cold." Ngumo said quietly.

Corey: She’s Asuka! She’s colder than Antarctica, which, since 2^nd Impact never occurred in this reality (I understand), still exists.

>        "Look don’t worry about the money, will you take wonder girl or not?" Asuka

>        asked.

>        "Wonder girl is an American comic character. If

>        you’re referring to Rei sure she’s hot." Ngumo said.

Corey: I think that’s Wonder Woman.

>        Sarah:  Yes, but will you take her out?

>        >

>        The Next Day:(Day before the concert)

>        Sarah (Asuka):  Yeah, but that still doesn’t answer my question.

Corey: Don’t you hate it when they leave you hanging...?

>        >"So, it’s all set honey me,

Corey: Don’t you mean ‘bee’?

you,

>        Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Ngumo, Kensuke and Akemi are going to take the train.

>        ALL:  .........

>        Jessica:  ......Yeah...

Corey: ...Right.

>        >

>        "Akemi is staying at my house so I can do her hair and stuff." Hikari let

>        out.

>        "What about your friend the deviless?

>        Jarred:  As in, ‘The Devil’ without the Devil?

Corey: Or to Devil as Empress is to Emperor...maybe.

>        >

>        "If you’re referring to Asuka then i’m doing her hair later on tonight."

>        Hikari said.

>        "But I thought I could come over."

Corey: Wha?! Who said that?!

>        "Your parents won’t be home until 8:30." Touji whined

>        "Sorry cutie tonight’s a girls night only." Hikari said.

>        "Kinky!" Touji smirked out.

Corey: (Eric Cartman) Er Heh Heough!

>        "No pervert there ‘ill be

Corey: It should say ‘there’ll be’.

plenty of time for things like that on the train

ride.

Corey: ...What did she SAY?!!

>        (Eveyone’s jaws drop to the ground).

Corey: Lemme get my tape measure.

>        >Hell it’s 6 and a half hour ride." Hikari said. The two students

>        started to notice their friends coming in and realized that school would

>        be starting soon. They knew they would have to face the taunts from their

>        classmates and teacher about being alone in the class all morning long. They

>        also knew that they had not done anything. No matter how badly their

>        hormones fought against them they were intent on saving their first

>        experience with each other until they were out of high school. Four long

>        years they would wait. They both knew it would be worth it though.

Corey: Toji, I’m impressed...sort of.

>        Later at Touji’s house Ngumo asked Suzuhara the weirdest question.

Corey: I don’t think I’ve ever been there.

>        Jarred:  Wait!  What just happened?

>        Jessica:  I have no idea.  It probably doesn’t even matter, though.

Corey: Probably not, no.

>        >

>        "Touji, you’re cool and you seem pretty smart. Do you think i’m

>        gay?" The question made Touji spit out his soda.

Corey: [splutters out the soda he was drinking] WHAT!? What kind of question is that to ask? And Toji?! Not quite the right guy to ask, if you ask me.

>        "What do you mean?" Touji said in a very squeaky voice.

>        "My best friend is gay. I always feed into the way when he touches me or

>        something. I’m really close to him. I would probably even let myself be

>        killed for him." Ngumo explained.

>        "Naah,  you’re just really good friends.

Corey: ...Mmmmaybe.

>        Jarred, Jessica, Sarah, Rachel:  Yeah, ‘good friends’...

>        >Hell i’d give my left arm and leg

>        for Ikari or Aida." Touji said.

Corey: He’d do it for Shinji and Kensuke, too. (mumbling) stupid fanboy.

>        Jarred:  Touji?  You don’t have a left arm and leg.

>        Sarah:  I thought this was a dream-world based on the alternate reality in episode 26.

>        Jarred:  Yeah, this whole fic reads like a ‘dream’.

Corey: It does?

>        >

>        "I understand that, but I feel like Rei is my last chance at

>        heterosexuality." Ngumo said.

Corey: She is?

>        " That's kinda pathetic. Are you kidding alot of the girls like you.

>        Jarred:  So... there’s a lot of girls like him.

>        Sarah:  Exactly. 

>        Jarred:  Oh.

Corey: Oh boy. I could puke right now and it would be better than this.

>        >

>        Especially when you went to go comfort Furisawa, girls like mushy shit like

>        that." Touji declarated.

>        "Damn I hope so." Ngumo said.

Corey: ...(Dr. Evil) Ri---ght.

>        Over at the Horaki resident:

Corey: Or residence, if you have a brain.

>         "Mom! could you lend me the blonde hair dye?"

Corey: Why, you want to be like Ritsuko?

>        Hikari bellowed. Suddenly a young looking woman with short brown hair walked

>        into the bathroom carrying the bottle of dye.

>        "What are you girls doing in here?" the woman asked.

>        "Nothing Mrs. Horaki." said Akemi.

>        "You don’t have to call me ‘Mrs. Horaki’ it’s girls night in you can call

>        me by my first name Maya. Hikari you can call me mom." Maya

>        said playfully.

>        Rachel:  Isn’t Maya’s last-name Ibuki?

Corey: Not if she got married. This is an alternate reality...Shinji’s, I think. Or made by him, anyway...this doesn’t make any sense anymore. I’ll just shutup now.

>        >

>        "I sure hope he likes this." Akemi said sighing.

>        "You’re doing it for a boy huh what we women won’t do to impress others."

>        Maya said sighing.

>        Sarah:  Without breaking for punctuation, either.

Corey: We guys would like some, you know...no offence.

>        >

>        "Hikari, Honey I’m Home!" said

>        a loud male voice from the entrance of the house.

>        "Speaking of the devil." Maya said quietly.

>        "Daddy!!!" Hikari screeched

>        (All hold their ears)

>        All:  Ow!

Corey: (Bart) Ooh, that’s gotta hoit.

>        >

>        while jumping up and running out of the bathroom.

>        "How’s daddy's little girl?" the man asked his daughter.

>        "Fine, dad this is my friend Akemi, Akemi this is my dad." Akemi said

>        "Konichi wa." while bowing

Corey: That means ‘hi’.

 she could tell by looking at the man

>        that he was at least 2 maybe 3 times Maya’s age. She could tell

>        specifically by his very gray hair.

>        "How was work dear?" Maya asked while walking into the room.

>        "Lousy that asshole Ikari was late again.

Corey: Yui did warn him.

>        Jarred:  Yeah, I guess you could substitute Commander Ikari’s first name for ‘Lousy that asshole.’

Corey:...hmm, sure, that could work...I guess.

>        >We came into the meeting really

>        late and the committee was ready to eliminate us completely."

>        "It’ll be alright my little Kozo-Bear." Maya said while taking her husband

>        into a deep kiss completely ignoring the teenagers standing in the room.

Corey: ...Kozo?

>        "Oh sorry kids." Kozo said meekly.

>        Sarah:  Kozo... Kozo... I remember now!  ...I kinda feel sorry for Fuyutski.

Corey: Ohh, hi-im. So he does have a first name...wait, one other thing, If he’s Hikari’s father, wouldn’t that make it the ‘Fuyutski’ residence?

Voice: The author obviously didn’t remember to take that into account when he named the place.

Corey: hmm, interesting. Something we can actually agree on.

Voice: It’ll never happen again, trust me.

>        >

>        At the Ikari resident a Very groggy Asuka was

>        falling asleep on Shinji.

Corey: How unusual.

>        Jarred:  Good job!

Corey: ...ye---ah.

>        >

>        "Asuka maybe I should walk you home know." Shinji said quietly.

Corey: Just ‘Asuka’ will do.

>        Jessica:  Or now, even.

Corey:...yeah, that too.

>        >

>        "I’m not even sleepy yet." Asuka said yawning. Shinji knew Asuka was real

>        tired when she started using words like ‘sleepy’.

Corey: She could be a little girl...but probably not that little.

>        "I’ll walk you home come on." Shinji said standing up. Asuka wearily stood

>        up then fell onto Shinji's chest.

>        "Shinji, she said looking up at him, how come you never tried to cop a feel

>        off of me?"

Corey: 1) Stop reading 2) I can’t believe you actually asked that!

>        Jarred:  Asuka?  You’re talking while reading again.

Corey: Well, duh!

>        >

>        "WHAT?!?" Shinji screamed. Asuka appeared to have been well awakened by

>        her mind dawning to this question, or was she just joking? Shinji wasn’t

>        sure.

>        Jarred:  This isn’t making any sense, either.

Corey: I didn’t think so.

>        >

>        "Well, gee Asuka it’s not like you really have a body." Shinji said smiling.

Corey: Instead of spineless, he’s heartless now, hmm?

>        Asuka then turned away from him and said

>        "Oh." She said very monotonely. He saw a tear drop to the

>        floor followed by another one and another. Shinji started to believe

>        that Asuka was not joking.

Corey: Took him long enough.

>        "Asuka I was only kidding, really. You know you have a body.

Corey: Well, duh! Every human has a body.

 How else could

>        you be the self proclaimed 'most popular girl in school' huh?" Shinji said

>        trying to redeem himself.

>        "Do you think i'm pretty?" Asuka said.

>        "What?!?" Shinji said

Corey: (Asuka)Do you think I’m pretty?! (himself) Are you deaf or something?!

>        "Do you?" Asuka once again asked. Shinji nodded slowly while moving his

>        hands around Asuka’s back.  Shinji pulled Asuka close to his body in an

>        embrace for almost a minute before Asuka pulled out her 3 ton schoolbag

>        and thwacked Shinji to the floor.

Corey: (Bart) Oow, that’s gotta hoit!

>        Jarred:  (Stretches, but suddenly bursts into a laughing snort.)

>        >

>        "That’s for trying to make me go home when i’m not tired Dumpkoff." Asuka

>        yelled

Corey: What’s ‘tired Dumkoff’ ... oh, I get it, there’s a comma missing, isn’t there?

as she walked out the door. Shinji could only look at her and rub

>        his head.

>        Back at the Suzuhara residence: "Touji are you asleep yet?" Ngumo's question

>        was only answered with the most disturbing snore on the face of the earth.

Corey: (Darth Vader) There’s a disturbance in the force.

>        "I figured you were." Ngumo said softly. He decided to also go to sleep.

>        But his dreams had about the same disturbment factor

>        Jarred:  Let’s run that through the weird fish-o-metre.

Corey: ...Whatever that is.

>        >as Touji’s snore.

Corey: That is disturbing.

>        He was never so happy to see the morning for two reasons:

1)     He could see Rei and 2) He didn’t have to go back to sleep.

Corey: That maybe good, if you don’t want to go back to sleep.

>        Over at the Hikari’s: "I’ll get dressed first okay Hikari." said Akemi.

>        "Cool, I get more time to sleep." Hikari say groggily.

>        Sarah:  You know, you could get dressed at the same time...

Corey: You know, that is a good point.

>        >Hikari drifts back in

>        to her dreams for the future day when suddenly 

>        "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!", a scream is heard from the bathroom. Hikari falls out of her bed.

Corey: It’s a good thing she’s not on a top bunk. Falling out of one of those really hurts. Trust me, I’ve done it.

>        "What the hell’s the matter with you Akemi!" Hikari screams as running

>        towards the bathroom.

>        Jarred:  Also featuring ‘My Father snores’ as ‘he annoys me when he snores’. 

Corey: And ‘This fic’ as ‘annoying the shit out of me’.

>        >

>        "Some of the dye wasn’t dry in the front and it dripped onto my school

>        clothes." Akemi said sadly.

>        "Is THAT all? Hikari asked wondrously. The only thing that went through

>        Akemi’s mind was a SD Kensuke laughing at a SD form of herself with blonde

>        hair and purple bangs.

>        All:  .....................

>        Jarred:  What the F***’s ‘a SD’?

Corey: Oh, I know, it’s a ssssssss...no, I lost it. My guess would be ‘Sketch Drawing’, but I wouldn’t have the foggiest clue.

>        >

>        "Don’t worry Kemi i’ll just slide the bang back into the two

>        balls. This way no one won’t even notice it." Hikari said.

>        (Jarred has a very disgusted, worried look on his face).

Corey: Who’d want to look like Serena? Honestly!

>        >

>        "But, what will I do about my uniform. This is the only one they would

>        accept at our school." Akemi whined.

>        "You can wear one of mine." Hikari proudly said.

>        "I'll probably just stretch it all out." Akemi said slyly. After a short

>        pause...

>        "Oh, SHIT!, Hikari screamed, I was supposed to meet Touji early today and

>        now I might be late for school altogether. Outta my way Kemi!" Hikari

>        screamed while shoving Akemi out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

>        The two girls were running to school at a speed that was unbelievable.

>        Hikari was ignoring every single law that is set for a pedestrian.

>        "Shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh SHIT!, We are going to be late!" Hikari

>        yelled while panting and running up the hill to their school. Akemi only

>        gave the class rep a look of shock never hearing her being so vulgar.

Corey: Great! One looks like Serena, the other acts like her...(Frank Grimes) eh eh dahh eh...AHHAHHH!

>        Asuka

>        and Shinji saw two blonde ponytails and a swerve of light blue whiz by them

>        and into the school door. Shinji was knocked down by the whiz of wind.

>        Sarah:  Whiz of wind?

>        Jessica:  It’s probably better if we don’t find out.

Corey: ‘ulp’ can I take a toilet break?

Voice: No!

Corey (whining): Why not?

Voice: You wont come back.

Corey: ...well, yeah...but I really need to go!

Voice: NO!

Corey (mumbling): bastard.

Voice: What?

Corey: BASTARD!

Voice:...oh...OH, ALRIGHT! But you better come back!

Corey: Fine, fine.

[Corey rushes to the toilet.]

>        >

>        "You are such a megadork." Asuka screamed at him.

>        Jarred:  And that was prompted by what the F***?

>        >Hikari ran into the

>        classroom over to a very upset looking Touji and gave him an apologetic kiss

>        no one thought would be done in school. She did it until the bell rang.

>        5 minutes.

[Corey returns]

Corey: ...I came back for this?!

>        Jarred:  I hate this fic.

>        Shinji (O/S):  I hate this ceiling.

>        Jarred:  What the?!

>        Shinji:  Huh?  Whoops, forgot to turn the speaker off.  Oh, can someone hand me a drink?  (A swirling portal opens up in the room, and a hand reaches down.)

>        [Jarred gives the hand a drink from the Coke-machine.]

>        Shinji:  Thanks!  (The hand disappears and the portal closes up).

>        Others:  .........Okay......

>        David:  Huh?  What did I miss?

>        Jessica:  Never mind.

Corey: I won’t. I have no idea what the F@#! That was.

>        >She then said her class rules in a very satisfied tone of

>        voice. Aoki was staring at Ngumo who was staring at Rei. Ngumo was staring

>        at Rei and wondering if she really did stuff like in his dream.

>        Jarred:  ......yeah......

>        >He thought

>        to himself how the prospect of his dream was not such a bad idea. It even

>        started to...

>        drop, drop after one another the drops of blood came out of his nose he

>        covered it up and pulled a tissue out of his bookbag quickly before

>        anyone noticed.

>        Jarred:  Oh.  Hey, is this the dream?  Is the dream really about Ngumo having a nose-bleed? 

Corey: ...I kinda doubt it.

>        David:  That’s pretty pathetic, you know.

>        >Aoki was a very perceptive young man though and saw it,

>        he growled to himself wondering what the hell Ngumo could be thinking

>        to himself that would arouse him during one of Professor Katsuragi’s

>        tedious lessons on geometry. The bell rang for lunch and Hikari gave

>        her orders for lunch dismissal. Shinji, Asuka, Ngumo, Rei, Touji,

>        Hikari, Kensuke and Akemi sat at one table.

>        Sarah:  Why?  Why would ‘the three stooges’ sit with them?

Corey: Probably the same reason why Asuka would sit with ‘the three stooges’.

>        >Again Aoki looked on to see

>        Rei’s hand dangerously close to Ngumo’s butt.

Corey: Hmmm, interesting, Rei.

>        "Whore." Aoki thought to himself before he walked away to sit under the only

>        tree in the yard.

>         

Corey: GET OUTTA MY YARD, YA BLINKIN’ KIDS!

>         

>         The tree where him and Ngumo used to have lunch before his

>        tall friend started hanging out with the three stooges.

Corey: Speaking of which, I wonder which one Shinji is.

>        "So when does the train leave?" Shinji asked inquisitively.

>        "At 1:30 or 3:00."

>        "And when does the concert start?" asked Asuka.

>        "At 7:30, Hikari informed, Does everyone have their train money and notes

>        from their parents?"

>        Jarred:  Who’s speaking?

>        Sarah:  Who’s reading while talking?

Corey: Probably Hikari... at least that’s my guess.

>        >

>        "Hai!" everyone screamed simultaneously.

>        (All cover their ears).

>        Jarred:  Why the fuck would they scream it?

>        Sarah:  What did you say?!

>        Jarred:  I said, ‘Why the fuck would they scream it?’

>        Sarah:  I can’t hear you! 

>        Jarred:  Never mind!

Corey: HAI!

>        >

>        "Fine then i’ll give these to Professor Katsuragi and we can all leave after

>        lunch." Hikari explained. After everyone decided who will pick up who and

>        everything the 8 friends departed from the table.

>        Jarred:  Yes, 8 Imaginary friends.

Corey: Well, they’re all part of someone’s imagination. Particularly Hideaki Anno’s...except for Ngumo, Aoki and Akemi.

>        >Ngumo walked over to Aoki.

>        "You no you

>        Jarred:  No, you!

>        David:  No, YOU!

Corey: Oh, shut up, the both of you.

>        >really screw your features when you look so upset."

>        Rachel:  He screws his own features?

>        Sarah:  Yep.  ...What does the author mean by ‘features’?

Corey: His face would be my first guess.

>        >Ngumo said

>        jokingly.

>        "Ngumo no BAKA!" Aoki screamed at Ngumo.

Corey: You mean Ngumo has an idiot? Cause that’s what you’re saying, “Ngumo’s idiot!”

>        "What’s wrong with you?" Ngumo asked still in shock.

>        Jarred:  Ouch!  The fic’s even getting to Ngumo!

>        >

>        "You didn’t even try to get me invited i’m sure one of the girls would have

>        liked to go with me." Aoki said sadly.

>        "But Aoki you don’t like girls." Ngumo said slyly.

>        "You know what, Whatever! Go ahead and have major fun with the

>        blue-haired girl." Aoki shot back.

>        "Ngumo COME AWN!" Touji shouted.

>        Jarred:  Whatever one of those is.

>        >

>        "I’m real sorry Furisawa, we’ll go to the movies tomorrow when i’m done

>        with my homework, i’ll pay. Hey, try not to look so pissed dickface."

>        Ngumo said kindly.

>        Rachel:  Well, that made... huh?

>        Jarred:  Ngumo called him dickface.  That, I can understand.  But him saying it kindly?!  That’s just not humanly possible!

Corey: The two things do contradict each other, don’t they?

>        >

>        "See ya!" Ngumo screamed while running away with Touji.

>        Jarred:  Jeez.  Settle, petal.

>        (Girls snicker, then hold their hands out towards Jarred.)

>        (Jarred high-fives all of them.)

Corey: (Adam and David) BOO!

>        >

>        "You’re a real homo, you know that?" Touji said jokingly to Ngumo. Ngumo’s

>        only response was only a soft

>        "Hmm?".

>        Jarred:  That’s it?

Corey: Afraid so.

>        >Back at the tree: Aoki sighs in utter delight as the bell rings for

>        gym.

Corey: If that actually is possible.

>        "Ngumo, I love you" Aoki said while changing.

>        Sarah:  Out in the open?

>        Rachel:  Hey look, I can see his pecker!

>        Jessica:  (Laughing)  It’s so...small!

Corey: Oh, GOD! [vomits]

>        >

>        Ending Song: To the Moon and Back by Savage Garden

Corey: I’ve heard of that song.

>        ***************************************************************

>        Ending Comments: The next one is on the way and it’ll deal more

>        with some of the other characters.My E-mail address is www.kaorunagisa@yahoo.com. Fan mail

>        appreciated. Flames will be read, examined and used for future ideas.

Corey: I take it he doesn’t have a firewall. Interesting.

>        Jessica:  This author could definitely benefit from them. 

>        Jarred:  They’ll need a filter-system, though.

>        >

>        Next Ep: Oh, Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love! Let My Love be Forever

>        pt.2  The trip their still has some more wacky hijinks to come

Corey: By the sound of that ‘their’, they’re not going anywhere.

 and that

>        disturbing act has not yet been committed in the male locker room yet.

>        (ALL Shudder).

[Corey vomits again]

>        >Also

>        in the next episode is the premiere of best character of the series.

Corey: PenPen?

>        Jarred:  Bet they’re an idiot!

>        David:  It can’t be a bet if we all agree.

Corey: The author doesn’t, obviously. It’s a bet.

>        >More

>        teenage angst’s full speed ahead on the next installment of Evaless:

>        Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev!

Corey: Whatever that is.

>        Copyright Stuff: Still the same from the first episode.

Corey: Are you sure?

>        Jarred:  Read:  Crap.

>         

>        [The TV Turns off.]

Corey: Dang TV!

>        Stiriox:  Well, what did you think?

>        Sarah:  (Absently) About what?

>        Stiriox:  The fic?

>        Sarah:  What about the fic?

Corey: ...[putting his face in his hands] Oh no.

>        Stiriox:  What did you think?

>        Sarah:  About what?

>        Stiriox:  About the fic!

>        Sarah:  What about the fic?

>        Stiriox:  What the bloody think about the fic?!

Corey:...Dan, that made no sense.

>        Sarah:  Oh, that.  It was crap.

>        Stiriox:  Really?

>        Sarah:  Yes.

>        Stiriox:  Would you mind going into more detail?

Corey: Do we have to?

>        Sarah:  The characters were so utterly crap it wasn’t funny.  Shinji didn’t act like Shinji – not even the alternate version.  Asuka had no motives for whacking Shinji other than for the hell of it.  I know for a fact that she only does this when she’s angry at him – which, despite appearances, isn’t all the time.  She whacks him one when he does something, not completely out of the blue for no reason.  Then there’s Rei – Rei’s and idiot.

Corey: Or an idiot.

 Granted, in the alternate world, she’s a complete ditz; that doesn’t excuse her.

Corey: It doesn’t?

 Then there’s those new characters – what the hell do they contribute to the story?  Gayness.  That’s about it.  I mean, DAMN.  Damn, were they gay!  Okay, let me see if I got all this:  Ngumo is tall, and gay.  Aoki is gay.  Akumi is female, but she’s probably a Lesbian.

Corey: 1) wasn’t it Akemi? 2) Doesn’t she like Kensuke?

 Oh, and she has ‘obstructions’ in her hair.  That’s what has to annoy me the most, apart from the fact that she’s about as ‘fleshed out’ as a Sailor Moon character.

Corey: And the fact that Hikari’s making her look like one. The worst one, at that!

 Which brings me to the conclusion that the author is a 7-year-old fan-girl/boy who desperately likes Sailor Moon, and saw Eva in passing, so they thought “Why not put some Sailor Moon characters into Evangelion?”  And that’s about it.

>        Stiriox:  What about you, Jarred?

>        Jarred:  Me?  I thought that was the greatest thing I’ve ever read!  It gave me ‘Warm and Fuzzy Feelings’ (WAFF) like I’d never thought even existed, while staying 100% true to their character’s mindsets and personalities!  I reckon it should be given a golden trophy or something!

>        Stiriox:  You thought EVALESS was GOOD?!
Jarred:  EVALESS?!  I was talking about Casanova Shinji!  (All hail Lord Iron Balls!)

Corey: [blinks] ...what?

  EVALESS was crap!  I read Casanova Shinji all the way through the damn thing!

Corey: I’ll have to read that sometime.

>        Stiriox: Oh.  I see.  David?

>        David:  No comment.  I was playing Solitare.

Corey: Well, after reading that, I could go for some.

>        Stiriox:  Right.  Jessica?

>        Jessica:  What the F*** was that?  I mean seriously.  What was it?  I think someone should throw it out, because that was definitely past its use-by date!

Corey: Fics have use-by dates? If so, then I’ve got a few that have passed their’s.

The characterization?  Crap.  I give it lenience because it was