Bwahahahahaha...er, I mean...AHAHAHAHAHAHAH...ah, forget it.

Anyway, it’s time again for me to riff a fic ...it’s pretty much all I do. Let’s see what we have today... WHAT?! This one?! Well, okay, then. This is a great fic. We’ve got our work cut out for us.

Let’s take it away...

********************************************************************************************

[The scene: A well furbished apartment. Two lounges are set up in a V shape, with at least a doorways space between the ends, to face a large cabinet with a Wide-screen Digital TV opposite the front door. In a corner to the right of the TV, is a P.C., well equipped, I might add. It has state-of-the-art components like a 2Ghz Pentium 4 Processor, 40Gb Hard drive, Windows XP, Broadband internet access and stuff like that ... I think. Off to the left of the door is a kitchen. Around the place stand multiple doors leading to places men fear to tread, or couldn't be bothered going in. Either way, what lay beyond them is hidden in secrecy.]

?:[In the hallway] I’m telling ya, I could’ve taken him!

?:[also in the hallway] I don’t care what you’re telling me, you can’t take Goku!

[Homer and Bohan enter]

Homer: Who said anything about him? I was talking about that guy that cut in front of me in the line at the canteen.

Bohan: Oh, well he’d be too easy.

Homer:...Oh yeah. Well, I still could’ve.

Bohan: Whatever.

[Bohan takes a seat on the left couch, while Homer takes to the fridge.]

Homer: [from the kitchen] Hey, there’s some soft drink cans in here.

Bohan: Yeah? What kind?

Homer: It looks like Coke to me. A 30pack.

Bohan: Oh. I wonder who put those there.

?: [from hallway] So what’s so good about it.

?: [again, from the hallway] I can’t tell you, you have to read it yourself.

[Corey enters]

Corey: It better be good.

[Jarred enters]

Jarred: Trust me, It definitely is.

Bohan: What is?

Corey: Oh, we’re just talking about a fic he read.

Homer: [walking out of the kitchen] Hey, would you know who put those Coke cans in the fridge.

Corey: Oh, that’d be me. I bought them a couple of weeks ago...want one?

Homer: Sure.

Corey: I’ll go get em. You guys have a seat.

Jarred: Yah, ok.

[Jarred sits on the right couch while Homer takes his on the left one, closest to the TV.]

Voice: Well, well. Everybody’s here.

Homer: Not every mind is.

Voice: What do you mean by that?

Homer:.........by what?

Voice:.........I see.

[Corey walks out of the kitchen carrying four cans]

Corey: What are we in for today.

Voice: I dunno, lesse...Wooo. Would you look at that!!

Corey: Fic that bad, huh?

Voice: No, I saw a spider. As for the fic, here it is.

Bohan: Pass us a can.

Corey: Sure. [passes Bohan a can] anyone else?

[Homer and Jarred slightly raise a hand each. Corey passes a can to each of them]

Corey: [opens his can] let’s begin, shall we?

[The fic begins. Incredible...yeah.]

>        <*** Ninja Crowbotics Presents ***>

Homer: Ooh, can I have one?

>        "SHINJI!  WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU!" Misato screamed into the monitor.  In

>        vain, actually.  The com links had already been severed.

Jarred: ...oohoo!

Corey: What?

Jarred (innocently): Oh, nothing.

Corey: (Dr Evil) ...Rii---ght.

>        <*** A Jolt Induced 4AM Production ***>

Homer: Is that a radio station?

Bohan:...Uhh, no. I don’t think frequency goes that low.

>        A bright snap of electricity arched off EVA-01's back as the umbilical

>        cord was ripped free.  An ungodly roar was emitted from the purple

>        Evangelion's jaws.

Corey: It roared. 

>        "We've lost all pilot contacts!" Ritsuko gasped.  "I think he's

>        unconscious!!!"

>        "Cut the sixth fuse!!  Eject the plug!!"

>        "EVA-01 isn't responding!" Ritsuko replied.  "But the sync ratio is

>        rising!  I don't understand what's going on?!?"

Homer: Neither do we.

Corey: I have some idea.

Jarred: Me, too. Hehehehehehe...

[Corey looks at Jarred with a ‘what-the...!?’ look.]

Jarred: ...well, I do.

Corey: ...Good for you.

>        "Shinji!  Five minutes of power remaining!" Misato yelled into the mike

>        in vain, hoping that her voice somehow got through.  She turned to the

>        command room.  "Get EVA-00 out there!  NOW!"

>        EVA-01's attacker was on the screen now.  A small, red object in the

>        shape of some kind of rabid animal.

Corey (sarcastic): Yeah, that narrows it down a lot.

 It lashed out with a whip-like

>        tail, connecting with the EVA's head and ripping through it's armor.

>        It let out another roar as a gush of blood sprayed out over the

>        armament buildings and ground around the two behemoths. 

>        Then...

>        Two lightning fast hands came up and grabbed the Angel's tail,

>        surprising it.  It hissed in anger, but it couldn't pull away. 

>        Ritsuko's eyes were wide.  "Oh no..." she whispered.  "EVA-01's going

>        into..."

>        "Berserker Mode!"

Corey: I knew it.

>        ***********************************************************************

o        NEON GENESIS EVANGELION! 

Homer: Well, that’s obvious.

Bohan: Gotta have a title.

o        SHINJI THE CASANOVA?  A FRIGHTENING PREDICAMENT!!!

Corey: ...So...this is the “Casanova Shinji” you were talking about, hmm?

Jarred: Yeah, this is gonna be sweet.

Corey:...we’ll  see.

o        By Strike Fiss, 1999

Homer: Is that a lame version of ‘Strike Laser Claw’?

Bohan: ...I seriously don’t think so.

>        ***********************************************************************

>        Disclaimer:  If I had owned this, you'd all be paying to read this!

Corey: B@$#@%!

>        Since you don't have to pay a dime...do the math.

Homer: (Goku) sixteen take one...umm...

 You know it's not

>        mine.  Isn't this much nicer?

Corey: Possibly.

  I thought so.  Don't complain. 

>        Notes:  Okay, uh, MOSTLY Lime-Romance/WAFF,

Jarred: I like WAFF...mmm, WAFF.

Corey: ...(Dr Evil) Ri---ght.

with just a wee bit of

>        everything else.

Homer: Can I get an order of fries with that?

  Yee gods, OOC.  No, wait, OOC is too light of a term. 

Corey: Probably not as OOC as those Supertron guys sometimes are in fanfiction.

[Jarred loudly clears his throat]

Corey: [looks to Jarred] ...What?

[Jarred fumes]

>        At the same time, though, it's close enough.  I've seen a lot worse

>        character representation,

Corey: Take Neon Exodus Evangelion, for example.

 and this is not too bad for the time period

>        (sometime after the Kiss, and just before Shinji's syncs surpass

>        Asuka's)

Corey: I think I know what kiss, but I’m not entirely sure when that other thing happens.

ALSO, the slightly different character representation is PART

>        OF THE STORY, so bite me. Snoogins.

Bohan: ...Ooookaayy.

>        C&C:  strikef@bigfoot.com

Homer: What an odd name.

>        ***********************************************************************

>        The new Angel had shown up only a few hours earlier.  It looked almost

>        like a walking bat with four legs and a long tail with a massive,

>        scorpion barb on the end.  The color of blood as well.

Bohan: And American, too.

  It's Core was

>        on it's belly, but it always walked too close to the ground for Shinji

>        to crush.  Though it was only a tenth of the size of EVA-01, it was

>        tearing the giant weapon apart, one slash at a time.  They hadn't even

>        thought Shinji would need backup... not until the cord was cut.

Homer:[snipping with his index and digit fingers like scissors] snip snip

>        "EEEAAARRGH!!!!!"  the giant Evangelion kicked the Angel off of it's

>        body.

Corey: Shouldn’t have an apostrophe.

>        Before the tiny angel could land and smash into the ground, EVA-01 was

>        already charging after it's opponent.  CHOM CHOM CHOM CHOM!  Each

>        footstep launched itself forward entire city blocks at a time. 

Bohan: Big steps.

>        "EEEEEEEE!" the Angel finally smashed into the center of a mountain and

>        stopped flying.  Unfortunately for the tiny red attacker, that was the

>        exact moment where EVA-01 jumped forward and flew into the same spot in

>        the mountain, using the Angel to absorb the shock.

>        "Two minutes left!" Misato yelled into the intercom.  "WHERE'S REI!?!"

Corey: quickest three minutes I ever saw.

>        "She's in the elevator!  Thirty seconds!" Maya said, furiously working

>        the controls to get Shinji his backup. 

>        EVA-01 raised itself out of the crater it caused, then, without even

>        pausing, began to pound it's massive fists into the Angel.  It never

>        had a chance against the man-made-monster

Corey: One more hyphen than necessary.

as it howled in anger...

>        blood still gushing from its head. 

>        Battered and cracked, the Angel fought on, however... struggling to

>        twist itself free from the Evangelion's concrete grip.  Infuriated by

>        the fact that the Angel was still moving, the raving EVA lifted the

>        monster into the air...

>        And began to EAT it.

Homer: Eww.

Bohan: Crunchy.

>         The control team watched, completely stunned, as EVA-01 took massive

>        bites out of the Angel, ripping it into shreds and devouring most of

>        it's red flesh.  A horrible, growling crunch echoed out across the city

>        as it finally bit into the Angel's Core and swallowed.

[All gulp loudly]

>         Turning to the center of Tokyo 3, it was almost as if EVA-01 was

>        grinning at the camera as the red dripped from it's jaws.

Corey: Or, rather, its jaws.

One final,

>        triumphant roar, and it's power cells were depleted.  It crouched down

>        on the ground and powered down.  A moment later, Shinji's plug ejected

>        from the back of his EVA's neck and parachuted to safety.

>        Everyone in the control room back at NERV stood silent for a moment,

>        shocked. 

Corey: Wouldn’t you be?

>         "Tell Rei to find the plug...get him back right away." Ritsuko said

>        quietly.

>        "Well..." Misato smiled as she fingered her necklace absentmindedly.

>        "At least he won."

Homer (nervously) ...eh, woo hoo.

>         ***

>        "EEeAARGH!"

All: AAAAAAGH!!!

>        Shinji woke with a start.

Homer: GO!

His eyes were immediately flooded with the

>        calm, blue-white light of the infirmary.  Somehow, even so deep in the

>        hospital, he could hear the sounds of nature outside.  Calming crickets

>        and birds that made an eerie, yet relaxing background hum.

Corey:...Odd.

>        The effect was indeed calming, and the young man sighed and let himself

>        hit the pillow with his head once more.

Homer: Ooh, that’s gotta hurt.

The bed was colder than usual. 

>        His back wasn't raw.  He must have only been out for a few hours or a

>        day. 

>        A tiny smile crept up on his face as he realized this was pretty much

>        how he started EVA piloting.  Still, losing consciousness and going

>        berserk had the advantage that you didn't remember much of the pain

>        until later.  What he did find disturbing was the taste of LCL in his

>        mouth.  A coppery, blood-like taste that he always hated... but had

>        gotten used to sometime after the Fifth Angel or so. 

>        But the taste was bugging him.  It was obvious he was washed up.  He

>        didn't usually wake up with it in his stomach.

Corey: Ooh, I just lost my appetite...I’ll go get a burger.

[Corey leaves to get a burger. Don’t that beat all.]

>        A nurse walking by his room made the observation he was alive and well,

>        and flashed him a warm smile before walking off to alert NERV.  Shinji

>        seemed to have a fan club at the hospital.

Homer: [pulling a small sign, with “Shinji Rulz!” on it, from a) Nowhere, b) Hammerspace or c) the back of the couch. You pick.] (sarcastically) Shinji, Shinji, rah rah rah.

He blushed when he realized

>        his clothes were changed.  The nurses probably chuckled each time they

>        saw him naked.  He hated that thought.  Maybe, he promised himself, in

>        a few years, he'd start working out and not be so skinny, but for now,

>        that fact reminded him every day why the ladies of Tokyo 3 would hardly

>        give him a second...

>        "Stop your complaining!"

[Corey comes in with a burger. Funny that.]

Corey: Who said that??!

[Corey sits back where he was...before...yeah]

>        Shinji gasped, sitting up and looking around for the voice that had

>        said that.  "W...who's there???!" he whispered.

Jarred: (Darth Vader) I am your father.

>        No answer.

Homer: Of course there is no answer; there wasn’t a question.

Bohan:.........uhhh, I think “Who is there???!” counts as a question.

Homer: (Homer...the fat one) ...Oh, right.

>        Shinji didn't see anyone, and the door hadn't been opened.  "Asuka?" he

>        frowned.  "Asuka...if this is a joke, I'm not in the mood."

Corey: (Asuka) Good, cause you ain’t getting’ any.

Jarred: Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure.

Corey: Why’s that?

Jarred: I won’t say.

Corey: (Dr. Evil) ...Rii----ght.

>        "It's not a joke." Came the voice again.  "I'm here!"

Homer: WHERE?!!

>        Now Shinji was frightened.  "ARGH!  I'm hearing things!" he placed his

>        hands on his ears.  "Great!  Just what I needed!!"

Bohan: You need a lot more that that, Shinji.

>        The voice sighed.  "No wonder you're so jumpy."

>        Shinji paused, frowning.  "What do you mean 'no wonder'???"

Jarred: It’s the same as saying “It’s obvious why”

Corey: hmm, (thinking slightly aloud) no wonder blah blah, it’s obvious why blah blah...(normal) hey, it is the same.

 he asked,

>        not thinking it too strange to be talking to nothing.

>        A laugh this time.  "If I tell you, you're going to be mad, and then

>        you're going to just think you're even more crazy." It said calmly. 

>        "Maybe I should let you have a good night's sleep before we continue

>        this conversation."

Jarred: What’ll that do?

>        Shinji blinked. "Wait!  No!  I'm sorry... I didn't mean to complain..."

>        No answer.

>        That was the moment Asuka and Misato came in the room.  Shinji was

>        standing on his bed, looking at the pillow with an accusing stare. 

>        "What did you MEAN!!?  I want to know!" he frowned.  "Don't go silent

>        on me!  Come on!  I'm sorry!"  He didn't seem to notice his hospital

>        gown let his bare ass stick out for all the world to see.

Corey: ...Oh boy.

>        Both ladies blinked.

Corey: If you can call Asuka a lady.

Misato sighed and turned to leave.  "I'll get the

>        car."

>        Asuka stormed up to Shinji, who was still growling at the pillow. 

>        "Baka Shinji!  Get some clothes on, pervert!"

Homer: Baka? What the...?!

Corey: I know he’s a coward, but an idiot? And a pervert?! He’s not a pervert. Toji and Kensuke are the perverts, not Shinji.

Homer: How do you get ‘idiot’ out of that?

Corey:...Baka is Japanese for idiot.

Homer: Ohh, that explains a lot.

Bohan: Baka.

Homer: What was that?!

Bohan: Baka.

Homer: Oh...whatever that is.

Bohan, Corey and Jarred: .........

>        Shinji looked at his back and finally noticed his hospital gown.  He

>        squeaked something unintelligible and dove under the covers.

All: DIVE DIVE!!!

>          

>        "A...A...A...Asuka!"  he gasped.  "W...what are you doing here?!?"  his

>        face was bright red.

Corey: Being a pain in the ass.

>        "Well, I'm not here to look at your naked scrawny ass!" she fumed,

>        turning almost as red as he was.  She promptly tossed his clothes onto

>        him.  "Are you coming??"

Homer: (Shinji) WHAT?!! Oh, ‘going’ coming. Yeah, sure, I guess

>        "Sorry..."

Homer: Oh, right – Shinji = spineless coward who apologises for everything. Now it’s coming back to me

>        She muttered something in German and slammed her way out of the door.

Corey: A couple of guys there to be slammed for no reason, I see.

>        There was a long, pregnant pause.

Homer: I can feel it kicking.

[Bohan whacks Homer with a pillow]

 Finally, the voice came back. 

>        "Well..." it said with an obvious grin on it's invisible face.  "This

>        is going to be interesting."

>        "What do you mean!?" Shinji growled as he put on his clothes.  "You're

>        just a figment of my imagination!"

>        "We'll talk later." The voice said, calmly.  It wasn't a bad voice.  A

>        younger male.  Very calm and soothing.  Just like the birds and the

>        crickets outside.  It was almost...angelic.

>        Shinji felt a chill run through his spine.

Corey: Shut the door, it’s cold.

>        ***

>        Asuka, of course, wasn't about to let the incident of Shinji yelling at

>        his hospital bed go by quietly.

Corey (sarcastic): Gee, that’s a surprise.

  As they ate dinner with Misato that

>        evening, she had a very scary smile on her face.

Corey: (Homer Simpson) Phht! That’s not so scary.

Homer: (Lisa) A smile...FROM HELL!

Corey: (Homer S.) I’m gonna go to the store.

>        Shinji hardly noticed.  He ate his ramen and drank his water with the

>        same blank look he had on when he listened to his SDAT. 

>        "Shinji?"

Jarred (pretending to eat): mmyeah?

>        He blinked, looking up to see Asuka's evil grin.  He frowned.

Corey: I don’t blame him; I don’t like it, either.

>        "Do you two want to be left alone?" the redhead continued.

All: ...what?!

>        He frowned twice as hard.  "What?"

Bohan (annoyed): What, indeed?

>        "Well, it's obvious you and the noodles are discussing something very

>        important." Asuka said with a remarkably straight face.  "Do you two

>        want to be left al..."

Corey (agitated): HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISSY!!

Jarred: We’ve heard enough out of you!

Bohan: I agree.

Homer: Yeah. What a B!%@#!

>        Shinji got up and left.  Misato, who had been nicely buzzed from her

>        after-dinner-beer-beer

Jarred: I think there’s too many ‘beer’s.

Corey: Or not enough ‘after’s.

, finally noticed Shinji's absence and blinked. 

>        "What's wrong with Shinji?"

Corey: Let’s just say he’s not a very happy chappy.

Jarred: ...yeah.

>        SLAM!!

[Bohan hits Homer with a pillow]

Homer: [Jumping back out off the lounge] WAAUGH!

Bohan: eheheheh.

Jarred: [looking over] ...well, I gotta admit – that was pretty funny.

Corey (laughing): [also looking over] heheheh, yeah.

>         

>        Asuka, without pity, began to laugh her head off.

Jarred: ...I was talking about Homer getting hit by a pillow being funny. That was stupid!

>        Misato, however, had a concerned look on her face.  Asuka noticed this. 

>        "What?!?"

Corey: You had to ask.

>        "His Eva went berserk today." The older woman said quietly.  Images of

>        the gore still ripped fresh in her mind.  "It wasn't pretty..."

Jarred: Well, I’ve seen prettier, that’s for sure.

>        Asuka gave her a look that told her she expected her guardian to start

>        laughing any second now.  She never did, though.  "You're serious? 

>        Baka Shinji?" she just grumbled and returned to her own ramen.  "Nobody

>        makes this big of a deal when *I* rip apart an Angel.

Corey: Probably because Unit 02 never ate one.

  Maybe I should

>        change my name to Shinji the Second to get some attention around

>        here..."

Jarred: That’s just stupid.

>        Misato stood, smacked her beer can unceremoniously on the table, and

>        then walked off to her own room.  "You complain too much."

Bohan: I agree.

>        "Why do I even bother?" Asuka sighed.  Deep down, though, she wanted to

>        smack herself.

All: ...really?

If Shinji really had a bad day...  "Why do I

>        bother...?"

Jarred: We could ask you the same question.

>        ***

>        For a chance of pace, Shinji put in a new tape in the side of his SDAT

>        and pressed play.  This was his 'Sad Sad Shinji' tape.

Corey: He has his own tape?

Part Two.

Corey: You mean there’s more than one?

  The

>        first tape had long since worn out.  He always listened to it when, for

>        no reason, he felt lower than dirt.

Jarred: Everyday.

>        That little tape had been getting a lot of mileage ever since Asuka

>        moved in.

Corey (sarcastic): I wonder why that is?

>        And not for the reasons one might think.

Corey: It isn’t?!

Jarred: How do you know?

>        He lay on top of his covers, still dressed in his clothes as sad,

>        soulful opera played in the background of his mind.

>        "My GOD man!"

Homer: What’s that?

>        Shinji almost screamed as he heard the voice again.  It was clear, even

>        through the music.  "Wh...what are you!?!" he whispered, feeling his

>        heart racing.

Homer: (Racing commentator) And it’s Shinji’s heart coming around the turn, followed only by Goku’s brain and Asuka’s wit...

>        "We'll get to that in a second," replied the voice with a cough.  "But

>        can you PLEASE change the music??  It's no WONDER everyone thinks

>        you're a dork!  Come on!  'Sad Sad Shinji' tape number two?  You had to

>        make a sequel?"

Bohan: I’m surprised he made an original.

>        "I am not a dork!" Shinji whispered back, hoping his discussion

>        wouldn't be heard from the hall.  "Who are you?!?"

Corey: (Homer S., drunk) I’m the Prime Minister of Ireland.

>        "I'm not saying anything until you put on something better." Said the

>        voice, now more stern.  "I love opera as much as the next guy, but you

>        listen to it WAY too much."

Jarred: Obviously

>        Shinji felt very offended.  "Fine!"  he popped the tape out of his SDAT

>        and reached over to the night-stand for another.  "What would be okay

>        by YOU then?"

Corey: Metallica would be nice.

Jarred: Or Bon Jovi.

>        "Well, some Barry White or perhaps Fiona Apple would be lovely." It

>        replied cheerfully.

Bohan: ...O---kaaay.

>        "I got some jazz.  That okay by you?" Shinji replied with sarcasm

>        dripping from his voice.  He popped it in and pressed 'play'.

Jarred: Dang! Play button’s busted.

Corey: I wish.

>        "Ooh, that's nice.  A lot better." Beamed the voice inside his head. 

>        "Is that Ray Charles?  You kids today never listen to the oldies

>        anymore.  I'm impressed."

Corey: Phht! It’s not that great.

>        "Thanks." Shinji grumbled.  "You can stay for the song, but after that,

>        get out of my head."

Homer: mmmmmno.

>        There was a short pause.  "It's not that easy." The voice said quietly. 

>        "You see, I'm kind of stuck here."

Corey: (Joe Cooper)...That sucks, dude.

>        Shinji's eyes went wide.  "What?" he took a deep breath, trying to

>        remain calm.  "Who are you?  WHAT are you!?!"

Homer: Wouldn’t you like to know?

>        "Oh come on...I know you're smarter than that, Shinji."

Corey:...you do?

 The voice

>        sighed.  "Do you remember your fight with the Angel this morning?"

>        "No." Shinji replied quickly.  "Not much.  It came out of nowhere and

>        started to..." he paused.  "You...re..."

Jarred: Barney the Dinosaur!

All: AAAAAAAAGH!

Corey: Don’t DO THAT!

Jarred: ...sorry.

>        "I'm that Angel." Replied the voice.

>        "Oh god oh god oh god...!"

Jarred: Would I be right in saying that it’s Shinji who’s talking? I’m not quite sure.

>        "RELAX SHINJI!" the Angel yelled.  Shinji stopped.  "That's better." It

>        sighed.  "Yes, I am that Angel that you fought today.  Though I must

>        say, I think I suffered a lot worse than you did."

>        "Wh...?"

>        "You ATE me, Shinji!" the Angel replied angerly.  "I mean...COME ON! 

>        Who EATS their opponent?  I was just having some fun!  All my bigger

>        brothers were bitching about your Evangelion getting in the way, and I

>        decided to see what all the fuss was about.  I wasn't going to kill

>        you!  I was just going to ruff you up a bit." It grumbled.  "But NO! 

>        You just HAD to come off your rocker and EAT ME!?!?!"

Corey: Why are there question marks there?

>        Shinji was silent.  "I... I'm sorry!  I mean, we didn't know you were

>        just playing around... and... well... I blacked out and my Eva went

>        berserk."

Homer: That’s our Shinji. He even apologises for something his EVA does out of his control.

>        "She's right, you know." The voice said, this time, much happier.  "You

>        apologize way too much.  I suppose I shouldn't have punctured your

>        skull. That was bad form.  Probably got you all riled up."

>        "Uh, no problem..." Shinji said with a big sweat drop forming on his

>        head. "So...I ate you?  Is that why you can't get out?"

>        "I think so." The Angel replied.  "Your Eva... nice name by the way...

>        ate me, but because you were it's pilot, the part of me that still goes

>        on has been... digested... by your mind."

>        Shinji nodded.  It sounded like something Ritsuko would be blabbering

>        on about.  "Okay..."

Corey: Go on.

>        "So, hopefully, all we need to do is wait for me to pass out of your

>        system, and I can go back to my brothers, and you can go back to being

>        lonely." The Angel said.  "In the meantime, though, your brain is

>        actually quite comfortable."

Bohan: ...it is?

>        "So you're not trying to take over my mind, and you're not trying to

>        destroy the human race?" Shinji relaxed noticeably.  "So...um...what do

>        I call you?  Mr. Angel?"

Corey: (the Angel) Anything but “Mr. Squiggle”

>        "Actually, I'm not really a full Angel, you see." Replied the voice. 

>        "It's only my Brothers who you call Angels.  I'm Cherubim." It said

>        proudly.  "And my name is Cupid."

Bohan (shocked): ...come again?!

Homer (shocked): ...you’re kidding, right?!

>        Shinji almost fell off of his bed.  "C...C...CUPID!!???"

Corey: I’d ask the same question.

>        "Oh?  You've heard of me?"  Cupid's calm, happy voice laughed.  "Yes,

>        the one and only.  The Cherub of LUV!!"

Jarred: and ‘love’, even.

he stated proudly.  "And

>        Shinji, my boy, you are in luck!"

>        His eyes widened.  "Wh...what do you mean?"

Corey: Take a guess.

>        "I know we only have a few days together or so." Cupid said.  "And I

>        cannot, in good conscience, leave without making this all up to you.  I

>        feel bad for causing so much trouble."

>        "No... really... that's okay." Shinji whispered.  "You can just tell

>        your Brothers to stop attacking, though."

Jarred: Nope, too easy.

>        "Can't do that, I'm afraid." Cupid sighed.  "If it was up to me, I'd

>        let you all enjoy life and love.  But I'm just a Cherub.  We aren't

>        usually in the loop.  Maybe it's good that you humans are being

>        attacked.  Maybe not.  I personally don't know, and can't stop the

>        others."

>        "Oh." Shinji sighed.  "I suppose it was worth a try..."

>        "What I can do..." Cupid continued.  "...is give you something you've

>        been lacking your entire life, Shinji.

Homer: A spine?

  Ever since your mom died. 

>        Something that, even in situations that would make grown men weep

Corey: A kick in the balls?

 with

>        happiness,

Corey: Oh. Obviously not, then.

 still manages to elude you."

>        Shinji's eyes widened.

>        "A chance for love." Cupid stated simply.  The voice was sincere and

>        direct.

>        The young Ikari's mood threatened to slip deeper into despair.  "Even

>        if you are Cupid, I doubt you could do that." He whispered quietly.

Bohan: I’d have to agree.

>        Cupid said nothing for a long time.  Together, they listened to Ray

>        Charles sing in the background of the brain they were sharing. 

>        "Shinji..." he said slowly.  "I cannot create Love.  Only you and

>        someone else can do that.

Jarred: And guess who that is.

Corey: Oh, be quiet. You’ll ruin the ending.

  However, I CAN give you the chance to find

>        it."

Corey: Here’s a map.

>        "Mmph." Shinji sighed.  "Maybe after the Tenth Impact, I'd have a

>        chance at love."

Homer: He wouldn’t live that long.

Corey: That’s the point.

Homer:...oh.

Bohan: Baka.

>        "I can at least get you laid."

Jarred: Oh, really?

>        Shinji almost coughed on his own blood as it threatened to spurt out of

>        his nose.  "W...WHAT?"

Corey: Nosebleed imminent.

>        Cupid was laughing.  "Sorry...sorry...I apologize.  I was just

>        kidding." He paused.  "Though...if you really wanted to forgo all that

>        Love stuff, I could probably rig something up for a more immediate

>        fix."

Corey: (Eric Cartman) Erh heh Heough!

>        "That's SICK!" Shinji replied, holding his nose.  "I don't want THAT!"

>        he paused.  "Uh...well, at least not without the Love part first!"

Corey: (Cupid) ...very well.

>        "Don't worry, Ikari." Cupid said happily.  "I know you're not a

>        pervert.  You're actually under-average for a boy your age.  I really

>        can't figure out why Asuka keeps pestering you about that."

Jarred: She’s a bitch. That’s all there is to it.

>        "Leave Asuka-chan out of this." Shinji frowned.

Jarred: why?

>        Cupid seemed to nod.  "It's your call, boss."

Corey: You must be looking for his father, Gendo. He’s a boss.

>        "Besides." Shinji grumbled.  "I really don't see what you could do from

>        inside my head."

>        "Oh ye of little faith." Cupid smiled.

Corey:...uh...huh.

>        Shinji felt a warm tingle run through his body.  "What was that?"

Bohan: What, indeed.

>        ***

>        Across the hall and a little to the left, Misato was trying to focus on

>        a synch test report, but found it impossible to do without another swig

>        of beer first.

Homer: What else is new?

  The moment she put down her beer, however, she felt a

>        warm sensation pass over her body.  Her breath caught in her throat for

>        a moment, and when it finally continued, she was blushing.

Corey: ...hmm.

>        She realized why she was blushing.  Her finger was absentmindedly

>        caressing the paper, right where Ikari Shinji had been written down.

Homer: ...interesting.

>        Her mind kept fluttering back to dinner, where she had seen his sad,

>        thoughtful eyes; trying to recall the memories of the day's battle. 

>        Misato kept wishing she could shield him from those memories.

Homer: Don’t we all...

All: Nah!

>        "Oh, Shinji..." she sighed.

>        Almost immediately, she slammed her mouth shut with her hands.  "What

>        am I DOING?!!"

Bohan: Good question.

she gasped under her breath.  Try as she might, however,

>        she couldn't help but recall how tall he was getting as he stood... and

>        how he stormed off to his room.  So gentle and reflective, even in the

>        face of Asuka's constant bullying.

Corey: That’s admirable...sort of.

>        "Well, he does have a nice butt..."

Corey: [slutters out his Coke^®] SAY WHAT?!

 she whispered to herself, no longer

>        forcing her jaw shut.  It wasn't as if she hadn't thought about...

>        this... before.  Their ages were a little extreme, but she had heard of

>        worse.  And... he was sweet... and a hero... and... very kissable...

[Corey starts choking.]

>        Mustering up all her resolve, and all her beer in one gulp, Misato

>        headed for the door.

Jarred: Here we go.

Corey: [stops choking] ...oh boy.

>        ***

>        Before Shinji could question what Cupid had been talking about, there

>        was a soft knock on the door.

>        "Y...yes?" he answered, taking his headphones out of his ears.

>        "Shinji-kun?" came the soft voice of Misato.  Hallway light crept

>        through the door as it cracked open slightly.  "Are you awake?"

Homer: (Shinji) If I wasn’t, would I have said anything?

>        Right away, Shinji felt something in the air.  Shinji-kun?  "Uh...?"

>        He never had the chance to say much else.  Misato stood, closing the

>        door behind herself.  In the soft, midnight blue light, she walked over

>        to the side of his bed and sat down next to him, nearly falling over. 

>        "I... I'm sorry... I'm a little drunk." She said, obviously

>        embarrassed.

Bohan: Obviously.

Corey: The way you drink, it’s understandable.

>        Shinji's eyes grew impossibly wider.  Misato apologizing for being

>        drunk?  "Th...that's okay, M...Misato-san..." he replied nervously. 

>        She smiled.  It wasn't one of her flashy, dazzle-the-men smiles.  It

>        was an honest, 100% proof Misato smile.  Shinji found it impossible to

>        breathe.  She noticed his stare, and glanced away, blushing.  "I... I

>        wanted to tell you something today."

Jarred: (Shinji) I’m not grounded, am I? It wasn’t my fault, It was my Eva!!

>        He nodded weakly, but said nothing.

>        "It seems I... need to... every time I see you almost die out there."

>        She said sadly.  "I want to tell you how proud I am of you.  How... I

>        cherish knowing you... even as just a little boy." Her hand gently came

>        to rest on his thigh.

>        Shinji found breath in a gasp, but then it locked up again when he felt

>        the warmth of her touch. 

>        Misato continued, however.  "I wanted to tell you that you are not a

>        coward, and you are not a pervert." She said with a tear rolling down

>        her face.  Don't let Asuka tell you otherwise.  It's not true."

Bohan: What is true is that you forgot some quotation marks.

>        "Misato...?" he whispered.  This was a side of her he had never though

>        existed.  He didn't even know how to classify it.  It was sad... yet...

>        so truthful and honest.

>        She turned to him with a tiny sniff.  "Shinji...I just want to tell

>        you..."

>        Before he knew what had happened, she leaned towards him and let her

>        lips touch his.

Jarred: Wooooo.

>          He was, out of lack of a better term, paralyzed.

Jarred: [looking at the others, who appear to be paralysed, also] He’s not the only one.

  He

>        opened his mouth slightly to protest, but just found her doing the

>        same.  She was very sweet.  Yes.  Sweet.

Homer: (Daggett) Like can-deh.

  Even with all that beer she

>        had been drinking, she was sweet tasting.

Corey: How odd.

  Soft.  Moist.  It was like

>        wrapping his mouth around the most inviting chocolate cake imaginable.

Homer: (Homer S.) mmmm...chocolate cake.

>        At the same time, he could almost taste something salty.  A tear.  This

>        was not just a drunken loss of control... this had real emotion behind

>        it.

Bohan: ...interesting.

>        Her eyes opened to find his also open... though in surprise.  She slid

>        away from him gently.  Both of them were at a loss for words.

Corey: I don’t think a dictionary would help in this case.

>        "I just wanted to say thank you..." she whispered, then stood, shakily,

>        and walked to the door.

Homer: (Shinji, anxious) ...uhh...you’re welcome.

>        Misato had to fight the urge to stay, but knew it would be wrong. 

>        Somehow, even with the alcohol and the feelings she knew already were

>        there, it wasn't enough to excuse her staying longer.  "G... goodnight,

>        Shinji-kun..." she whispered, then closed the door behind her.

>        ***

>        There was a long... LONG... pause.  Shinji just sat there, listening to

>        Ray Charles fade, then come back in the form of another song.  He

>        didn't dare to move.  Not for a long time.  His heart racing and his

>        mind a blur.

Homer: Like paint tossed on a canvas.

Bohan: Or throwing up on the ground.

Corey: Speaking of throwing up, I’m not sure I feel too good.

>        Cupid finally spoke when he guessed Shinji had enough time to process

>        the information.  "I can help you, Shinji.  Do you believe me now?"

>        "M...Misato?" he said weakly.

Jarred: (Cupid) No, you idiot, she left.

>        "She really does love you, Shinji.  Not in a passion-drenched, soul-

>        mate kind of way, but also a little more than just your guardian.  I

>        just helped her see how much she wanted to kiss you." Cupid stated

>        softly.  "That's what I do.  I show people what they normally try to

>        ignore out of their quest to ignore love and friendship."

>        "You made her do that?" Shinji demanded.  "Did you?"

>        "No, Shinji." Cupid sighed.  "I don't force people to love.  I just

>        show them the truth."

>        A thought hit Shinji.  "Really?  You can do that?"

>        Cupid laughed softly.  "I just did, didn't I?"

Bohan: True, true.

>        "Can... can you make me..." Shinji paused, looking for the right words.

>        "Can you teach me how??  How to make it so I can do this on my own?"

>        "Yes." Cupid said.  "I will teach you what you need to find love.  Real

>        love, too.  Not just the stuff they feed people in bad romance novels.

Corey: Yeah, that really sucks. It’s so fake.

>        Love that's destined and that's real.  Love that is felt on every level

>        of physical and emotional.  I will teach you how to get past all the

>        hate and the loneliness in your life."

Bohan: I don’t know, you’ve certainly got your work cut out for ya.

>        "Why?" Shinji asked suddenly.  "Why are you helping me?"

>        A long, thoughtful pause. 

>        "Because.  If anyone needs it... it's you."

Jarred: Dude, that’s nasty...true, but nasty.

>        A large sweat drop appeared on Shinji Ikari's head.

>        "Goodnight, Shinji." Cupid said, sounding distant.  "Sleep well, and

>        keep that kiss close to your heart.  I know she means a lot to you

>        too."

Corey: (Cupid) Well, more than the comma I just forgot, anyway.

>        Finally, Shinji was left alone. 

>        His hand came up to his lips... and he could still feel the kiss.  For

>        that night, the entire night, the nightmares could not touch him.

Corey: (Shinji) HAHAHAH! Nightmares can’t touch me...OUCH! It seems bad dreams still can, though.

>        *****

>        Asuka woke up early for once.  Something she couldn't quite place had

>        been eating away at her ability to sleep all night.

Corey: Forgot to go, did we?

  She ignored it,

>        classifying it as bad ramen noodles from the night before.

Homer: They’re always bad, what makes last night’s any different.

>        Her gloomy early-morning face greeted Misato as she came out of her

>        room with her equally unpleasant hangover face.  "Morning." She

>        coughed.

>        "Again?" Asuka sighed, as if she had to ask, throwing her a beer.

>        "Not now..." Misato sighed, popping the top and throwing back her head

>        as the can reached her lips.  Asuka watched in amazement as Misato

>        literally poured the beer down her throat.  She never even swallowed by

>        the look of her neck not moving.  She just let it slide down to her

>        stomach.  "Ohhhhhhhhhh that's better..."

>        "Rough night?" Asuka blinked.  Even after her customary morning beer,

>        Misato looked horrible.  Something gravely important was on her mind,

>        or, more likely, a slight case of alcohol poisoning. 

>        "Mmm." Misato smiled suddenly.  "No... just..." her face drooped again.

>        "Yeah... a little rough." She moved to the cupboard and got a bag of

>        cheese-flavored popcorn to snack on.

Corey: I could go for some of that. [goes to leave]

Voice: Hey, stop! I can’t just let you leave anytime you want!

Corey: I’m going and you can’t stop me.

[Corey ...goes]

Voice: ...I’ve got to get an electronic door for that entrance.

>        Asuka didn't like this.  Misato was acting very strange.  "Uh, I'll go

>        wake up Shinji to make us breakfast." She stood.

>        Shinji appeared around the corner, however, with a smile on his face

>        and damp hair from the tub.  "Good morning!" he beamed. 

>        Misato almost coughed up her popcorn.  "Mmm, uh... good morning,

>        Shinji.  Sleep well?"

Homer: (Shinji) Unusually, yes.

>        Asuka's brow was crunched together.  Something was wrong.  Shinji was

>        acting way too... too... happy?

Jarred: You’re not making anyone miserable? (sarcastic) What a shame.

  And Misato?  She was nervous?  While

>        Shinji moved into the kitchen to start making his and Asuka's lunches

>        for school, she moved over to the older woman and leaned over.  "Can I

>        ask you something about Shinji?"

[Corey comes back with popcorn, which he is eating...yay]

>        "Uh..." Misato blushed suddenly.  "Okay??"

>        "Did you catch him beating off in the shower?!"

[Corey chokes and coughs up his popcorn]

>        This time, Misato actually DID cough up her popcorn.  "W...WHAT?!?!!"

>        "I bet you did." Asuka grumbled.  "Eww!  I can't believe I live in the

>        same CITY as that dirty little hentai!"

Corey: [sitting down on his ‘seat’] So he’s a Japanese porn comic, now, huh?

>        "No!" Misato said, finally wiping the crumbs off her shirt.  "I did

>        NOTHING of the sort!  I... I just had a strange dream." She lied.

Homer: Why lie, it’s not like you did.

Bohan: She didn’t have a strange dream, either...well, even if she did, it’s probably not what’s making her act ... the way she’s acting, now.

Homer: Well, that made...huh?

Bohan: Never mind...Baka.

Homer: ...Ok.

>        Asuka blinked, then frowned.  Then, finally, she walked back over to

>        the table and sat down.  "I bet he spanked the monkey, though.  Even if

>        nobody caught him.  He's too happy."

Corey: You’re disgusting.

>        Misato decided to reverse the situation.  "Is that what you think?" she

>        grinned to herself.

>        "Yes." Asuka nodded firmly.  "Baka Shinji..."

>        "I bet you liked thinking about that." Misato said, whispering into

>        Asuka's ear over her shoulder.  "Mmm..." she cooed.  "Steamy, naked,

>        hard Shinji Ikari..."

Jarred: Uhh, too much detail!

>        Asuka's eyes went wide as the mental image forced itself into her mind. 

>        "WHAT!  NO!  I DID NOT!"

Homer: Oh, you did so.

>        Misato replied simply by smiling at Asuka with her best sultry smile.

>        A steamy, naked, wet Shinji waved back at Asuka mind's eye, blowing her

>        a kiss before returning to the task at hand.  [bad pun]

Corey: How s...OH!!!! THAT’S DISGUSTING!

>        "OH MY GOD!!!" Asuka screamed, running off to her room, not daring to

>        look at Shinji's face as he brought out breakfast from the kitchen. 

>        "YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF HENTAI!!"

Homer: Hentai! WHERE?!

>        Cupid snickered to himself.  "That was fun."

Corey: For some reason, I feel like laughing.

>        Shinji ignored the voice and sat down across from Misato.  "What was

>        that all about?"

>        Alone with Shinji, Misato finally remembered why she had such a rough

>        time going to sleep.  "Shinji..." she said quietly.  "...I'm sorry if

>        I... did anything stupid last night."

Jarred: Don’t worry, it wasn’t that stupid.

>        Shinji shook his head quickly.  "Misato..."

>        She sighed and buried her head in her hands.  "I shouldn't have been

>        that drunk when I came to see you.  I didn't want to make you

>        uncomfortable... I just wanted to say thank you... and..."

>        "Shinji... now..." Cupid's voice directed quietly.

Bohan: Now...what?

>        While Shinji would have normally been blushing and afraid to move, the

>        guidance of his new friend was enough to change that.

Corey: That ‘friend’ must be really influential.

  He got up, knelt

>        down beside Misato, and brushed his hand through her hair.

>        Misato was silent.  She looked up from her hands to see Shinji smiling

>        warmly at her.  "It's okay." He said.  With that, he leaned over and

>        kissed her gently on the cheek.  "I wanted to say thank you too."

>        Her eyes threatened to give way into tears.  She just smiled and

>        nodded, trying to refocus herself.  "Shinji... you may not think so,

>        but you're turning into quite the sweetie." She said warmly.  "I'll

>        have to watch myself around you now."

Homer: mmmm-I don’t think so.

>        Shinji couldn't help but feel a whole lot better.  Cupid or not, this

>        was nice.  A lot nicer than normal.  He always wanted to say thank you

>        to Misato, but they were always so different.  He could never connect

>        with her enough to have a heartfelt moment with her.  Misato had always

>        been a physical presence...

Corey: I wonder what that means.

 Shinji always a mental one.  It took a

>        little urging to get Shinji to see that. 

>        "You're welcome." Cupid said suddenly, reading Shinji's thanks. 

>        "Don't worry, Misato." He moved back to his own seat again.  "After

>        all, I don't want to get Pen-Pen jealous."

[All blink]

[All start laughing hysterically]

>        Misato was about to say 'what the HELL?' but then she saw the look in

>        his eyes and laughed.  Shinji joined her a second later.

[They all stop laughing]

Corey: Ahhh, that was funny.

>        ***

>        Asuka, however, was fuming mad.

Bohan: What else is new?

  They were LAUGHING?  She could hear

>        them outside.  "Grr...I bet they're laughing at me!" she pouted.

Corey: I would be.

  "Damn

>        Shinji and his damp, hard

All: WHAT?!

...NO!" she gasped.  "NO!  Get out of my

>        head!" she sighed, pounding the ball of her palm into her temple. 

>        She felt something warm pass through her body.  This was not Cupid's

>        doing, though.  Asuka finally gave up trying to fight it and sighed,

>        shaking her head.

Bohan: ...Oohkaayy.

  "Fine...one little fantasy before school..." she

>        whispered to herself, laying down on her bed and closing her eyes.  In

>        her mind, a naked, grinning Shinji Ikari waved to her.  His sexual

>        organs covered only by the tasteful, skillfully placed rainbow caused

>        by the shower's mist. 

>        Suddenly, the rainbow disappeared.  THAT was Cupid's doing.

Jarred: Alright, Cupid!

  Asuka felt

>        her face get redder.  "Oh my..."  She felt a lot more than her face get

>        redder.

[Corey sits straight up, shocked...then falls out of his seat, onto the floor]

Jarred: [looking at Corey lying on the floor] ...um...Oohkaayy.

  "Oh my..."

>        ***

>        As Misato drove them to school, Asuka had a strange, dreamy look on her

>        face as she stared out the window.

Bohan: She got horny over Shinji...surprising!

Corey: [stunned] uh huh.

>        ***

>        At school, Shinji found himself bored as usual.  However, today was a

>        lot more bearable.  He had Cupid to talk to.  Even though he couldn't

>        talk out loud in class, he was learning to focus his thoughts so his

>        cranium companion could understand them like words.

Homer: That could be useful.

>        "So," Shinji 'said.'  "What you're saying is that you're able to jump

>        from mind to mind?"

>        "No.  Only take little peeks." Cupid replied.  "You see, I have to stay

>        in one place.  Right now, because of your Eva's appetite..."

>        "Sorry."

>        "No worries, my friend!  With a good night's rest it has been all but

>        forgotten!" Cupid replied cheerfully.  "I am still able to use some of

>        my powers, though.  Even though I can't move around until your brain

>        leaves a Number Two in the psychological toilet."

>        "So what powers don't you have right now?" Shinji found himself

>        curious.  Even if this was a different class of Angel, any information

>        might be nice to have for upcoming battles.

>        "Well, most Angels can light things on fire." Cupid said.  "Even I can. 

>        Though some are more fancy than others.  I can cause people to

>        spontaneously combust, while others can cause the sky to rain down

>        burning sulfur." He said.  "It's personal preference, but I don't like

>        the smell of sulfur, so I stick to combustion."

Bohan: Well, Sulphur does stink.

>        "Must be fun on camping trips!" Shinji chuckled.  A few people turned

>        to him, wondering why he just chuckled out loud, but returned their

>        eyes to the front of the board when the young Ikari shot them his Look

>        Of Doom.

Corey: (Zim) Yes, the ultimate look of doom! HAHAHAHAHA!

  The fact he hardly ever used that look prompted a quick

>        response.

>        "Oh, time for business, my young human friend." Cupid said suddenly. 

>        "Look to your right.  By the window."

>        Shinji, curious, turned slightly and found nothing out of the ordinary.

>        "Her."

>        "Rei?" Shinji blinked.  He blushed slightly.  "What about her?  You're

>        not going to make her kiss me too, are you?"

Homer: Why not?

>        Cupid gasped.  "What ever gave you THAT idea?" he laughed.  "No, not

>        Rei, I'm afraid.  A kiss from her would take considerable

>        manipulations, and would probably scare a lot of people."

Jarred: It would, wouldn’t it.

>        "Okay, good." Shinji thought.  "But, then why did you call attention to

>        her?"

>        "You'll see."  Cupid said cryptically, letting another tingling wave

>        pass through Shinji's body.

Homer: Ooh. Spooky.

>        ***

>        Rei's mind was usually not much different from her outer visage while

>        she was at school.  Calm, quiet, enigmatic, and most of all, focused on

>        anything she damn well wanted to be focused on.

Jarred: Which is nothing in particular.

  Everything she would

>        ever need to know for the rest of her entire existence had already been

>        introduced into her mind during her initial years at NERV.  Quite

>        literally, she could skip every lesson, and still know more about the

>        Second Impact and humanity's state of well-being than the sensei did.

Bohan: ...cool.

>        So, that is exactly what she did.  Her thoughts were focused usually on

>        the picturesque school grounds outside.  These thoughts focused on: 

>        "Mmm, nice tree.  Beautiful sky today.  Woodpecker.  A small dog.

Homer: Woof.

>        Slight breeze."  Of course, when she felt her body get warmer for a

>        moment, she didn't notice much.  Probably just the school's heating

>        system malfunctioning.  It was common due to all the Angel attacks

>        recently.  However, nothing could quite explain it when she suddenly,

>        inexplicably, had the next thought in her mind:

>        "Talk to Shinji."

>        Talk to Shinji?  Why did that thought come into her head?  She turned

>        from the window and looked over to Shinji, who was trying not to look

>        like he was looking at her. 

>        "Talk to Shinji."  The thought repeated. 

>        Rei panicked.  "What do I talk to him about?!?"

Corey: Good question.

 she asked her brain. 

>        She began to sweat.

Bohan: (surprised) ...hmmm...interesting.

>        Her brain gasped, then struggled to find a subject matter.  "Uh...talk

>        to Shinji about... Paper Airplanes!"

Jarred: ...uh huh.

>        ***

>        "Shinji!  Hurry!" Cupid gasped.  "Start making a paper airplane!"

>        Shinji nearly jumped out of his seat, but managed to stay calm and take

>        out a piece of paper.  "I don't know how!" he gasped, not sure where to

>        fold.

Homer: What?! Who doesn’t know how to make a paper airplane?

Bohan: Shinji, obviously.

>        Cupid muttered something under his breath.  "Shinji!  At least PRETEND

>        to!  Fold down the middle first!  Then on the top corners!"

>        ***

> &n