MST of Evaless 01 by ...Kaoru Nagisa...*cough* >

.................................WHAT THE CRAP?!

...I mean hi, howdy, hey...(shit, I haven’t done this in such a long time...)

Anyway, welcome to the old MAXIMUS THEATRE, where...we’ll...you know...the MSTing, the riffing...the laughter...maybe...that sort of thing...well, here’s some more. Um... let’s see *pulls out sheets of paper* ...hmm, this is an...interesting fic *cough*. I won’t tell you what it is, I’ll let you see for yourselves...well, I guess you would’ve found out by now, anyway...

...ENJOY!

********************************************************************************************

[The scene: A well furbished apartment. Two lounges are set up in a V shape, with at least a doorways space between the ends, to face a large cabinet with a Wide-screen Digital TV opposite the front door. In a corner to the right of the TV, is a P.C., well equipped, I might add. It has state-of-the-art components like a 2Ghz Pentium 4 Processor, 40Gb Hard drive, Windows XP, Broadband internet access and stuff like that ... I think. Off to the left of the door is a kitchen. Around the place stand multiple doors leading to places men fear to tread, or couldn't be bothered going in. Either way, what lay beyond them is hidden in secrecy.]

[Dimitri enters through the front doorway, followed by Jessica (the non-Supertron one)]

Dimitri: Why do we still have to do this? Couldn’t I have gotten a job someplace else.

Jessica: You can’t, you’re a wanted fugitive.

Dimitri: Who’s fault’s that?

Jessica: How was I supposed to know they were real fireworks?

Dimitri: ...I meant the Prez’

Jessica: ...Oh, yeah...of...course...that’s what I meant to say...yeah!

Dimitri: ...yeah...what’s that?

[Dimitri points to the opposite wall, where a tall, green tree stands in the corner with lengths of...shiny stuff (tinsel, I think they call it) wrapped around it, as well as a string of little lights. It also has little decorations scattered all over it, and a star at the very top.]

Jessica: ...looks like a tree...

Dim: (a bit annoyed) ...I see that...

Jessica: I wonder what kind of tree it is, and why it’s here? And what’s all that, all over it? And why?

?: It’s a christmas tree.

Jessica: ...who said that? Voice?

Dim: Doesn’t sound like it...this voice is too young...

?: I did. Behind you.

[The two turn around to see a young boy, standing 5’4”, with brown eyes and black hair, and wearing black everything (shirt, pants, shoes, jacket, everything ... except, maybe, his underwear)]

Dim: Who’re you?

Jessica: And where do you two get your clothes from?

Dim: ...two?

Jessica: Well, you both seem to dress in the same attire.

Dim: ...coincidental.

?: Yeah...I’ll go with that.

Dim: Could you answer my question?

?: Wha?

Jessica: Who, the f@#!, are you?

?: ...well, if you’re going to be like that, the name’s Crackhouse Cal!

Dim and Jess: ...

?: ...but you can call me Cozza...

Dim: Crackhouse Cal?

Jessica: Are you serious?!

Cozza: Not about that, I wasn’t. You can call me Cozza, though.

Jessica: That’s even worse!

Dim: ...what?

Jessica: Well, it is!

Dim: How is it?

Jessica: Well, Crackhouse Cal is a relatively straightforward name. What kind of person names a guy Cozza?

Cozza: The same guy that made you.

Jessica: ...you’re my long lost brother...?

Cozza: ...no, not that way...You know, Dim, the guy with the weird backpack?

Dim: ...oh, him, right...I knew there was something familiar...wait a sec...Cozza? Now I remember you - you’re that guy with Corey, last time I was here!

Cozza: Yeah, it was the last time I was here, too.

Jessica: Hmm...not me. Come to think of it, I haven’t been here in a long time.

Dim: You should consider yourself lucky.

Jessica: True, true.

Voice: [clears throat] Could you four please sit down so we could get this thing going?!

Jessica: Ok...wait, four? There’s only three of us.

Cozza: Actually, the other guy’s leaning beside the front door...

[Dim and Jess look over to the front door to find a 6’3” boy with brown hair, radioactive-green eyes, wearing a white muscle shirt and black pants, leaning against the wall to the left of the door way with his arms folded.]

Cozza: ...I saw him there when I walked in.

Jessica: How come we didn’t notice him there.

Dim: Because he was quiet, unlike some people.

Jessica: Yeah--wait, what’s that supposed to mean?!

Cozza: So, who are you, anyway?

?: .....

Cozza: My worst nightmare? You mean you’re a swarm of giant, flaming beedrills?!

?: .....

Cozza: ...oh, you said you’re name was Adam Seifner...sorry...

Adam: .....

Jessica: Wow, he actually talks less than Dim does.

Dim: ...shutup.

Adam: .....

Cozza: Jarred? Wasn’t that that other guy that was with us last time we were here – long, spiky, black haired, muscly guy in a ripped sleeved shirt?

Dim: That was David.

Cozza: ...oh, yeah.

Jessica: Hey, I remember them – they were with us the first time we did one of these.

Dim: ...ah, yes, them...

Adam: .....

Jessica: You know both of them?! What next, Jarred’s your brother?

Adam: .....

Jessica: ......I’m gonna sit down.

Dim: We might as well. The sooner we begin...

Cozza: Yeah. I’ll go see if there’s any drinks left in the fridge.

Dim and Jess: Ok.

[Cozza goes into the kitchen, while Dimitri, Jessica, and Adam sit on the couches – Dimitri and Jessica on the left (Jessica closer to the TV) and Adam on the right, towards the front door. Cozza returns with four cans of Coke®]

Cozza: Who wants one?

Dim: I’ll have one.

Jessica: Me, please!

Adam: .....

[Cozza gives each a Coke® and takes a seat in the vacant spot on the right, closest to the TV]

Cozza: [opening his can] Now to wait for him to find us a fic.

Voice: Hey, I was prepared! It’s good to go!

[Everyone sits with surprised expressions on their faces...even Adam...well, Stiriox was always unprepared, so this is a major shock, even for him]

[The front door shuts and secure locking can be heard]

[The TV turns on and the fic begins (god forbid)]

> Ohayo out there in Fan Fic land. I’m kinda new to this.

> I have written fics before but I never posted them. This is gonna be

> about two seasons. This might prove to be a tad long. Bare with it,

> as the story progresses it might prove to be half as good as its

> prodocessor. Alright you have heard enough about my plans. On with the

> fic... Tabris Enterprises presents to you...

[A dark aura suddenly surrounds Adam...]

Cozza: ...that don’t look good...

> ***********************************************************************

> Theme Song: "SuperModel" by Jill Sobule (Clueless Sdtk.)

· E V A L E S S

§ Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev!

[Suddenly, a large (and I mean LARGE) sword bounces off the TV]

Voice: Uh uh, the TV’s indestructible.

Adam: .....

[Adam gets up and walks towards the door]

Voice: I don’t think you’ll be getting out the--

[Adam creates a dark shadow against the security door and goes into it, disappearing with it]

Voice: ...what the--?

[Suddenly, a large shockwave is heard (and felt) eminating from somewhere outside the window. At the same time, there is a sudden flash, after which, a black fog can be seen. Afterwards, there is an eartquake, or something to that effect...except much stronger. All this happens in a matter of seconds.]

[a dark shadow appears on the security door, and Adam enters through it, closing it behind him. He then returns to his seat.]

Everyone else: ...

Jessica: Wow...if this made him do that...this is going to be hell...

Dim: (sarcastic)...what else is new...

§ "The Antithesis of a New Generation"

> Shinji awoke from a fairly enigmatic dream. The first

> thing his groggy eyes saw hovering over him was Asuka saying

> "It’s about time you got up you idiot".

Cozza: The first thing he noticed was her lack of pause.

Jessica: Speech problems already? This is really bad.

Dim: Again, what else is new?

> "Oh, it’s you Asuka" Shinji said groggily still.

Cozza: The booze has paralyzed me!

> "What the HELL does that mean, can’t you

> appreciate that I went through the trouble of coming to wake you up

> personally.

> "I don’t hear any words of appreciation for your oldest

> childhood friend".

Jessica: (Shinji) He’s here? Where?!

> "Ugh....thanks....let me sleep a little more".

> "Hey get up you. It’s time to get up you dork" Asuka bellows as she

> tears the sheets off of her friend. Asuka's face grows crimson as she

> slaps Shinji due to the view she just got of his "lower abdominal

> friend".

Jessica: Ew, he made friends with his belly button?

Dim: No...lower...

Jessica: ... [gasp] HE MADE FRIENDS WITH THAT!?!

Dim: It was just an expression, you know...

> "You stupid pervert I didn’t mean t get that up!!" yells

> Asuka.

Cozza: Hey, leave ‘im alone – he’s a 13 year old boy, he can’t help it.

Jessica: How would you know, you’re only eleven!

Cozza: I was, the first time I came here. It’s been two years since then. I turned 13 last month. It’s very embarrassing.

Adam: .....

Dim: Yeah, join the club.

> "I..I can’t help it, it’s morning. I need to take a whiz or

> something". Downstairs Yui was trying to have a polite conversation

> with her husband but instead Gendo kept making sexual innuendoes towards

> her.

Jessica: Isn’t she dead, or something?

Adam: .....

Jessica: ...oh...I heard about that episode. So this is based on Shinji’s alternate reality, huh?

Dim: It does explain a bit.

> "I’m always ready for IT, dear" said Gendo. Yui then commented how

> much like Shinji her husband was. Finally Asuka and Shinji got out of

> the house.

Cozza: That’s the third time this week they’ve got stuck in the drywall.

"Hey isn’t a new student supposed to come today?" Shinji

> asked.

> "Yeah!" Asuka yelled,

> "With this becoming the new capital it’s no

> wonder so many people are moving here."

Cozza: In a way, it already was the capital.

Dim: How do you mean?

Cozza: Well, if this is Shinji’s non-2^nd-Impact reality, there’s probably no Tokyo 2 or 3. I’m guessing they’re still in Tokyo, and Tokyo is already the capital of Japan.

Dim: ...fair enough...

> "Gee, I hope she has a nice ass"

> said a panting Shinji as they ran down the street.

Jessica: Even in this reality, Shinji saying something like that still doesn’t sound right.

Adam: .....

Cozza: Yeah, that’s so out of character, even for this reality.

Asuka only glared at

> him. Coming on the other side of the block was a panting girl with

> short blue hair and a piece of toast in her mouth.

> "Oh crap, I’m late."

Adam: .....

Jessica: ...REI!?! Sounds more like Serena from Sailor Moon!

Cozza: Well, apart from Gendo, Rei’s the only person that really strays from the norm, in this universe.

Adam: .....

Cozza: ...oh, yeah, I remember that part...that’ll be good.

> "Ugh I can’t be late for the first day." said the muffled girl as she

> panted running down the street until... WHAM!!! She and Shinji ran

> directly into each other, knocking them both to the floor. The girl

> cluelessly rubbed her head with her legs gapped open giving the fallen

> Shinji a pretty good view of her female undergarments.

Jessica: WHAT A PERVERT!!

[...]

Jessica: Um, you guys were supposed to say that with me.

Everyone else: ...why?

When the young

> lady noticed this she promptly covered herself and got up and said

> "I’m sorry I’m really in a hurry kid. I’m really sorry. Bie.

> Bieeeeeeee!" said the girl as she ran away. "Who’s she calling a kid

> she looks about my age." thought Shinji to himself. Asuka again groaned.

> "WOW, so did you see her panties then?" asked Touji. The two had

> finally made it to school and Shinji was just overly excited to tell

> his friends about his morning rush.

> "It wasn’t a good look really just

> a lil’ flash." said Shinji slyly.

> "Aww, I can’t believe that you’re the

> one that has all the luck."

> "Odd isn’t it?" said Ngumo.

Cozza: Ngumo? I don’t remember him!

Adam: .....

Cozza: He did? Why? Why’d he have to ruin it!

He was a tall

> dark haired boy who had transferred to the class three weeks ago along

> with his 'friend' Aoki. The only thing that anybody ever really noticed

> about the two boys was the way they wore their uniforms. They both tied

> there shirts around their abdomen so that there was a knot and there inner

> shirts showed. Actually Ngumo usually wore his shirt open, much like

> Kensuke,but Aoki who tied his religiously always would come by and tie

> Ngumo’s for him.

Adam: .....

Cozza: ...They’re WHAT?!

Jessica: Actually, that’s pretty obvious.

Professor Misato Katsuragi came speeding in her car.

> Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke ran over to the window giving their teacher the

> v-sign. Asuka and Hikari began to grumble and muttered something about

> those damn three stooges and their lack of shame.

Cozza: What? She gave one back, as I recall.

> After Hikari gave her

> class orders (rather roughly too) the teacher bellowed

> "Listen up dudes we got a new blue-hair babe today here to introduce

> herself."

Jessica: (Misato) A lighter blue than mine, of course, but it’ll do.

The girl then spoke

> "My name’s Rei Ayanami, how’s it hanging?" Shinji stunned stood up and

> pointed. Rei then saw him and said

Cozza: Ooh, this is the good part!

> "You’re the jerk who was staring at

> muh panties." Asuka then stood defending Shinji by saying "Hey, What do

> you mean by that. You’re the one who was flashing em ya know." Rei then

> shot back

Jessica: The dialogue seems to be all over the place, here.

> "Who are you and why are you defending him? Are you riding

> his BOLOGNA-PONY?" she said giggling.

Jessica: WHAT?!
Cozza: AH HAH! [starts laughing]

Jessica: It’s not that funny!

Adam: .....

Dim: Yeah, we should laugh any chance we get. There’s pretty much never any reason to, here.

> Asuka then pulled back and said

> "We’re just really good child-hood friends. You SHUT-UP!" Kensuke then

> blurted out "Hey Shinji I didn’t know you were getting it with Asuka."

Jessica: (Shinji) WHO TOLD YOU! [to Asuka] that trip to KFC was supposed to be a secret!

> "Umm may I please introduce myself?" said a pigtailed red-head girl.

Cozza: No – Rei’s not done, yet!

> "My name is Megumi, Megumi Ikeda. How’s it going guys?" Suddenly a boy

> with blondish brown hair and a ponytail stood up and said My name is

> Aoki Furisawa and I would like to personally welcome you to class 2-A.

> I’m sure you will really begin to like us once you had some time to

> adjust.

Jessica: (Hikari) Hey, that’s MY job! Besides, you have to talk to say those things!

> "Excuse me, but aren’t you a new kid." yelled Asuka.

> "Shut up!"

> Asuka said to a girl with long purple hair and two yellow cat-like

> obstructions in her hair.

> "Oh please, Akemi just because you and over

> half the girls in this class and the whole rest of the school like the

> homo-boy does not mean I have to be polite to him.

Cozza: I thought Asuka was talking.

Dim: I’m getting the feeling that Akemi was the one that said “Shutup”, not Asuka.

Cozza: .........this speech is rotten...

> "Asuka I wish you

> would not say things that you have no physical evidence on." said Aoki.

Dim: I think he cut out a few lines there.

Jessica: This confusing speech pattern is making me nauseous.

> "He doesn’t want any of the girls in here anyways. He’s to busy scoping

> out his LOVER Ngumo."

Jessica: (Ngumo) We’re not lovers! We’re just good friends!

Dim: You keep telling yourself that.

Jessica: I will...it’s the only way I’ll sleep, tonight...

> "Asuka, Class That Is ENOUGH!" bellowed Misato.

Dim: As usual, it seems, because it’s the only thing she’s done since she got there.

Jessica: You’d think that Asuka would do the bellowing, not Misato.

> Aoki then took the bubbly out of his hair and ran out of the class room.

Cozza: Bubbly?!

Dim: Must have meant bubblegum.

Jessica: I dunno – you wouldn’t be able to just get bubblegum out of your hair, like that. Trust me, I know.

> "Someone go get him," said Misato. "I will, Ms. Misato," said the tall

> dark haired boy.

Cozza: It’d be nice if they seperated the speech of each speaker.

> "Of course he would want to go comfort his lover.

Jessica: Who said that?

> "ASUKA!" said the teacher.

Jessica: ...should’ve guessed...

> "Is it always this active in this class?"

> asked Megumi.

Cozza: (Classmate) We’ve got Asuka in our class. This is one of our good days.

> "No this is pretty quiet." said Shinji. In the boy's

> bathroom we see a different scene.

Cozza: You could’ve, at least, put the scene change in another paragraph!

A boy is crumpled in the arms of

> another boy.

Cozza: (Lisa Simpson) Why, oh why, is my little boy dead! Couldn’t that Crysler have hit me instead!

> "I hate being different Ngumo." The boy is hushed by the

> gentle caresses of his friend.

> "Ngumo I..I uh really think you’re

> great" The door opened but neither boy noticed.

Jessica: [makes a squeeking door noise]

> "That’s nice but we should be getting back to class."

> "Say I got sick and that's why I left the classroom so abruptly."

> "Lie to Miss Misato? Alright, I’ll do it for you." His thanks was only

> the soft kiss his friend gave him on his cheek. "Ngumo, where is Aoki?"

> said the worried professor.

Cozza: (Ngumo) Ahh! How’d you find us?!

> "His stomach started to to hurt so he went

> home." Ngumo said defensively.

Cozza: Oh, they changed the scene again...they’ve got to work on that.

> "Oh, so you to went to the bathroom so

> he could get something sticky in his mouth, huh?" said a very obnoxious

> Asuka.

Jessica: Sticky?!

Dim: Must’ve been the bubblegum...

> "ASUKA THAT IS THE LAST STRAW, you will be getting a very

> unfriendly letter to your parents and you have clean-up duty for a

> MONTH! Is that understood Asuka!"

Cozza: That’s nothing! Kick her ass, Misato!

> "Hai, Gomen nasai Sensai" Don’t apologize to me

> you should be apologizing to the class for your disrespect and

> disruptfulness, you should especially apologize to Aoki." He’s new here

> and is only trying to make some friends." said a now very respectable

> Misato.

Cozza: So...how many people where talking, just now? I just couldn’t tell.

> "I’ll go to his house today." said Asuka.

> "See that you do and deliver these bulletins while you are over there."

Cozza: (Asuka) They’re full of bullets!

Jessica: (Misato) That’s why they’re bullet-tins.

Dim: (bemused) Ba-doom-tish...

> "Hai sensai!"said Asuka. Alright, class, now that we are done with today’s

> parodies turn your computer terminal’s on said the teacher.

Cozza: Said Misato! WHERE’S THE QUOTATION MARK GUY!

Jessica: He went on vacation before he’d finished the job.

> < You’re kinda cute. Do you have a girlfriend, or in your case,

> boyfriend ? >

Cozza: (Asuka) Ok, who’s the little asshole who sent me this?!

> A message appeared on the screen of Ngumo. He looked around to see if

> the sender would identify him or herself like he saw so many of his

> classmates do. Gee, I hope it’s a girl or Aoki might get jealous, he

> thought to himself. JEALOUS!, what am I thinking about I’m not like

> Aoki.

Cozza: Doesn’t mean that Aoki wouldn’t get jealous if you’re with other men.

> < Look I said you were cute are you gonna respond or are you a jerk

> like the rest of the boys in this class. >

Cozza: So it was Asuka, then?

> Ngumo was now dumbfound he was not only new but he didn’t consider

> himself very 'cute' like the message said. He looked over at the new

> girl Megumi. She seemed to be awfully attentive to Misato’s lecture,

> too attentive to be the one sending the messages. Then he saw the

> 'blue-haired babe' near the window and thought how great she would look

> in spandex, no a bathing suit, no a bikini, no a string bikini, forget

> the bikini part a string, no her birthday suit.

Cozza: (Ngumo) No a plug suit!

Dim: (Shinji) Seen it.

Adam: .....

Dim: ...shutup.

Blood started to drip

> from his nose onto his computer. A new message appeared on his screen.

> < The bell is about to ring for lunch. I would love to talk to you. I’m

> sorry about earlier I was only playing my name is Rei Ayanami and you

> seem to be the kinda boy I would love to call mine. >

Cozza: (Rei) Ngumo is such a crappy name. “Mine” is much better.

> Ngumo was ecstatic and didn’t know what to do. He thought to tell his

> best friend. Then he figured if he told his best friend he might be

> minus a best friend. Shinji was looking at his best friend

Cozza: or friends.

and then at

> Ngumo. He thought how mean she was to his boyfriend.

Cozza: Oh...must have meant Asuka...you need a new best friend.

Aaaghh he meant

> Ngumo’s friend who is also a boy. Suddenly a message appeared on his

> screen.

> < Hey Shinji, I’m bored and Hikari said she’ll cover for me. Let’s go

> to the movies when the lunch bell rings. And DON’T go telling Aida and

> that perv Suzuharra. So are you coming or what? >

> < What. >

> < Shinji please I need someone to come with me. >

> < So why don’t you ask Hikari or one of your many admirers to go with

> you. >

> < Shinji I want a real friend to go with me. >

Dim: I know Shinji’s the second one, but who’s the first?

Adam: .....

Dim: ...are you sure?

Adam: .....

Dim: ...hmm, I guess it makes sense.

Jessica: Wait, what’d he say? Who is it? [Dim whispers something into her ear] ...oh...ok.

> "Class there has been a change in the schedule. We will be having gym today before lunch. So go to the locker rooms and get changed. Girls you

> go first." said Misato. Later in the boy's changing room:

Cozza: As soon as Misato had finished speaking, by the look of it.

> "So Ngumo whatis it with you and Furisawa." said a boy.

Jessica: Or ‘what is’...

> "Yeah, like theirs like this rumor like going on that like you were like

> kissing in the bathroom." said another boy.

Jessica: Or ‘there’s, like ‘there is’...wait, THERE IS?!

> "WHO started this RUMOR!" Ngumo fumed.

Dim: Why would you emphasise those words?

> "I did." said a boy with glasses and short black hair.

Cozza: And that is...?

> "I even walked in and saw you

> caressing his face." He knew he had caressed Aoki’s face and did not know

> how to defend himself from the truth. He quietly walked over to his locker

> and continued changing his clothes.

> "It’s true?" said Suzuharra.

> "I...uh...no...I... you see I...um"

> "You did!" Touji retorted.

Cozza: Wait, if he’s the guy...Toji doesn’t wear glasses, Kensuke does!

> "Me and Furisawa are just friends, sometime he acts like he likes me that

> way you should like a girl but its only a way to make us closer friends.

> That’s all" Ngumo calmly explained. Over in the girl's changing room:

Cozza: Two lines too early...

> "So, like did you guys here the story that Ngumo and Aoki was kissing

> in the bathroom and someone caught them and that’s why Furisawa went

> home." said Akemi.

> "Ngumo is just friends with Aoki, right?" said

> Megumi lifelessly.

Cozza: Thus replacing Rei as the emotionless doll.

Dim: Yes, emotionless. If she was lifeless, she would be unable to talk, at all.

Cozza: Details, details...

> "I heard that Ngumo was Aoki’s lover." said Asuka.

> "Didn’t you just get

> in trouble for spreading false accusations Asuka? Wouldn’t it be in

> your best interest to stay out of gossip." said Rei slyly.

Jessica: I guess they’ve been introduced.

> "Listen up new girl, I understand that you’re new here but do you really

> think that always challenging me is going to make you popular?" Asuka

> retorted.

Cozza: (Rei) No...I just think it’s fun!

> "Can we just talk about something instead of gay dramas, like

> this is some shonen ai manga!" Hikari pleaded.

Jessica: You’re thinking Shoujo.

Dim: ...

Jessica: ...my parents are Japanese, ok?

> "Whatever! I suppose so." Asuka said.

> "Yeah, Whatev." Rei responded.

Jessica: (Asuka) No, I said WHATEVER!

> "Thank you" said Hikari.

> "Say did you hear the Evangelions are having a concert in Osaka?" Akemi

> said breaking the dead silence.

Cozza: Evas having a concert? How’s that possible?

Adam: .....

Everyone else: ...They’re a WHAT?!

> ***********************************************************************

Cozza: AAGH! I’m under attack!

> Author Note: Alright don’t get upset this isn’t really a pun. In this

> world, the Evangelions are a Japanese Pop group. They are pretty much

> Doco’s singers with mecha costumes on. I have provided a list for

> future reference as follows:

o Eva Unit (Costume color reference)

> (Ranma)- Megumi Hayshibara 01

> (Akane)- Noriko Hidaka 03

> (Shampoo)- Rei Sakuma 05

> (Kasumi)- Kikuko Inoue 00

> (Nabiki)- Minami Takayana 02

Dim: So...the Characters of Ranma ½ are dressing up like Evas?

Cozza: No, I think it’s just their voice Actresses.

Jessica: Or seiyuu.

Cozza: ...whatev...

[Suddenly, four pillows knock Cozza over the back of the lounge.]

Jessica: ...where’d that fourth pillow come from?

Cozza: ...I threw it at myself...

Dim and Jess: ...

Cozza: ...I was bored!

> ***********************************************************************

Cozza: They’re back for more...

> "I just bought their CD they are too hot." one girl screamed.

Cozza: What’s that?

> "Hey, Hikari maybe you can get that good for nothing boyfriend of yours to

> take you to see it." said another girl.

Cozza: Who slipped into a dimensional portal and was never seen again. Funnily enough, noone noticed.

> "Do you mean Touji?" Hikari

> said dreamily.

Jessica: (Hikari) That big hunk of man-meat.

Dim: ...don’t talk to me ever again!

Jessica: Aw...

> "Do you have some other boyfriend we don’t know about?"

> Asuka retorted sarcastically.

Cozza: (Hikari) Well, there is this guy in Poland...

> "No, I just don’t think Touji likes the Evangelions." Hikari politely said.

Cozza: (Toji) Evas rule! WOO!

> "Well, if he was my boyfriend he would not get a choice but to take me!"

> Asuka said sternly.

Jessica: It’s not looking good for Shinji...

> "Put your money where your mouth is Soryu! I bet you a lunch that you can’t

> get Shinji to take you." Hikari said.

Cozza: Well, at least this author put the right surname.

> "He’s not my boyfriend ya know, but I’ll do it anyway.

Jessica: (Asuka) Before I even finish talking!

> "This’ll be easy." Asuka shot back. On the gym grounds:

Cozza: One more scene change like this and I’ll go crazy!

> "Shinji!" a voice yelled. A female voice. It was almost screechy but

> demanding.

Dim: “”Shinji” Asuka yelled” would suffice.

> Though the voice was very feminine it was almost deep. It

> brought back many horrifying memories to his mind. The voice was revealed,

> his fate was fordained. Asuka wanted SOMETHING from him.

Cozza: (Shinji) I just know she wants something, I just KNOW it!

Dim: (Shinji) She called me Shinji without insulting me!

Adam: .....

Cozza: I agree – that was good.

The two thoughts

> brought tears to his eyes as he dragged himself to where Asuka was standing.

> "Shinji I need something from you." the girl said humbly.

> "What is it? Shinji groaned.

> "Quit acting like a baby and grow a spine!" Asuka shot back.

Cozza: (Shinji) Ok. Can I go, now?

> "But anyway I want to see the Evangelions live in Osaka, and I want you

> to take me to see it!"

> "You no I can’t afford that Asuka."

Jessica: I what, now?

> "The tickets are only 20 bucks each and if you buy it I’ll pay you back

> with interest."

Jessica: (Asuka) I’ll pretend to be fascinated by anything you say from now on.

Dim: (Shinji) ...no deal.

> "You will?" Shinji asked.

> "Well I’ll pay you back for my ticket." Asuka said.

> "Why do you need me to go why don’t you just go by

> yourself?"

> "Are you questioning me again? Do I have to pummel you?" Asuka screamed.

Cozza: (Shinji) Will I still have to go?

> "No, I'm sorry." Shinji apologized.

Dim: That’s the Shinji we know and love...well, know, anyway...

> "That’s better!" Asuka said while dragging him over to her friends, "You’re

> going to take her?" Hikari asked.

Cozza: She’d been following Asuka and nobody had noticed.

> "Yeah, why not?" Shinji said.

> "Oh yeah Soryu well I can get Touji to take me too ya know." Hikari pleaded.

Jessica: (Asuka) Could you do it...with commas?

Cozza: (Hikari) Aw, no fair!

> "Whatever!" Asuka said.

> "Oh Touji!" Hikari screamed. Touji saw her come running towards him so he

> prepared himself for the impact. WHAM!!! Just as he had anticipated.

Cozza: She tripped and fell to the ground.

> "You’ll take me to see the Evangelions live in Osaka with Shinji and Asuka,

> won’t you?" Hikari said while straddling Touji to the ground with her legs.

Cozza: I was close...sort of...I think...

> "But that’s for chicks!" Touji shot back.

> "Shinji is taking Asuka ya know and they don’t even go out. How would it

> look if my BOYFRIEND won’t take me?" Hikari pleaded.

> "Oh please I already owe Asuka a lunch, please take me so I can at least see

> the show with her.

> "Alright we can go. At least Ikari‘ll be there."

> "So it’s all set then. The four of us are

> going to see the Evangelion’s live in Osaka!"

> Ending Song: "To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden (Pun on Fly me

> to the Moon)

Cozza: It’s not funny.

> ***********************************************************************

Cozza: They told me there’d be barbed wire.

> Ending Comments: This took me about three months to write.

Cozza: You think that’s bad, I should have three badges by now!

I’ve already

> started on the next one. For those who don’t know the story starts off

> with Shinji’s alternate world in episode 26.

Cozza: We know, Adam told us.

Dim: How did you know, anyway?

Adam: .....

Dim: ...you have? That explains your reaction to it.

Hence the title "Evaless"

Jessica: Because “A day in the life of Shinji and friends in Shinji’s alternate reality, where there are no Evas, instead there are a few new characters, at least one of which is gay” would be rediculous.

> not only a play on Clueless but also the story meaning Life with no

> Eva’s.

Cozza: or Evas...or maybe even Eva.s...I dunno, Eva’s just seems funny.

E-mail me at www.KaoruNagisa @yahoo.com.

Jessica: As usual, no, we won’t be doing that.

I really do appreciate fan

> opinions and flames are just as much wanted. I want to know where people

> think I am taking the plot and suggestions or praise. (I LOVE praise!)

Adam: .....

Dim: Too true. None of these authors do, do they?

Adam: .....

Cozza: Oh, yeah...I heard about Strike...that fic was good, I’m told.

Dim: Ketheres Elyion’s fic wasn’t too bad, either.

Cozza: What one?

Dim: “Shinji’s Problem”. The one where he punches Asuka in the stomach.

Cozza: Oh, yeah, that was good, too.

Jessica: Ok, that’s two. Anyone else deserve any.

Cozza: Ace Sanchez? Pokemon master is pretty good. And I’m not just speaking as a pokemon trainer.

Jessica: Ok, three. Any more?

Cozza: Adam Friedman

Dimitri: Ooh, no. That fic was Ok, not good. Well, it was good...but wrong.

Jessica: Yeah! Ick!

Cozza: So that’s three...anyone else?

[Dim and Jess look at each other]

Dim and Jess: ...no.

Voice: Can...we...FINISH THIS?!

Cozza: It’s not over, yet?

Voice: A little more, ok? Now shutup!

Everyone but Adam: Whatever...

> Next Ep: "Oh, Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love! Let My Love be Forever" The

> trip their can really be interesting.

Cozza: But what about the one to the Eva concert?

More people join the concert

> bandwagon and a really disturbing deed is done in the male locker room.

Jessica: Ew!

> (It’s not what you think, pervert)

Jessica: I hope not! It’ll get very messy! They’ll have to get a plumber!

Dim: ...I’ll pretend you didn’t say that...

Get ready for more teenage angst’s

> in "Evaless: Sex, Tunes, Popularity, Whatev!" by Kaoru Nagisa.

Cozza: The 17^th Angel Lives!!

Jessica: (Shinji) He tricked me! He said if I squished his head, he wouldn’t come back to haunt me!

> Copyright stuff: The Characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion belong to

> Gainax, Movic, ADV and some other people becomihng really rich.

Cozza: Or becoming, even

Dim: And Project Eva is in there, somewhere, I believe.

[The fic ends. The TV turns off.]

Voice: [yawns] Ok, it’s done. What did you think.

Dim: You want an honest answer?

Voice: ...oh, here we go...

Jessica: Let’s see – the fic sucked.

Voice: (sarcastic) Gee, I didn’t see that coming...

Cozza: For the alternate reality Eva that Shinji created in Ep 26, that was bad. The characters were still OOC. And the new characters didn’t help much. My biggest tiff was with the speech. It was so unorganized, it was stupid! The scene changes weren’t any better – they should have been separate from the end of the previous scene.

Dimitri: The story just went from the Ep 26 thing, then went downhill faster than a semi-trailer. The characters were so out of character, not even the alternate reality excuse will excuse them.

Jessica: I’ve got nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. Long story short...I hated it.

Voice: [sighing] and Adam?

Adam: .....

[Adam goes over to the PC, searches for a file, searches the file, copies some text to another file, saves and prints the second file, shuts down the PC, takes the paper from the printer, walks over to Cozza and hands him the paper.]

Cozza: [reading] I hated that. What troubled me the most, you ask? Everything. But specifically? The runonsentenceslikethis. Oh, and the fact that everyone only half spoke. And the fact that there were quite a few spelling errors. That, and everyone was pathetic. And the new characters were all gay. And that the new girl (not Rei) had ‘obstructions’ in her hair. What’s the deal with that? And finally, the worst part? The ‘Evangelions’ were a band! A band, for crying out loud! What the FUCK is going on there?! [normal] I don’t really agree with most of this, but meh...[reading] PS, Jarred said this, I was too disgusted to comment...as I am now... [looks at Adam]

Adam: .....

Cozza: ...fair enough. [scrunches the paper and throws it away, as well as his empty coke® can]

Dim: Can we go.

Voice: Sure. The doors open...

[The look over to the door to find it...open...well, what did you expect?]

[They all leave through the front door, disposing their coke® cans on the way]

Voice: ...well, that was bad...but on the plus side, I have one thing to say... THAT’S THE EVIL THIS PLACE SHOULD BE FAMOUS FOR!

[...]

Voice: ...too bad there was noone around to hear that...

WEBSITES AND E-MAILS

Coramaximus – Corey “Cozza” Sinclair:

Website: http://www.geocities.com/SSJ2GohanSupreme

Email: coramaximus@hotmail.com

Daniel “Silent Dan” Ferguson

Website: http://weirdhouse.angelcities.com

Email: jerivar@handyhamster.com

Ryan “Goldfish” Ferguson

Email: goldfishpoodleboy@handyhamster.com

Note from ME: YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT! I’M BACK! And I’ve done this little thing for you all. I must admit, I owe this, mostly, to Dan, for motivating me to do another one of these (Cheers!). It’s coming upon Christmas, so I’ll probably do another one of these before the end of the year. I’ve got the time...

Also, I’d like to mention that the review given by Adam (sort of) was originally written by Daniel “Silent Dan” Ferguson. I just thought he should be given some credit.

CRSinclair

C. Sinclair – Author, and owner of

Coramaximus

and it’s concept.

> "He doesn’t want any of the girls in here anyways. He’s to busy scoping

> out his LOVER Ngumo."

Jessica: (Ngumo) We’re not lovers! We’re just good friends!

Dim: You keep telling yourself that.

Jessica: I will...it’s the only way I’ll sleep, tonight...