For the thousands in attendance...and the millions watching, around the world...ladies and gentlemen.........um, line?

 

Anyway, it’s time for another MST, with your favourite Maximus riffing team...ok, so they’re probably not your favourite, but if they are...well...it’s time for another MST, with your favourite Maximus riffing team!

 

Here we go again, 5...4...3...2...1...0...

 

...oh, wait, New Year’s was a few weeks ago...oh well.

 

And now for our usual special event banner:

 

MAXIMUS THEATRE 2nd BIRTHDAY-CHRISTMAS-NEW YEAR-AUSTRALIA DAY-CHINESE NEW YEAR-GNODAB-STUFF SPECIAL...THINGIE

 

Like the one we did a couple of eps ago...only better.

 

In fact...there may be a little surprise...

 

...then again, maybe not.

 

Oh, well, here we go...

 

******************************************************************************************************************************

 

[The scene: A large ... cinema, with a front door to the far back to the right. At the front is a large screen, standard with any cinema you care to go to. At the far back in the middle, there is a square hole with a projector pointing through that hole at the screen. Speakers are situated symmetrically around the room. In the middle lie several seats (normal to any cinema) set in several rows across the floor (which is slanted slightly downward towards the screen, by the way), leaving space for two evenly situated isles from the front to the back. A typical cinema ... or is it?]

 

Voice: Hmm...[reading] thousands die in tsunami disaster in South-East Asia...[normal] gee...that’s enough to dampen their spirits...oops, that sounded a lot like a pun...forget I said that...ow, uh, gee, I’d like to help, but I’ve got no way of sending any money. I have to pay my “employees”...and I don’t even have any money to pay them!

 

Corey: HEY! I heard that?!

Voice: WAH! Uh, I was...uh...talking about...other employees...who I can’t pay, because...I have to pay you guys!

Corey: Aren’t we, technically “employees”

Voice: ...well, yess...technically, but you’re my highest priority employees. I can’t compare you to the other...employees!

Corey: ...whatever...

Voice: Phew!

Corey: What was that?

Voice: Uh, I said...FEW people are as understanding...as you are...

Corey: ...ok...

Voice: [whispering to himself so no-one else could possibly hear] I’ve got to learn to keep my mouth shut...

[Corey takes a seat with his popcorn (which he bought)]

Corey: So, who’s the other guy?

Voice: ...other guys...

Corey: No, I know two of them, already...there they are, now.

[Dan and Ryan walk in]

Dan: Why did you drag us into this?

Corey: Hey! I didn’t drag anybody, anywhere! We just happened to be going to a movie, and wound up doing this! It is not, in any way, my fault!

Ryan: Yeah...it’s those damn politicians!

Corey: ...yeah...that’s what it is...

Voice: Ok...three here...now to wait for the others.

Corey: ! Others? ...hold on a sec...are you saying...that there’s...more... than four of us doing this?

Voice: ...I can neither confirm, nor deny, that statement.

Corey: AAAGH!

Ryan: I told you it was those politicians!

Dan: You know, you may be right...

[They sit on the left side of Corey in the adjacent two seats, Ryan on the furthest seat of the two]

[At that point, Jarred and David enter the cinema]

Jarred: So...which movie are we seeing, again?

David: That Lizzie McGuire movie.

Jarred: ! Why are we seeing that?!

David: It was Rachel’s choice.

Jarred: Oh yeah.

Corey: [waves to Jarred] Hey, Jarred!

Jarred: [Looks at Corey] Hey, Corey. [turns his head back] !!! [slowly turns head back to Corey, then slowly away again] ......and I was having such a good day, too...

Corey: Join the club.

Ryan: Hey wait [stands up to face Jarred], you were having a good day, and you were going to see the Lizzie McGuire movie?!

Jarred: ...good point.

David: Yeah, this might actually be better.

Jarred: Now your being too positive about this...although we are talking about the Lizzie McGuire movie

Ryan: Stop saying “Lizzie McGuire movie”!!

Jarred: Oh, sorry.

[David and Jarred sit on the seats to Corey’s right, in that order from his seat, leaving a seat between them, for some reason...]

Corey: Okay, so there’s five. Big deal!

Dan: Um...well, David said that it was Rachel’s choice, so I’m guessing that she’d be coming.

Corey: Ok, six.

David: And we weren’t wild about seeing the movie, we were dragged here, you know?

Corey: ...ok...since there’s few that could drag you two...eight. At least it’s not nine.

Ryan: Why?

Corey: ...I dunno. I just don’t really want any more company, I guess...

Ryan: Oh...well, I guess you won’t want to know that Adam’s sitting right beside me, here [points thumb at Adam, who was sitting in the seat to Ryan’s left...well, he didn’t have any reason to lie, ok?]

Corey: [Holds head in his left hand] *sigh* it figures...wait [looks over at Ryan] How’d you know he was there, anyway?

Ryan: Hey, I essentially made him. And I know where my creations are, at all times!

Adam: ......

Ryan: ...it was a figure of speech...

Adam: ...whatever...

Everyone but Ryan and Adam: He speaks!!!

Ryan: ...I wish they wouldn’t say that.

Adam: Same...

Corey: Ok, we have nine people. I’m fine with that, as long as there are no dogs, or anything.

David: [To Jarred] Where are Arthrix and Cerberus, anyway?

Jarred: [To David] (shrugging) mm-m-mm.

Corey: So, when are the other’s getting here?

Adam: ......

Ryan: He says Rachel will be here once she’s spent all her money at the candy store, out front.

Corey: Ok, that’s one.

Jarred: Sarah said she’d be a couple of minutes late.

David: And Jessica, well...you have no Idea how slow she is [smack!]

[David is suddenly hit by a sharp smack to the back of the head]

(smiling): ...I knew she’d show up if I said that.

[Behind him stands a 6'2" woman, with long, brown hair and crystal blue eyes. She wears a blue t-shirt and black bike shorts...and maybe a pair of socks and some nice shoes...or jogging shoes – you can’t see through movie seats, you know?]

Jessica: I’ve been sitting here behind you the whole time.

David: ...um...why? I saved you a seat.

Jessica: ...you could have told me sooner.

David: I would have, but I thought the fact that Jarred and I left a seat between us would have given it away.

Jessica: I thought you just left a seat for your popcorn.

David: You would.

Jessica: Fine [jumps over, using the seat for support], but this seat better not have anything on it.

David: Well, I can’t guarantee that, it is a movie theatre.

Jarred: You might want to check it for HIV syringes.

David: Uh oh...I did get pricked, a couple of minutes ago.

Jessica: Don’t worry, that was just my fingernail.

David: Oh, good.

[Jessica sits down in the seat between David and Jarred]

Jarred: Where’s Sarah?

Jessica: She was off to the toilet, last time I saw her.

Jarred: Again? How small’s her bladder?

Sarah: HEY! I drank a lot of water, this morning!

Jarred: [in a frightened defensive position] Uh-huh-hough!

[...oh, description time...well, she’s...also 6’2”, has short blonde hair (no, she’s not a bimbo with the intelligence of a gnat!) and lovely blue eyes. She wears a...nice yellow dress that goes down past her knees, and a pair of white sandals. HAH! Didn’t expect that, did ya?!]

Sarah: ...oh well...[She bends down and kisses Jarred on the right cheek, then proceeds to sit on the seat to his right, making sure her dress follows her legs]

Jarred: ...um...I......ok, I don’t know what to say to that.

Sarah: Then don’t say anything, silly.

Jarred: ...works for me.

Corey: Ok, so when’s Rachel going to show up?

[A loud, high pitch squeal is heard, emanating from outside the doorway]

Corey: ...[He rests his head on his right fist, with right elbow on his right armrest] I had to ask.

[Suddenly, a rush of blue comes through the door, and stops just beside Adam]

Rachel: YAY, MOVIE TIME!

[...what, another one? ...ok, she stands 5,10” (she’s one of the shortest in the series, ok?), has short, messy, sky-blue hair; and lavender eyes. Obviously God put some artificial colouring in her gene pool (ba-doom tiss). She has on a little blue tank top, with a white shirt underneath, and a short black skirt. Happy?]

Ryan: Just sit down.

Rachel: Hey, you’re not the boss of me.

[She sits down...somehow, not of her own free will]

Rachel (shocked): ...ok,  I’m scared...

[Adam makes a smirk]

Everyone but Ryan, Adam and Rachel: IT SMILES!

Ryan: DON’T DO THAT!!

Dan: Well, now that we’re all here, can we get this started?

Voice: Just a sec, I can’t seem to open the fanfic folder.

Corey: Why not put them on computer?

Voice: I have, it’s f@#!ing up so I have to reboot.

Rachel: How can a computer f@#!? [Adam hits her over the head] OW!

Ryan: [whispering to Adam] Hey, could you two swap seats.

Adam: ......

Ryan: [whispering to Adam] So we can both hit her over the head at the same time. It’ll be fun!

Adam: ......[shrugs and turns to Rachel] ......

Rachel: WHAT?! I DON’T WANNA SIT NEXT TO HIM! HE’S CREEPY!!

Ryan: Think of it this way: If you two exchange seating positions, it will give Adam, here, a clear route to the exit and therefore the outlet, thus making confectionery purchase and conveyance more efficient.

Rachel: Sugar?

Ryan (annoyed): ...if you swap, he’ll have a clear path to the door and the store so he can get candy quicker.

Rachel: Oh, ok! [Adam and Rachel stand, get around each other, and sit where the other was previously seated] Just don’t touch me, ok?

Ryan: Hey, I made you. I’ve “touched” you enough times.

Rachel: Ew!

Ryan: It’s more disgusting than you think!

Dan (over-eager and grossed out): OK, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Voice: Ok, I finally got it. Let the fanfic begin!

Rachel: Huh? You mean we’re not going to see the Lizzie Mcguire movie?

Adam:......

Rachel (teary-eyed): AWW! I was looking forward to it all week!

Corey: That makes...one of us.

Sarah: Actually, I wouldn’t have minded watching it.

Jarred: [looking at Sarah with a half shocked/half disappointed look] I’m very disappointed in you, Sarah.

Sarah: I’m sorry, mum.

Jarred: ......[puts his face in his hands] why did I ever start that? Why?!

Dan: Hey wait...if they’re here to see the Lizzie Mcguire movie, then...why are we here?!

Corey: ...[looks at his ticket] It’s the right theatre...AHH! LIZZIE MCGUIRE?!! I distinctly asked for three tickets to see THE INCREDIBLES!!!

Dan: AH F@#! ...oh well, at least were not watching it, now.

Corey: Yeah...I guess this is better...

 

[A vault door seals the back entrance, and locks are heard...locking!]

 

Rachel (a little frightened): What was that?

Corey: Just the back door locking so we can’t get out until it’s over.

Rachel: But, if the doors closed, how will I eat candy?

Corey: Well, obviously, you don’t!

Rachel: ...you mean...I’m sitting next to this freak, for nothing?!

Ryan: Well, think of it this way...bitch...: Adam, here, can create a darkness-induced space-time gateway, through which, he can transverse--

Rachel: Forget I asked!

 

[The theatre lights dim to nothing, and the screen lights up as the fanfic begins. Oh the humanity!]

 

>        “A is for Amazing, a hero it is true, K is for his kindness which shines through and through,” Yurika Mitsumaru sang happily as she skipped down the corridor, her long blue hair bouncing carelessly behind her.

 

Dan: Um...I think you need to rewind a little!

Voice: ...no...this is the beginning.

Dan: What?! You mean to tell me that there’s no title?

Jarred: Hey, remember “Shinji the Casanova”? It had a scene before it’s title. Maybe this does, too.

Dan: ...you’d better be right.

Corey: And it’s Misumaru!

 

  “I is for intelligence that he’s got in his head,

 

Ryan: Something that you don’t have in your’s.

 

 T is for true love for which he’s born and bred! 

 

Jarred: You’re not born and bred for true love, nobody is!

Sarah: That’s not true, what about star cross’d lovers?

Jarred: Ahh, I don’t believe in that junk.

Sarah: Well, what about us?

Jarred: [looks at Sarah] I met and fell in love with you when I was a kid. I wasn’t born for it.

Sarah: Then why were you born?

Jarred: Oh, now don’t start that, again!

 

O is for outstanding a warrior and cook. . .”

 

Corey: (Yurika, singing) Akito, akito, he’s not a thief or crook!

Dan: Now that was lame.

Corey: I know, I was just maintaining the quality.

 

>        Jun Aoi sighed as he watched the captain skip merrily by him.  If only she would sing such songs for him.  If only the feelings that she so gleefully flaunted were for him!  Why couldn’t she love him?  Why must she love that wretched Akito instead?  Jun sighed, looking up at the sky.  Why did things never turn out happily ever after for him?

 

David: Because you look like a GIRL!!

 

>        “Hello Ruri-Ruri,” Yurika cooed sweetly as she sat down in her chair.  “What’s on the agenda for today?”

>        “Hello Captain,” Ruri replied in her usual monotone, only rolling her eyes once at the captain’s pet name.

 

Ryan: Others would roll them twice, but not our Ruri.

 

“We’re entering Jovian Territory again.”

 

Corey: (Mr. Burns, singing) I was strolling by the Jovians, one day...

 

>        “But that shouldn’t be a problem with the new peace treaty,” Megumi pointed out.  “Thanks to Genichiro, the Jovians in this vicinity are perfectly friendly,”

 

Jessica: Thus taking away any possible storyline or action this fic could have had.

 

>        “Oh good!”  Yurika clapped her hands.  “Full steam ahead, Ruri!”

>        “We already are, Captain,” Ruri pointed out, not even knowing why she bothered.

 

Ryan: For the money! Do you know how much they pay kids her age, normally?

 

>        “Oh, well, good!”  Yurika agreed, easing back in her chair.  Soon enough she got bored, though, and began fiddling.  After about five minutes of twitching she dozed off.  Five minutes later she awoke and began twitching.  Then she napped again.  Then she twitched.

 

Corey: And that continued for the next few weeks, the end.

 

>        “Ooooooh!”  Yurika finally burst out.  “I’m so boooored!  Isn’t there anything to do on this ship?”

 

Dan: Well, there is a simulation room.

 

>        “The Nadesico is a warship, Captain,” Ruri once again supplied the necessary information.  “She is equipped with very few entertainment systems.”

 

Dan: Like the simulation room.

 

>        “You can always sleep,” Minato pointed out.  “That’s what I do when I get bored.”

>        “I already tried that!”  Yurika whined.

>        “Well. . .”  Jun offered shyly.  “We could go try out the virtual reality room,”

 

Dan: That’s what I said!

 

>        Yurika brightened for a moment, then sighed and shook her head.  “No, Jun.  That’s a really good idea, but you know that all of it’s scenarios are set to romantic.  Unless somebody can find Ms. Fresange, I’m afraid that isn’t going to work.”

 

Corey: How’s Inez going to help?

 

>        But why, Yurika?  Jun asked in his mind.  Why would a romantic scenario not work for us?  Why would it work for Akito?

 

Jessica: She never said that...which is quite odd, come to think of it.

 

Why do you love him, when for me you feel only friendship?  Why?

 

David: Because you look like a GIRL!!

Jarred: That and they’re from two different worlds...literally!

David: Hey, I’m trying to rob Jun of what little is left of his masculinity, do you mind?

 

>        Meanwhile, down in the hanger bay, the pilots were similarly bored.

>        “Duck, duck, duck. . .”  Hikaru grinned playfully as she ran around the other pilots. 

 

Corey: Who were spread all over the place, and wondered what the hell she was doing!

 

>        “Duck, duck. . .”

>        “Why do we have to play this stupid game?”  Ryoko asked irritably.

 

Rachel: AHH! ASUKA!! [hides behind her chair]

Ryan: She just sounds like her.

Rachel: Oh...AHH! SOMEONE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ASUKA!!

Ryan: SIT DOWN! [She sits on the floor] ...IN YOUR SEAT!

Rachel: Oh, well, you should have said something. [Sits back in her seat...and gets two hits to the head (at the same time) for her “trouble”] Ow!

Ryan: See, I told you it’d be fun.

Adam (smirking): .........

Everyone but Adam, Rachel and Ryan: IT SMILED AGAIN!!

Ryan: Ok, the next one to say anything like that will get my katana through their vital organs!

Dan: But you don’t have one!

Corey: Uh, yeah, the one I gave him.

Dan: ...you gave him a sword?!

Corey: Katana, a special Japanese sword.

Dan: WHATEVER! Why did you give him one?!!

Corey: He wan-ted one so baaadlyyy.

Dan: He never even asked for one.

Corey: [tapping his temple] You gotta work out what he’s thinking...

Dan: ...ok...but a sword? ...you realise what could happen, don’t you?

Corey: I’m well aware of the consequences, such as genocide and mass killings of political figures.

Dan: (shocked).........(normal) Well, as long as you know...

 

>        “Well, do you have a better idea?”  Akatsuki asked, although the endless feel of hands on his carefully combed hair was beginning to irk him.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) Yeah...AESTIVALIS TIGGY!!

Jarred: (Seiya) It is a reckless disregard for high tech authorised machinery to use it for childish games.

David: That’s what Andaron said about Anzorion Tiggie.

Jarred: I know, that’s who I got it from.

David: Besides, he’d be more like this (Seiya) NO WAY, YOU’RE NOT TAKING MY PRECIOUS AESTIVALIS OUT TO PLAY SOME CHILDISH GAME!! I WILL NOT ALLOW THE RECKLESS USE OF MY BABIES!

Jarred: ......whatever...

 

>        “No, but there’s got to be something more productive we can do!”  Ryoko burst out.

>        “Pro-duck-tive,” Izumi snickered.  Everyone rolled their eyes.

>         

Ryan: Quack.

 

>        “Goose!”  Hikaru shouted triumphantly.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) Oh yeah?! Well, see if you can beat me back here!!

Sarah: (Izumi) I guess I’m cooked...

David: (Seiya) Again?! Hikaru’s picking on me! This is my bitch-of-a-wife’s fault, I know it!!

 

>        Meanwhile. . .

 

Jarred: Wow, a scene change. Haven’t seen one of those in a while.

Dan: Except when they first went to the hanger.

Jarred: ...yeah...there’s that.

Dan: It’s still rare, though.

Jarred: well, that’s what I thought.

 

>        “Well girls, are you ready for the big feast tonight?”  How-Mei asked the kitchen girls as they prepared a massive pot of spaghetti.

>        “Uh-huh!”  One of them replied.  “I’ve even got the tables all figured out.  Jun, and Yurika, and Akito, and Megumi will all sit at this table. . .and Minato, Gort, Ms. Fresange and Yukina will sit over here. . .and Izumi, Hikaru, Ryoko and Seiya will sit here. . .and this table’s for Mr. Akatsuki. . .”

 

Corey: Why couldn’t you use correct grammar for the first table. You did fine with the other two!

 

>        “Wait a second,” How-Mei interrupted.  “You’re making Akatsuki sit all by himself.”

>        “Well, he won’t be by himself, of course,” One of the other girl’s interrupted.  “He gets to sit with whichever one of us is working!”

 

Ryan: Those sneaky bitches!

 

>        “Are you implying that you won’t be working your hardest?”  How-Mei asked with a raised eyebrow and a slight grin.

>        “Well, I for one will be working!”  The eldest girl spoke up proudly.

>        “Oh really?”  How-Mei asked.  “Why are you being so diligent,”

>        “Because we drew straws, and I’m the one who gets to wait on Mr. Akatsuki!”

>        “Lucker,” The girl with the pad muttered.

 

Ryan: Lucky bitch!

Dan: I can think of another word that sounds like that.

 

>        Meanwhile. . .

>        “Oh Akito!”  Erina stalked down the halls, shading her eyes with one hand.  “Akito Akito Akito Akito Akito!”

>        “Huh?”  Akito muttered, hearing his name called.  Turning around he saw Erina resolutly walking towards him.  “Oh no. . .”

>        Taking a deep breath, Akito slowly turned around, ready to run at the slightest provocation.  It came a moment later with a shout of “Oh, there you are Akito!”  He bolted.

>        Two Hours Later. . .At the Feast. . .

>        “Um, this is some great food, isn’t it?”  Yurika said, licking her lips.  “Yum, yum!”

>        Jun just stared at her across his plate.  She looks especially radiant tonight, the lovestruck man thought in wonder.  Pink is really her color.  But so is blue, and red, green and gold, silver and scarlet and emerald, sapphire and. . .

 

Ryan: Poo brown. [Everyone else, except Adam, now on the end, looks at him funny]... It’s a colour!

 

>        “Yes, the girls have been working hard on it all day,” Akito agreed.  “They wanted it to be just perfect for tonight.

>        How ironic, Megumi thought as she gazed at Akito.  They wanted the food to be perfect.  And it’s close. . .but not perfect.  The only thing perfect in this room is Akito. . .

 

Corey: Yeah, he wishes he was.

 

>        “Yea, look at all this delicious food!”  Hikaru exclaimed.  “I’m going to eat this and this and this and. . .”

>        “Not that!”  Seiya yelped, leaning over her and grabbing a chicken leg.  “That one’s mine!”

>        “Wow Mr. Uribitake!  You like chicken too!”

 

Corey: Ah, I couldn’t quite remember his last name.

 

>        “It’s my favorite,” Seiya confided conspiratorally, leaning close enough to catch a whiff of the young woman’s perfume.  “I see that you wear Sunburst Ray,”

>        “Leaping Lizards!”  Hikaru yelped.  “You knew the name of my perfume! 

 

Dan: (Hikaru) This one time, at band camp...

 

>        Let’s see if I can guess your cologne. . .is it. . .Metal Sawdust?”

 

David: Close, but it’s actually Metal Shavings.

 

>        “Wow!”  Seiya gasped, leaning back in his chair.  “You’re good.”

>        “Gah!  I can’t believe this,” Ryoko moaned, leaning back in her chair.  “I’m stuck at a table with a bunch of nose happy fools!”

 

Jarred: Hah hah.

 

>        Izumi just snickered and ate some spaghetti.

 

>        “Excellent food,” Gort said.  Then he spoke no more and merely ate.

>        “It’s because they put extra basil in the sauce.”  Inez explained.  Finding nothing more to talk about, she also set herself to eating.

>        Minato sighed and just twirled her fork in the pasta, remembering the time Ken had taken her to a fine Italian restaurant.  Well. . .so maybe he hadn’t taken her.   Maybe he’d only suggested it.  There hadn’t been any time for a real date. . .

>        “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”  Yukina asked.  Minato gave a sad little smile and nodded. 

 

>        “I don’t get it,” Akatsuki complained.  “Why do I have to sit at this table all alone?  Don’t I deserve someone pretty to talk to?”

>        “Someone to talk to?”  Five pretty little ears perked up.  Within a minute, How-Mei had lost all five helpers.

 

Dan: (Akatsuki) AHH! FANGIRLS!!

Ryan: GET THE SHOTGUN!

 

>        “Well, I should really be getting to bed,” Yurika said wearily, standing up and smiling a little.  “Akito?  Care to escort a lady to her room?” 

>        “Have no worries, Yurika!”  Jun declared vallantly, standing up immediately.  “I would be more then happy to provide an escort,”

>        “Nah, it’s okay Jun,” Akito said, for once being a gentleman.  “I’ll take her home.  You finish your dinner.”  Jun sighed and sat down, losing to the other man.  As usual.

>        “Thank you Akito,” Yurika murmured, cuddling next to him as they walked along.  I’d been hoping that you would volunteer.”  Akito didn’t say anything.

 

Jarred: He was stunned by her missing quotation mark.

 

>          As they passed beside a window, though, he noticed something more then slightly odd.  There were three ships moving towards the Nadesico. . .ships he’d never seen before.

 

Corey: (Darth Vader) The force is strong with this one.

 

>        “Uh. . .Yurika?”

>        “Hmm?”

>        “Do you see those ships?”

>        Yurika sighted along the cook’s fingers, her eyes opening as she spotted them.  “What are those?”

>        “I don’t–” But Akito’s words trailed off.  When he had turned to look at the captain again she had simply. . .disappeared.  A second later, Akito too had vanished.

 

>        “Where is she?  Where is my beloved Yurika?”  Jun asked desperately, searching the entire ship.

>        “Akito!  Akeeeetoo!”  Megumi called.

>        “Tenkawa!  Where are you hiding?  Tenkawa!” 

 

Corey: (Akito) If I told you, it wouldn’t be a fair game of hide and seek!

 

Even Ryoko joined in the search.  Hours later every met again on the bridge, completely defeated.

>        “Well, now what do we do?”  Hikaru asked sadly.  “We can’t find the captain or Mr. Tenkawa anywhere!”

>        “Maybe I can help,” Ruri volunteered.  “Here.  I’ll pull up the security cameras from last night.  We can watch where they went.”

>        “That Ruri,” The Prospector murmured.  “So smart,”

 

Ryan: It doesn’t take a genius to think of that, Prospector.

 

>        The entire crew held their breaths as they watched Akito and Yurika walk down the halls.  Their intense concentration was instantly silenced by astonished gasps when the two disappeared into thin air.

>        “Wait!”  Ryoko demanded.  “Go back, Ruri,” As the young girl complied and rewound the tape, Ryoko’s finger shot out, pointing at the three ships.  “There!  Has anyone seen those ships before?”  Everybody shook their heads.

>        “Well, then I suppose it’s obvious what we have to do,” Akatsuki murmured smoothly.  “We have to go after those ships.”

>        “You’re right!”  Jun agreed, slapping his hand into his fist.

 

Jarred: Or his fist into his hand, depending on your point of view...

 

  “And we’ll need every pilot we’ve got!  I’m going too!”

>        “Um, Mr. Aoi,” Gort interrupted.  “With the captain gone, you’re in charge.  You can’t abandon your post like that.”

 

Corey: (Jun (Homer)) Can’t someone else do it?

 

>        “But. . .but. . .”

>        “No buts, you’re staying!” Seiya declared.  “And to tell the truth, you couldn’t have gone anyways.  See, I’ve been doing some experiments on the Aestivalis, and uh. . .well, they’re not all ready to be flown.”

 

Dan: “they’re not all fully operational” would have been better.

 

>        “How many of them are operational?”  Jun questioned, seeing any chances for rescuing his dear Yurika flying out the window.

>        “Um. . .well. . .just three,” Seiya admitted.

>        “Three?!?!?”  Hikaru squeled.  “But that means one of us will have to stay behind!”

>        “Not me!”  Ryoko declared.

>        “I’m going,” Akatsuki also asserted before anyone else could talk.

>        “I’ll be the third wheel,” Izumi muttered, and then broke into absurd little giggles.

>        “Aw, c’mon guys, you can’t leave me behind!”  Hikaru argued.  Shrugging their shoulders, the other three pilots didn’t even bother to reply, they just left.  Hikaru stomped her foot angrily.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) Sure we can, watch--look over there! [points to the screen, then makes a run for the door]

 

>        “Where are we?”  Akito asked the first thing he woke up.  Turning around, he saw Yurika laying beside him, her long hair obscuring her face.  Gently, Akito brushed back the fine tendrils, then stood up to get a better view.  Not that standing up did any good.  The room was just as dark standing as it was sitting.  Sighing, Akito lay down again.  It took less energy.

 

Jarred: Energy wasted standing and sitting, just now.

 

>        “I don’t see any ships,” Akatsuki muttered doubtfully.

 

Dan: Ok, that’s like TWO scene changes with no warning!

Jarred: What’s up with that?

 

>        “They’re out here, I know it!”  Ryoko replied forcefully.  “Trust me on this one!  I can feel it!”

 

Rachel: (Hikaru) I think there’s something on your shoulder.

Ryan: Um...Hikaru didn’t go, remember...

Rachel: ...she did it on purpose just to spite me!

Ryan: (sarcastic) Yeah...that’s what she did...

 

>        “Sometime’s facts are more reliable then feelings,” Akatsuki pointed out.  “Most of the times.  Emotion’s just cloud your judgement.”

 

Jarred: Or “most of the time”, anyway.

Sarah: [whacks him over the head] That’s a lie and you know it!

Jarred: OW! I was just correcting his grammar!

 

>        “I know that!”  Ryoko replied.  “But this is different!”

>        “This is different. . .or he’s different?”  Izumi whispered.

>        “Shut up!”  Ryoko and Akatsuki both yelled at the woman.

>        “Shut what?”  Izumi asked innocently.

 

Jessica [returned to her seat]: (Ryoko) I said shutup! What do you think?!

 

>        “There!”  Ryoko shouted triumphantly, a few hours later.  “Do you guys see that?”

>        “That’s them alright,” Akatsuki agreed.  “They’re a lot bigger in person.”

 

Ryan: (Akito) Stop looking at my balls! [everyone else but Adam stares at him] ...I’m just saying what we’re all thinking...

Rachel: I’m not thinking that! [slaps him in the head]

Ryan: BITCH!

Rachel: Serves you right...but why did it hurt me, too?

Ryan: (sarcastic) Gee, I don’t know [smiles evilly]

 

>        “All engine on full thrust!”  Ryoko shouted.  “Engage the enemy!  Attack!”

>        “Once was enough for me,” Izumi muttered, nevertheless doing everything that the other woman commanded.

 

Jarred: How odd...

David: (Izumi) Oh, you want me to win. BOOM!

 

  The three Aestivalis shot forward.

>        As they neared the ships, however, three identical beams shot towards them, one from each ship.

>        “Damn it!”  Ryoko screamed, twisting away just in time.  Akatsuki likewise dodged, but Izumi wasn’t so lucky.

>        “I’ve been hit. . .” 

 

Corey: That’s impossible!

 

The woman murmured in amazement before their communications were shot.  Her Aestivalis immediately lost power and began plumetting towards the nearest gravitational pull.  A plant only a few hundred miles away.

 

Dan: Or planet, even.

 

>        “Izumi!”  Ryoko screamed.  “Hold on!” But as she moved to help her friend, she found herself stopped by another robot.  “Akatsuki, what are you doing?  You’ve got to let me help her!”

>        “You can’t help her,” Akatsuki growled.  “She’s already done for.  You have to save yourself.”

>        “You can’t be telling me to just leave her there!”  Ryoko argued, amazed that even Akatsuki could be so cold-hearted.  “She’s my friend!”   With these words Ryoko broke free of his grasp and flew after her friend.

 

Corey: And fell, with her Aestivalis, to a horrible, fiery death, the end.

 

>        “Don’t!”  Akatsuki yelled after her, his face appearing directly in front of her own within the communications box.  “Your Aestivalis doesn’t have enough energy to pull both of you out of that planet’s gravity.  Go after her and you’ll both die!”

 

Dan: I’m wondering which planet this is. They’re still in the Solar System, from what I can tell, so it should have a name.

 

>        “I have to try!”  Ryoko replied desperately, continuing her dive.

>        Akatsuki stared after her a moment, trying to convince himself that he had no part in this,  that he should run away while he still had the chance. 

 

Corey: Keeping “this” and “that” as far away from each other as possible.

 

Finally giving up though, he turn his Aestivalis and headed after the two women.

 

Dan: “turned” would have been the grammatically correct way to put it.

 

>        Ryoko was trying hopelessly to tug Izumi up, realizing that Akatsuki had been right, that there was no way she’d have enough power to move both Aesti’s.  But she refused to give up.  Just when she was closing her eyes for the impact, she felt her load lessen.  Opening her eyes, she saw Akatsuki’s Aestivalis beside her, helping to pull up Izumi’s.  Grinning, Ryoko sighed, glad that there was finally a chance.

 

Jarred: Not much of one, but a chance, nonetheless.

 

>        The relief only lasted a moment though.  Despite the added help, the combined power of the two Aestivalis still wasn’t enough to combat the planet’s strong gravitational pull.

 

Corey: Must be Jupiter.

Dan: Well, Ruri said they were going through Jovian territory.

Corey: Yeah, but how far away from the Nadesico are they? It never says.

Dan: Good point.

 

 Both Akatsuki’s and Ryoko’s screams were cut off on impact.

 

Corey: Ok, maybe it isn’t. I’m not sure Jupiter has a surface to impact on.

 

>        “We’ve lost all contact with the Aestivalis,” Megumi said tearfully,

 

Sarah: Already? What a wimp!

 

 staring at the blank screen in front of her.  “Mr. Akatsuki, Miss Ryoko?  Izumi?  Please, will somebody come in?  Pilots?  Pilots?”

>        “No!”  Jun yelled, sinking back into his chair.  “We can’t have lost them, too!”

>        “I’m afraid so,” the Prospector murmured heavily.  “Five Aestivalis, all destroyed.  The loss to Nergal is terrible!”

 

Corey: I thought only three were operational, how could there have been five.

Dan: You just answered your own question.

Corey: ... [thinks for a bit] ...no, Seiya said that he was doing experiments on them and that only three were ready. The rest were still being worked on, not destroyed.

Dan: ...oh...yeah...

 

 

>        “I’m not talking about the Aestivalis!”  Jun fumed, standing up and glaring at the older man.  “I’m talking about human lives!  Three people were in those robots.  THAT’S what I’m talking about!”

>        The Prospector just stared at him in bewilderment as the young man stormed out.  Megumi stared at his retreating back, and then she too stood up, steel reflecting in her pale blue eyes.  “He’s right, you know.  Lives are far more important!”  And then she, too left.

 

David: I’m not even going to bother saying what’s wrong with that grammar!

 

>        “Yes,” Minato whispered sorrowfully.  “Life is precious.  Precious. . .and short.”

 

Ryan: Like hobbits.

Rachel: Or babies.

Ryan: Don’t interrupt!

 

>        Hikaru stared at the blank screen.  They couldn’t be gone.  They couldn’t be. . .couldn’t be dead.  Could they?  No!  Not her friends.

 

Jessica: (sarcastic) She’s so great her friends are immortal.

 

  Not Ryoko, Ryoko wouldn’t die, she was too strong to die.

 

David: Hey, I died, once. [everyone else (except Adam, he could tell, though he couldn’t see him up the other end) looked at him] ...ok, not the best example...

 

  And surely Izumi wouldn’t die either. . .not like her two fiances.

 

Sarah: Who, ironically, died trying to kill her.

 

>        “They’re gone,” Seiya said softly, coming to stand behind her. 

>        “They. . .they can’t be,” Hikaru protested.  “I should have been out there with them. . .I could have been. . .if they’re dead. . .then. . .”

>        “But you weren’t with them,” Seiya concluded, figuring out what the girl was going to say.  “You weren’t with them, and you didn’t die with them.  And it isn’t your fault.

 

Jarred: It’s those damn Eskimos. [David reaches over Jessica and whacks Jarred in the head] ...oh yeah, my psychiatrist told me to stop doing that...

 

  You couldn’t have taken any of their places.  They wouldn’t have wanted that.”

>        Hikaru turned to stare at him, her eyes filling with tears.  Then, sobbing, she flung herself into the surprised man’s arms.  He gently stroked her hair, wondering at his own tenderness.

 

>        “Are you sure those are the ones you want, Kakeru?”  The short Jovian asked. 

 

Rachel: AHH, Jovians on the Nadesico!

Jarred: Umm...I think the scene changed.

Dan: I wish they’d give us a warning, because we don’t know what the f@#!’s going on!

 

>        His almighty leader merely inclined his head.

>        “Yes.  One is the captain of the Nadesico.  She will know where I can find Yukina.  She will know where I can find this supposed ‘Minato’.”

>        “Oh, Minato’s real enough Kakeru,” The other man replied eagerly enough.  “I’ve met her myself.  A real looker.”

>        Kakeru merely smiled and nodded his head.  Whatever.

 

Corey: I’m sure he meant to say that.

 

>        “Ow!”  Ryoko exclaimed as she crawled free of the wreckage.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) Damn those whatevers!

David: At least it wasn’t a Whatev.

Jessica: [cringes] Ick! Good point.

 

  “Man!  Talk about a crash landing!  Hey, Izumi!  Akatsuki!  Anybody else alive?”

>        “Right here,” Akatsuki’s muffled voice replied.  “Under my Aesty.  Do you think you could give me a little help?”  Sighing, Ryoko walked over to the shattered robot and began pulling away the large strips of sheet metal.

 

David: With the kind of strength you’d expect from...me. Not her!

 

  Sure enough, there was Akatsuki, buried beneath the wreckage, one leg firmly entombed beneath the Aestivalis’ head.

>        “Hold on,” Ryoko told him.  “I’m gonna find a branch or something for some leverage,”  muttering about pea-brained, long-haired losers,

 

Jessica: Like David, here.

David: Oy! Do you hear me say stuff like that about you?

Jessica: All the time, you said it, yesterday.

David: But when I say it, it’s cute!

 

 the girl set out to do just that, but as she was walking along the shore of the beach they’d crashed onto,

 

Dan: A beach? There shouldn’t be any breathable atmosphere on any other planet but Earth, let alone a beach!

Corey: And Mars, with all it’s nano-tech thingies.

Dan: Oh, yeah...well, they can't be there, either...it's not Jovian territory...I hope...

 

 she sighted another smoking pile of rubbish.  “Izumi!”  The woman gasped, running towards the shattered mecha.  “Izumi!”

>        When she arrived at the site, she realized that Izumi’s robot was in worse shape then either hers of Akatsuki’s.

 

Jarred: You mean “or”?

 

  Not only had it endured the impact on the planet, but also the shot taken while in space.  Despairingly, Ryoko opened the passenger hatch and peered inside.  “Izumi?  Izumi, are you okay?”  There was no answer.

>        Grunting with the effort, Ryoko pulled her friend free and dragged her a short ways along the beach.  There they both lay down, Ryoko leaning over to feel the other pilot’s pulse.  It was there, weak but still steady.  “Thank God!”  Ryoko murmured joyfully.

>        “I take it everyone’s okay then,” Akatsuki’s smooth voice drawled. 

>        “Yeah, everyone’s fine, no thanks to you!”  Ryoko snarled.  “You would’ve just let her die!”

 

David: Asshole!

 

>        “But I didn’t,” Akatsuki pointed out softly.

>        “Yeah, yeah,” Ryoko answered, not willing to concede the point.  “Not that any of it really matters.  Where the hell are we, anyways?”

 

Corey: Tatooine.

 

>        “Don’t know.”  Akatsuki replied.  “And all our communications are down.  Looks like this is the end of it for us.”

>        “It is not!”  Ryoko replied heatedly.  “Why are you always so damn ready to give up!  It’s like your not willing to fight for your own life!”

 

David: I wouldn’t fight for his life, either.

 

>        “Maybe my life isn’t worth fighting for!”  Akatsuki yelled back.

 

Jarred: I’ll drink to that.

Dan: It sounds funny, coming from a guy who turns out to be the head of Nergal.

Corey: Maybe it’s not quite up to that part in the story, and he’s still pretending to be a pretty-boy pilot.

Dan: Hmm...could be...I guess...

 

  Then, as if realizing what he’d just said, he sighed and stood back up.  “Listen, I don’t know anything about wilderness survival, do you?”  Ryoko mutely shook her head, still disturbed by what he’d said only moments earlier.  “Then it seems the best thing to do is to start moving and see if we can’t find some kind of settlement, find some people who’d be willing to help us.”

 

Ryan: You’re more likely to find Jovians who’d rather secretly kill you.

Corey: That reminds me – Ruri mentioned a peace treaty, so this must be after the end of the series (but, obviously, before the movie).

Dan: Oh, yeah...makes his attitude towards his own life a little weird.

Ryan: Hey, what can I say - all corporation CEOs are cowards away from their companies.

Corey and Dan: Good point.

 

>        “Yeah?’  Ryoko asked, raising one eyebrow.  “We’d better hope they’re not related to you, ‘cuz we’ve all seen how well you help people.”

 

David: You also better hope that they’re not Jovians who don’t like the peace treaty.

 

  Akatsuki’s face tightened, but he didn’t make any retort.  Ryoko sighed and shrugged her shoulders.  “Look, Akatsuki, I’ll lay off, okay?  Truce?

 

Corey: (Akatsuki) Truce?? Wait a minute...you’re trying to make me let my guard down so you can kill me in my sleep, aren’t you?

  But what are we gonna do about Izumi?”

 

David:(Akatsuki) Throw her off a cliff--OW! I was kidding--OW! Stop it!

Jessica: No, it’s fun.

David: (surprised) ...I thought I was imagining those!

 

>        Akatsuki stood for a moment in thought, staring down at the comatose woman.  “Well, I guess you don’t want to leave her there. . .”  The fire dancing in Ryoko’s eyes was answer enough to that.

 

Rachel: (Ryoko) AAGH! My eyes!

 

  “So I guess I’ll have to carry her.”

>        “You’re not laying hands on her, you long-haired jerk!”  Ryoko shot back.

 

Rachel: Yeah, you old pervert!

Ryan: [To Adam] I’ll give her one more.

Adam: ......[nods at Ryan]

 

>         “I’ll make a stretcher, we’ll carry her on that.”

>        “Whatever happened to our truce?”  Akatsuki asked with just a hint of a smile.  Ryoko snarled at him.

>        “Well I guess you don’t want to leave her here. . .”  She muttered under her breath.  “C’mon, help me make this thing.”

 

>        “Um. . .Jun,” Megumi asked quietly, coming to stand behind the man.  A muffle dsound was her only respone.

 

Corey: Except for the muffled sound. That would have been her only response.

Dan: And why is it, that we have to guess when the scene changes?

 

 “Jun. . .I thought that was very brave, standing up to the Prospector like that.”  Jun didn’t give any response, he just continued to sit there.  “I always thought,” Megumi murmured, screwing up what little courage she had.  “I always thought that Akito was the only one on this ship who really cared about anyone.  But I was wrong.  Yurika. . .well, Yurika cares about everyone on this ship.  And Ryoko and Izumi and Hikaru, they’re all the best of friends.  And Seiya, and How-Mei. . .well, they care about everyone under their care.  And Gort, too.  I think he likes us all.

 

Sarah: (Megumi) that, or he hates us all. I can't remember which.

 

  And you, too, Jun.  I can tell that you really care.  And not just about Yurika, either.  You care about people in general.

 

Ryan: (Jun) Can you get to the point, please?

 

  It’s not easy, is it?  Always feeling things, even when nobody returns those feelings, I mean,” Megumi sighed, and stood up, realizing that she wasn’t going to get an answer.  “Well, bye Jun.  I guess that I just wanted to tell you that. . .”

>        “You don’t have to leave,” Jun whispered from where he was huddled.  “I. . .kind of like having you here.  You’re not Yurika, but. . .”

>        “Yes,” Megumi whispered, sitting down beside him.  “You’re not Akito, but. . .”  They sat in silence for several more moments, until Jun turned a tear-streaked face to the woman sitting beside him.

>        “What is it about him?”  Jun whispered.  “What is it about Akito that makes everyone love him?”

 

Dan: He’s clumsy, spazzy, and doesn’t try to gain anyone’s affection.

Corey: Every woman likes that...apparently.

Dan: On the Nadesico, anyway.

Jarred: Except Minato.

Dan: Well, she doesn’t count.

Jarred: ...yeah, I suppose that’s true.

 

>        Megumi stared at him for a moment, stared deep into his blue eyes.  “I don’t know,” she responded truthfully.  “I was attracted to him at first because he cared.  That was a lie. . .not that he cared,” she reiterated quickly.  “But that nobody else did.  And Yurika likes him because he never gives up.  I suppose it’s because he manages to be both vulnerable and strong that we all like him.  I just don’t know.  What about Yurika?  What about Yurika has you so determined to win her over?”

>        “Well,” Jun sighed and shook his head.  “She’s so beautiful, inside and out.  She loves everyone she meets, and she has so much life. . .you just have to love her back.  She’s sweet, and funny, and intelligent, and just an all-around nice person.  I guess that’s it really.  She couldn’t ever stand to really hurt someone.”

>        “Neither can I,” Megumi whispered back.  Jun stared at her.

>        “You know,” he murmured.  “I do care.  And I can be both vulnerable and strong. . .if that’s what you want,”

 

Sarah: (Megumi) No, it doesn’t work if you try.

Jarred: (Jun) Aw, jeez!

 

>        “You already are,” Megumi replied, her face softening.  “You don’t have to change a thing.”

 

Jessica: (Megumi) Except maybe your face. Do you have to wear that make-up?

David: (Jun) Hey! Some say I look like a refined gentleman. Notice the manly redness of my cheeks.

[Jessica stares at him]

...(normal) I was just making up a possible excuse he could have.

Jessica: (sarcastic) Yeah, right.

 

>        “Where did that man go?”  Erina screamed, stomping back and forth.

 

Dan: He’s just over there with Megumi.

Corey: Scene change.

Dan: ...AGAIN?!

 

 “The captain’s always been willing to desert her post, but I never would have believed it of Mr. Aoi.  What is the world coming to?  You’d think that laziness is a disease or something the way people react.

 

Corey: That’s my excuse.

Dan: ...[whacks Corey in the head]

 

  Why I–” The helmswoman’s words were cut off as a well-wielded frying pan came in contact with her head.

 

Ryan: YES!!

 

>        Gort looked up gratefully to thank whoever had swung the kitchen appliance, and was a little surprised to see that Inez was the warrior.  “Why, thank you Ms. Fresange.”

>        “Don’t think twice about it, Mr. Gort,” The woman replied smoothly.

 

Jessica: (Inez) I trained years for this very moment.

 

  Minato just continued to stare out the window.

 

>        “He’s gone!”  All of the How-Mei girls screamed in unison.  “Nooooo!!!!  Our love!  Mr. Akatsuki!!!!!”

>        “She’s gone!!!!!!”  The mechanics likewise hollered.  “Our loves!  Ms. Subaru and Ms. Maki and Ms. Mitsumaru!!!!!”

 

Corey: MISUMARU!

Dan: AND FIX THE DAMN GRAMMER, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

 

>        “Hmmm?”  Both groups cut off as they noticed the others.

 

Jarred: The kitchen and the hangar being adjacent to each other, all of a sudden.

 

>         “Oh. . .well.  Hello there. . .”

 

David: Who said that?!

Jessica: I know it was more than one of them...which ones? That’s a mystery.

Jarred: Maybe it was all of them.

 

>        “Isn’t there anything I can do to help?”  Hikaru asked Seiya, dancing anxiously around on the balls of her feet.

 

Dan: I’m going to guess that the author likes to spring new scenes upon us. Because, except for one or two, there hasn’t been anything to say that the scene has changed!

Corey: Well, I’m going to guess that an empty line between two bunches of text is meant to be a scene change. Of course, it’s only a theory...and I think it’s been proven wrong at least once, so far, this fic.

 

  “After all, these last two Aestivalis have to get fixed up before Mr. Aoi and I can take them out!”

>        “Just don’t touch anything!”  Seiya yelled back from where he was crouching beneath Akito’s Aesty.  “I don’t want a little girl like you breaking anything!”

>        “Little girl!”  Hikaru grumbled.  “Hmpgh.  Somebody’s in a grouchy mood. . .”

 

David: He’s got his wife to blame for that.

Jessica: (annoyed) And what makes you say that?!

David: I distinctly remember him blaming his wife, at least once.

Jessica: Oh...for a moment, I thought you would have been making a reference to me.

David: And give you a reason to whack me?! I’m not stupid!

Dan: You could have fooled me.

David: [to Dan] Hey! You stay out of this!

Dan: [Corey punches him in the shoulder] OW! Sor-ry!

 

  As boredom settled in, Hikaru’s thoughts turned to the manga that she was currently creating.  Maybe she would have a grouchy mechanic in that too.  And maybe he’d get together with Umi,  the team’s crack ace female pilot.  They’d be perfect for each other.  Umi was always so upbeat and happy, she’d be sure to brighten up any grouch’s life.. .Hikaru’s musings broke off as she heard a strangled yelp from beneath the Aestivalis.  “Seiya!”  The woman gasped, running in a full-sprint to where the man had disappeared.  “Don’t worry Mr. Uribitake!  I’m coming!  Never fear, Hikaru Amano is here!  Huh?”

>        As she turned the corner, her blaster held out to shoot, she saw only Seiya with a large red welt on his forehead.  “What are you doing in here?”  He yelled, hastily trying to hide something behind his back.

>        “What’s that?”  Hikaru asked curiously.  “Huh?  Huh?”

>        “Get away!”  Seiya gasped helplessly, but Hikaru leaned over his broad shoulders and yanked the pamphlet from his heads.

>        “Wha–?”  She asked in amazement, staring down at the Gekiganger comic.  “Wow!  Mr. Urubitake, you like Gekiganger, too?!?!?”

 

Corey: I thought you would have known that, since you found out earlier in the series.

 

>        “What?  Er, no.  No.  I was just using this model here to, uh, improve our own Aestivalis.  It was an interesting idea so I decided to, er, implement it into my designs, Heh, heh,” Seiya pulled nervously as his collar, staring at the girl.  “Uh. . .do you like it?”

>        “I love it!  I love Gekiganger and I love our new Aesty’s!”  Hikaru practically sang, leaning forward and giving Seiya a big hug.  “Wait until I tell Izumi about this!”  The girl finished,  not even remembering that Izumi was no longer there.

 

Dan: Nor the extra space after the comma.

 

>        “Well this is great,” Ryoko complained, trudging along.  “The long-haired showoff got us lost in the woods,”

>        “Yeah, well I don’t see you giving any instructions!”  Akatsuki shot back from the front of their small convoy.  “Besides, it’s not like there’s a trail or anything to follow!”  Ryoko had to admit that he had a point, but didn’t particularly like to.

 

Ryan: Because if he found out, he could use it against her. Those things are sharp!

Dan: Not that kind of point, Ryan.

Ryan: And once again, Daniel goes and ruins my fun!

Dan: Sor-ry...

 

  Instead she just continued to trudge, dragging the stretcher and Izumi along behind her. 

>        “Listen,” Ryoko suggested reasonably, trying to make up for her earlier caustic comment.  “Maybe we should just stop for tonight, build up a fire.  It’s tough to see where you’re going when you can’t even see!”

>        “Alright,” Akatsuki agreed amiably enough.  “If you’re tired, we can stop.”

>        “I’m not tired you big lug!”  Ryoko yelled back at him.  “But you’re going around in circles so much we’re not getting anywhere!”

>        “You’re right,” Akatsuki replied.  “We’ll stop.  However about at the clearing we came to a few blocks back?”

 

Jessica: The “ever” of “however” really makes that statement quite confusing.

David: That statement didn’t, necessarily, make the most sense, either.

Jessica: Shut it!

David: Yes, mum.

Jarred: ...I’m ruing it more and more...

 

  Ryoko nodded her consent and began trudging back along their trail.  Moments later they were huddled around a little fire, staring into it.

>        “Ow,” Akatsuki muttered from his side.  “Ow.  Hey.  Ouch.  Ow. . .”

>        “What are you doing?”  Ryoko asked curiously, staring at the handsome man.

>        “Combing my teeth,” He replied sarcastically.

 

David: I hope so, because that’s kind of impossible.

 

  “I’m brushing my hair, that’s what I’m doing.”

>        “Hmm. . .quite a job,” Ryoko murmured under her breath.  Aloud, she merely said, “Well,  if it’s so much trouble why don’t you just cut it?  Why do you insist on wearing it in such a ridiculous fashion?”

 

Jessica: I could ask the same question to David.

David: Hey! Why do you wear it like that?

Jessica: I’m a woman!

David: Not all women have long hair.

Jessica: So? Not all guys have short hair, but Jarred does...oh crap!

David: HAH! I WIN!

Corey: Hey, could you keep it down?!

David: Yes, mum.

Jarred: ALRIGHT! That does it. I will personally kick the next person to say that word! I don’t care where they’re sitting, or what gender they are!

Sarah: You wouldn’t dare.

Jarred: You wanna try?

Sarah: No mu--er, sir!

Corey: Hey, you started it.

Jarred: Yeah, and I’m finishing it!

Dan: Yeah, whatever, mum.

[Suddenly, Vitznerik lands point down in Dan’s chair, between his legs, almost slicing off his...legs...that’s what I meant to say...]

Heeeyy...there’s a scratch on my Vitznerik

Jarred: Your?! Dream on...wait, there’s a scratch [Jumps up] WHERE?!

Sarah: Sit down!

Jarred: Yes, mum....ehh--.........[to Sarah] you can kick me, later. [sits down]

Sarah: [with a salute] Can do!

[The Vitznerik disappears]

 

>        “I can’t cut it!”  Akatsuki yelled vehemently, his voice charged with suppressed emotion.  “I just can’t!”

 

Ryan: (Akatsuki) It’s just too much pressure to take!

 

>        “Alright, alright,” Ryoko said soothingly.  “Calm yourself Tarzan.

 

Dan: Comma.

 

  You’d think I just asked you to kill your own mother or something.  Why such a spastic response?”

 

Ryan: (Akatsuki) Because you asked me to remove my beautiful locks!

David: Shutup, over there.

Ryan: ...no.

David: ...well, can’t say I never tried...

 

>        “It doesn’t matter,” Akatsuki replied leadenly.  “I’m going to bed.  ‘Night Subaru.”

>        “‘Night, Akatsuki.”  Ryoko replied gently.  When she heard the gentle snores coming from his still form, she crept over.  With a small knife she always kept in her boot, she proceded to very slowly, and very gently, chop off the man’s long, silky tresses.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) Oops! I missed! ...oh well, no harm done.

Sarah: (Izumi) You cut off his head!

Jessica: (Ryoko) Oh...yeah...HEY! You’re supposed to be unconscious!

Sarah: (Izumi) Oh, sorry [goes unconscious]

Corey: [looking over] ...uhh...is that a good thing?

Jarred: [to Corey] Don’t worry, she’ll be fine...and if she isn’t...I’ve bought a nice coffin to bury her in.

Sarah: HEY! I’m not really dead!

Jarred: [to Corey] See? I told you she’d be fine.

Dan: In more ways than one. [Suddenly, Vitznerik lands point down in Dan’s chair, between his legs, again]

Hey! If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t even exist!

Jarred: Neither would that!

Corey: Don’t you hate when your creations come back to haunt you?

Dan: [to Corey] You just shutup!

 

>        “Come wid me.”  The robot repeated.

 

Dan: Or “with me” even...and what robot?! ...oh, wait, this is another scene change, isn’t it?

 

>        “Why?”  Yurika asked fearfully.  “Akito, where does he want us to go?”

 

Dan: I knew it. This is really pissing me off!

 

>        “I don’t know,” Akito replied in bewilderment.  “I have absolutely no idea!”

 

Ryan: As usual.

 

>        “Come wid me,” the robot repeated.

 

Corey: It’s “with”! Who made this thing?!

 

>        “Maybe we should do what he says. . .”Yurika whispered.

>        “Come wid me.”

>        “You’d better do as the robot says,” A familar voice laughed.  “Or it won’t every let you go.”

>        “Gai?”  Akito asked in amazement.

>        “Shiratori?”  Yurika breathed.

 

>        “Yeah,” Seiya replied to a laughing Hikaru.  “So anyways, then my wife says. . .”

>        “Your wife?”  Hikaru interrupted, her formerly gleeful face now completely sober, her eyes a little sad.  “You’re married?”

 

Corey: (Seiya) I thought you knew. That’s why you didn’t want to help me with my Aestivalis diorama, anymore, remember?

Dan: I’m starting to think that the author (whoever they are) hasn’t quite seen all of the series.

 

>        “Yeah,” Seiya replied.  “To the ice bitch from hell.  I’ve got a son, too.”

>        “A. . .a son,” Hikaru murmured.

 

Corey: Well, you only see him in the movie.

 

>        “Yeah,” Seiya answered, a little concerned.  He was finally catching on that everything was not okay.  “Why?  Hikaru?  Oh, Hikaru, no!  It’s not like that!  I don’t love her or anything!  Hikaru, she means nothing to me!”

>        “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re married,” Hikaru replied firmly, standing up and staring down at the man she had so recently come to love.  Or at least to think she loved.  “And that doesn’t change your responsibility to her.  Or to your son.”

 

Ryan: (Seiya) She forced me to! (normal) That’s what he should’ve said.

 

>        “‘Karu, please,” Seiya begged, staring up at the woman with his pleading eyes.  “I’ll file for a divorce when we return to earth, it’s not big deal.”

>        “No big deal?!?”  Hikaru burst into one of her rare fits of temper.  “Is that all that marriage vows are to you?  No big deal?  Is that all that I am to you!  No!”  Hikaru gasped, running from the room with tears running down her face.

>        “‘Karu. . .”  Seiya whispered, then picking up a picture of his wife and son.  “Well, how do you like that, bitch?”  He yelled at the photo. “You’ve ruined my life again!  Are you happy?  You’re not even here, you’re lightyears away from me and you still manage to do it!  That must make you real proud, huh bitch?  Real proud!”  Sighing, Seiya leaned back against the work table,  idling playing with the model that he and Hikaru had been so happily working on minutes ago.  Then, struck by inspiration, he sat up and began to carve.

 

Corey: No, hang on...I’ve read this...this is probably where I read that it was about his wife. I think it happened a little different in the series...something about noone understanding Hikaru or something...

Dan: I still say the author hasn’t seen the series.

 

>        “Well, Seiya says that the Aestivalis are all working,” Jun announced to the crew.  “So Ms. Hikaru and I will depart tomorrow morning.”

>        “Why bother?”  Ruri asked, almost a note of curioustly in her voice.  “It’s been over a week.  You don’t think they’re still alive do you?”

 

Jarred: That’s an odd tone, even for Ruri.

 

>        Jun ignored her, as he had a habit of doing.  “So. . .Gort.  I guess that puts you in charge.”

>        “Gort?”  Erina screamed.  “Gort?  Why is Gort in charge?  Shouldn’t I be in charge?  Aren’t I far more qualified and capable then that big gorilla?  Why won’t I be the one–”

>        “Thanks again, Inez,” Gort murmured, a smile on his somber face.  “I love a woman who’s good with a frying pan.”

 

Ryan: And not just because they can cook with it!

 

>        “So do I,” Inez replied, smiling at Erina’s inert form.  “Especially when it has such immediate results.”

 

Dan: Can it do instant porridge?

 

>        “Jun?”  Megumi whispered, running down the hall and catching the young man’s sleeve.  “Do you really have to go?”

>        “Well, there aren’t any other pilots,” Jun pointed out gently.  “Besides, Meg, I’ll be fine.”

>        Megumi flushed a little at her newly-acquired pet name before gazing up at him from beneath her eyelashes.  “You promise you’ll be careful?”

>        “Cross my heart,” Jun agreed just as seriously.

 

Ryan: With a knife, preferably.

 

>        “Why are you doing this?”  Megumi whispered tearfully.  “You know the chances of Ryoko, Izumi and Akatsuki surviving are slim.  And we have no idea where to look for Akito or Yurika anymore.  Besides. . .”  She finished bitterly.  “Those two are probably happier wherever they are.  Since they get to be together.”

>        “Shh,” Jun whispered, putting his finger over Megumi’s lips.  “You know as well as I that those two will hate every moment that they’re separated from the Nadesico.  And even if Yurika never loves me. . .she still is my friend, and I won’t let her down.”

>        “You’re right,” Megumi sighed, and smiled up at him.  “Now go on and get packing.  And promise me that you’ll be careful,”

>        “I already did,” Jun replied, a little surprised.

 

Sarah: (Megumi) Then do it again! (normal) I hate people who only promise once.

Jarred: I’m sorry.

 

>        “I know,” Megumi smile backed.  “But say it again.  I need to her you say it again.”

>        “I’ll be careful,” Jun whispered in her ear.

>        “You’d better be careful,” Megumi replied after their gentle kiss.  “Because. . .”  Megumi sighed.  Why did it always take so much courage to talk to this man.  So much courage. . .and yet she wanted so much to say it.  “Because. . .I love you,”

 

Adam: Big deal.

Corey: IT SPEAKS!

[suddenly, a katana lands point down in the chair, between his legs, surprising him. The surprise quickly fades. He then gets out paper, a pencil, and some measuring tape]

Ryan: ...what are you doing?

Corey: Making some measurements for Dim’s sword.

Ryan: But didn’t you, technically, make that sword?

Corey: ... [puts away the tape and the pencil and screws up and throws the paper...somewhere]

 

>        Jun stared down at her, surprised, and then nodded his head.  “I’ll be back, you’ll see.”  He whispered down to her, and then took off down the hall.  Megumi stared down after his retreating back, noticing that he hadn’t told her that he loved her.

 

>        “You know what!”  Mechanic #1 gasped as he hugged How-Mei Girl #1. 

 

David: (Mechanic #1) It gets really hard to breathe in here *gasp*

 

>        “I’m almost glad that The Ladies and Mr. Akatsuki disappeared.  If they were still here, I never would have met you!”

>        “I feel the same way!”  How-Mei Girl #1 replied. 

>        “To love!”  Mechanic #2 yelled.

 

Jarred: STOP YELLING!!!

 

>        “To happiness!”  How-Mei Girl #2 seconded.

>        “To us!”  A particularly courages mechanic, #3 exclaimed.

 

Corey: To 30c cones at Hungry Jacks!

 

  How-Mei Girl #3 only giggled.  How-Mei herself stared at the scene and sighed happily, shaking her head at the follies of youth.

 

Dan: You know, they should really give them names.

 

>        “No. . .oh, no. . .no,no,no. . .no,” Ryoko was awakened the next morning by the repeated words, so soft and yet so full of pain.

 

Ryan: (Akatsuki) Someone cut off...MY HEAD!!!

Dan: He wouldn’t be able to say anything if his head is cut off.

Ryan: There you go again...

 

>        “Akatsuki?”  The woman asked, sitting up.  “Akatsuki, what’s wrong?”

>        “No. . .”  was all the man was able to get out, as he continued to stare at his reflection in the still pond.  “No. . .”

 

Corey: (Akatsuki) Coca Cola costs $2.50!

Dan: Must you go on about that?

Corey: ...yes.

 

>        “Akatsuki?”  Ryoko asked, now a little worried by the usually confident man’s peculiar behavior.  “Mr. Akatsuki, are you okay?”

>        “You’re back. . .”  He whispered to his reflection, staring at it with a horrified expression on his face.  “You’re back.  I thought you’d left me, but you never will. . .no. . .”

>        “Akatsuki, snap out of it!”  Ryoko screamed, throwing a rock into the pond and shattering the image.  “Akatsuki you’re weirding me out now stop it!”

>        Akatsuki stared up at her, his face contorted into something feral and terrible.  “You!”  He hissed.  “You’re the one who did this!  You’re the one who made my brother come back!”

>        “Your brother?”  Ryoko asked in honest confusion.  “What the hell are you talking about?  Akatsuki, you’re making no sense!”

>        Taking deep breaths, the hideous expression slowly melting off his face, Akatsuki sat heavily upon a fallen log, putting his face down into his arms.  “It was a long time ago, almost twenty years,” He whispered, his words further muffled by his arms.  Ryoko slowly sank to the ground, realizing that he was confiding something very dear to him.  “I was on the moon, with my mother and father.  My brother was on Mars, working on some project for Father.  He was coming back that night, I remember.  Mother and Father were so excited.  We didn’t have any dinner that night, I remember.  I kept saying I was hungry, but Mother and Father were too focused on my brother’s return.  We were just getting ready to get in the cab when Mother got the phone call.  She was so white, so pale.  Like a ghost, I remember thinking.  She held the phone out to Father and then just collapsed.  She died that night, too, I think.  Her body continued to live, but her soul had been crushed.  Father just nodded his head as the voice continued to talk.  I remember being scared.  I was little, not even five, but I could tell that something horrible was happening, and I was scared.  Father slammed the phone down, and then turned to look at me.  And then, in this flat voice, he told me that my brother was dead.”  There was a long silence for a moment, Ryoko merely staring at the man, the proud, haughty, man, the broken and anguished man.  A few minutes later he continued.

>        “I found out later what had happened.  He had indeed been coming back from Mars.  He had an entire report about the Tenkawa’s, and the CC’s.  But as he was coming back he ran into a Jovian force.  They were going to let him pass, but he refused.  Instead, he attacked, lashed out at them.  And they killed him.

>        “Father never took me to the funeral,” Akatsuki continued.  “Him and Mother stayed home.  But I went.  Even then I knew it was important to go.  I called up a cab, and rode over there.  I was alone, I was by myself, but I went.  I knew that it was important even if Mother and Father didn’t.  I was scared.”

>        “Then what?”  Ryoko breathed.  “What did your Father do when you got home.”

>        Akatsuki shrugged his slumped shoulder, still hunkered over on the log.  “He pulled me out of my school.  He cut off any interactions between me and the other kids.  He taught me himself, and he started taking me to work.  I was there when he killed the Tenkawas.  I told him not to do it, I told him it was a bad thing to do, but he didn’t care.  I watched dozens of other people die, all for Nergal.  Father told me it was important, that these people endangered everything he worked so hard to do.  He told me that he was killing these people to help others.  I believed him.  What choice did I have?  He was the only one who I was allowed to talk to. . .I couldn’t give that up. 

>        “Then, he died.  A heart attack.  I was in charge of the company.  All of a sudden I had to deal with people, so many people.  All of a sudden I was held responsible not only for my own actions, but for others.  But Father had drilled me well.  He had taught me everything necessary to be the head of the huge corporation.  I suppose I did well.  I suppose he would have been proud of me.  But now. . .now I wonder if I would want a man like that to be proud of me.  I wonder if I want to call a man like that Father.”

 

Corey: Wow...that was a better story than the fanfic, overall.

 

>        “I’m sorry,” Ryoko breathed, coming to sit beside him.  She felt a little guilty about having had such a good childhood, but for some reason she felt compelled to tell him, to unbare a little bit of her own soul.

>        “My father was a pilot,” She said to him.  “He was always so kind and gentle, and he paid so much attention to me.  I loved him.  I loved him so much.  My mother died when I was seven,  and he was all that I had.  I never regretted losing Mom, though.  I was sad that she was gone, of course, but I’d always been closer to Daddy. 

>        “He passed away in a battle when I was sixteen,” she continued, her eyes misting over with the memory.  “The last thing he ever told me was that he was proud of me, that he loved me,  and that I was his special star.”  Ryoko’s lip trembled, and a tear fell down her face.  A finger gently brushed it away, and Ryoko grasped the hand attached to that finger, tears streaming down her face. 

>        “Ryoko. . .”  Akatsuki breathed in her ear.  Ryoko turned to him, tears still in her eyes.  As their lips met the past disappeared into memories, the cobwebs becoming mere shadows.  The world dimmed as well, the hunger and the fear falling away into just that single kiss. 

>        Their hands remained entwined.

 

Ryan: Their hair...was short.

 

>        “Shiratori?”  The man asked, leaping forward into the light, revealing a face so similar to the one’s that the two remembered, yet with it’s own subtle differences.  “You knew Shiratori?”

>        “Well. . .y-yes,” Yurika stammered out.  “He and our helmswoman, Minato, had a little romance.”  Yurika sighed at the memory, her eyes misting over.  “It was so romantic!  Just like Akito and me!  Akito can be romantic when he wants to be,” She confided to the stranger.  “It’s just that he usually prefers to be pragmatic.  Some men are just like that I guess.”

>        Kakeru turned away from the blabbering woman and looked at Akito Tenkawa.  “Did you know my brother?”

>        “Your brother?”  Akito asked politely, not really sure of whom the man was referring to.

>        “Yes, my brother!”  Kakeru replied impatiently, waving his hand around.  “Shiratori!  He was last seen cavorting with an earth woman, a Miss Minato.  My sister Yukina disappeared, too.  I know Shiratori. . .passed on. . .but Yukina’s still alive, and I have to find her!  We’ve been worried sick!”

>        “We?”  Akito asked, deciding to keep asking questions while he still could.

>        “Are you a romantic man, Mr. . .?”  Yurika asked, peering up at the Jovian.  “You look like one.  But then again, you never know!  My Akito doesn’t look very romantic, but. . .”

>        “My parents and I.”  Kakeru answered Akito’s question, completely ignoring Yurika.  “Now then, do you know where I can find Yukina?”

>        “Yukina’s aboard the Nadesico,” Yurika offered willingly.

 

Corey: (Yurika) She hasn’t gone anywhere.

Dan: What part of the series is this set, anyway?

 

>         “So is Minato, if you’d like to meet her as well.  But you’ll have to take us back, you know.  Everyone must be worried sick about us, we’ve been here so long.  Poor Jun’s probably ripping his hair out!”  Yurika giggled a little at that thought.  “Jun would look so funny without any hair!”

 

Ryan: [Thinks] ...nah, not really.

 

>        “What a strange woman,” Kakeru whispered to Akito.

>        “She is,” Akito replied.  “But we like her.”

 

Ryan: (Akito) For some strange reason...

 

>        “Wait!  Stop the Aestivalis launching!”  Seiya suddenly yelled, running into the hangar bay.  “Stop!  Stop!”

 

Dan: And here we have yet another scene change.

 

>        “What is it?”  Jun asked impatiently, opening the door to his Aestivalis.  Hikaru stubbornly remained inside.

>        “The ships have returned!  The ones that we think the captain and Akito are in!”  Seiya yelled, a little out of breath from the long run from the bridge back down to the bay.  “Mr. Hory thinks it might be a good idea to check them out first!”

>        “Yes!”  Jun agreed happily.  “There I will find my Yurika!”

 

David: She’s not actually yours, you know?

Jarred: And I doubt Megumi would like you saying that.

 

>        “Your Yurika?”  Megumi asked tearfully from where she stood below.  She’d happily come down to say her farewell to Jun, but now. . .maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her.

 

Jarred: Told ya.

 

>        “Megumi, no,” Jun protested, his face undergoing a startling number of transformations.  Megumi’s sweet face got a little sadder.

 

Sarah: What, no “Meg”? You just made it worse, pal.

Jarred: Hey, I don’t call you by your pet-name, and you don’t seem to mind.

Sarah: That’s because you never thought of one.

Jarred: That’s because I can’t think of a derivative that sounds cute.

Sarah: How about...Sari-warikins?

Jarred: (bemused) .........I’ll think about it.

 

>        “It’s back to Megumi again?”  She asked tremulously.  A single tear fell down her cheek.  Taking one last look at her second love, Megumi let out a little sob and then ran from the room, Jun looking hopelessly after her.

 

Jessica: [clapping slowly] (sarcastic) Nice going, Jun.

 

>        “Launching Aestivalis! Mr. Aoi, Ms. Amano, best of luck!”

>        “Thank you, sir.”  Jun agreed, getting back in his Aestivalis and taking off. Hikaru didn’t say anything, she just flew out the hatch.

 

Ryan: (hopeful) Without her Aestivalis?!

Dan: ...I doubt it.

Ryan: Damn!

 

>        “Well, everyone’s gone now,” Gort pointed out to Inez.  “It looks like we’re finally all alone, Ms. Fresange.  Now what is it that you wanted to show me?”

>        “Oh, nothing much,” Inez replied.  “Just this,” she continued, pulling off her labcoat and grabbing hold of the zipper on her blouse.

 

Jessica: WHAT?!

Corey: It’s a good thing I’ve rated these MA

Dan: ...no you haven’t.

Corey: Well, I’m going to, I swear!

 

  Gort’s eyes bulged a little,

 

Ryan: POP!

Rachel: (Inez) Oh, now how are you going to see my hot sexy body?!

Ryan: ......I’ll let that one slide...only because I brought it on myself.

 

 and he began to blush.  Nevertheless, he didn’t ask her to stop.

 

 

>        As the zipper was halfway undone, they had their first interruption.

 

David: Figures.

[Jessica gives him the stink eye]

...what?

 

>          “What is the meaning of this?”  Erina screamed.  “Completely unprofessional!  Mr. Hory, Ms. Fresange, I would have thought more of the two of you.  Senior officers and–”

 

Ryan: POW!!

 

>        “You’re really getting good with that frying pan,” Gort murmured admiringly.

 

Everyone, even Adam (Isn’t she just annoying?): [stand up, fist high in the air] YES!!

 

>        “Well, you know what they say,” Inez replied smugly.  “Practice makes perfect.  Now where were we?”

 

Corey: Level 7, I think.

 

>        “Ta-da!”  How-Mei Girl #4 said triumphantly as they finished their song and sat down.

 

Ryan: That’s not how you end a song.

 

  The mechanics all cheered raucously, before Mechanic #5 stood up.

>        “Ah-hem,” He said a little self-consciously.  “We have also prepared a song for you.  If. . .if you’d like to hear it, that is.”

 

Everyone but Adam: No, not really.

 

>        “Oh yes!”  All of the How-Mei Girls agreed breathlessly.  The rest of the mechanics stood up in a row.  The lights dimmed as they began to sing.

>        “You made me love you. . .I didn’t want to do it. . .”

 

Everyone but Adam: NOOOO!!!

 

>        They walked in silence for the rest of the morning, each one of the three lost in his own thoughts.  (Well, except for Izumi.  She was very conviently still unconscious.

 

Ryan: Yes, “conveniently”...

 

  (Hey, gimme a break!  Her lines are tough to write and they never stop coming!))

 

Ryan: (Izumi) Splorch, splorch! Get it? Coming?

Dan: ... [whacks Ryan in the head]

 

 Akatsuki was still trying to figure out what had made him open up to Ryoko.  He’d never told anyone about his childhood, he’d always kept it a secret, afraid of rejection or disgust.  But for some reason the woman had managed to draw it out of him. . .

 

Ryan: By cutting his hair?

Corey: I’d have to guess that he’s pretty open with his barber.

 

>        Ryoko meanwhile, was still pondering the kiss.  She hadn’t kissed a man for several years,  ever since that first boyfriend

 

Dan: That left a hole in her heart, much like the one after the comma, there.

 

. . .Ryoko snarled a little when she thought of him.  What a jerk he’d been!  He’d even tried to rape her on their second date!  Not that he’d gotten too far. . .

 

Corey: He got the shit kicked out of him. That’s what you get for trying to rape a military trainee.

 

>        “Uh-oh,” Akatsuki muttered from his position at the front of the convoy.  He dropped his end of Izumi’s stretcher (Ryoko had finally relented and let him help to carry it) “This is not good.”

>        “What’s not good?”  Ryoko asked, coming to stand beside him.  Together they looked across the vast chasm, hundreds of feet deep and stretching as far to the west and east as their eyes could see.  It was only ten feet across. . .an aggravatingly short distance.

 

Ryan: Which nags at your very soul!

 

>        “So what do we do now?”  Ryoko asked, settling back to squat down in the dirt, shading her eyes with her hand.  Akatsuki only gazed thoughtfully across the great pit. 

>        “Well. . .” He mused.  “I suppose I could jump it.”

>        “Yeah?  So how does that help the rest of us?  In case you haven’t noticed, Izumi still isn’t awake.  Somehow I think it might be tough to make a ten-foot jump when you’re unconscious.”

 

Adam: I could make it.

 

  Ryoko spat back at him,

 

David: (Akatsuki) Do you mind? That’s disgusting!

 

 all of her former resentment coming to a boil again.

 

David: (Akatsuki) Ew, and it was warm, too!

 

  Inwardly she cursed her temper, but aloud she continued to spit sarcastic remarks.  “Or were you just gonna leave her again?”

 

David: (Akatsuki) Why not? I’m not in love with her!

Jessica: (Ryoko) You better not be!

David: (Akatsuki) Why do you care?

Jessica: (Ryoko) Because I love you, you idiot!

David: (Akatsuki) That’s what they all say, baby.

[Jessica punches him in the face]

(normal) Ow, you didn’t have to do it so hard, you know?

Jessica: ...sure I did.

 

>        Akatsuki’s eyes shadowed as he listened to her, and his face underwent a series of peculiar changes.  First it went to a complete blank,

 

Ryan: (Akatsuki) Help! Somebody’s stolen my face.

Dan: Um, if somebody stole his face, how could he say anything?

Ryan: [Smacks him in the face] That’s for being technical.

Dan: Sorry, mum.

Jarred: [very loudly clears his throat]

Dan: (slightly frightened) Sorry.

 

 dead look, and then it switched back to his smooth, confident facade.  “I wasn’t planning to leave anyone.”

 

Sarah: Two expressions don’t make a series.

 

  He replied.  “I’m not a traitor.  I dearly love the Nadesico and all of her crew, and I had no intention of abandoning any of them.  I was think that if I could get to the other side I could use that branch,”

 

Dan: Or were you thinking?

 

 here he paused in his explanation to point to a long branch, laying along the edge on the other side.  “It looks long enough to go over the gap.  You could lash Izumi’s stretcher to it by some kind of a zipline, I think.  Then give her a little push, and she’ll be across.  You can follow along on the branch as well.”

>        “Yeah?”  Ryoko asked, having to admit that his plan had at least a little bit of merit to it.   Then, remembering again earlier that morning, her face softened a little.  “Do you think you can make the jump?  It’s pretty far. . .”

 

Ryan: Nope!

 

>        “Of course I can make it,” Akatsuki replied smoothly.  “I was the long-jump champion back in school.”

 

Ryan: Oh, bullcrap!

 

>        “I thought you said that you didn’t go to school,” Ryoko pointed out. 

 

Ryan: Yeah, what about that?

 

>        Akatsuki very neatly ignored that question, and began eying up the jump.  As he took a few steps back in order to get a running start, Ryoko yelled one more thing to the arrogant man.  “Be careful, you long-haired show-off.”

 

Ryan: (Akatsuki) What? (normal) Trip! Fall! Splat! The end.

 

   She immediately regretted the words as the other pilot fingered his now-short locks, thanks to Ryoko’s earlier attempts at hair-cutting.

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) That’s what I get for not going to hairdressing school.

 

  His face never changed thought as he ran towards the chasm.  With a flying leap he strung out his already long-body, his fingers reaching desperately for the other side.  Ryoko’s heart caught as she realized a terrible fact.

 

Corey: Your out!

 

>        He wasn’t going to make it.

 

Dan: So terrible, they had to italicise it!

 

>        “Well, here come your friends.”  Kakeru said nervously as he looked at the two approaching Aestivalis.  “Are you sure that if we put you up in their communications they won’t shoot?”

>        “Of course not!”  Yurika replied bubbly.  “They never shoot at friendly’s!

 

David: Or friendlies, even.

 

Well. . .not except for that one time when the computer malfunctioned. . .but that really wasn’t anyone’s fault.  Besides, Akito fixed the computer.  He’s so wonderful with things like that, aren’t you dearest?”

 

Ryan: (Akito) Don’t talk to me!

 

>        “Yeah, whatever.”  Akito replied.  “I don’t think we’ll even have to go that far, Mr. Kakeru,” He said to the Jovian.  “I’m pretty sure that white flag will be enough to stop them.  But why are there only two?  Shouldn’t there be four of them out there?”

>        “Hmm?”  Yurika murmured, looking out the window.  “Why yes, Akito, you’re right!  There are only two.  Well. . .let’s see.  That’s Hikaru’s Aesty, and that pink one is yours, isn’t it Akito?”

 

Ryan: (Akito) What? WHO’S USING MY AESTY! IF IT’S THAT JUN GUY, I’LL RIP HIS EYES OUT!!

 

>        The cook/pilot nodded his head.  “But if those are the only two out there, then where are Ryoko, Izumi, and Akatsuki?  I don’t know about the other two, but Ryoko would never give up a chance to come out and join a battle!  And somehow I don’t think Akatsuki would be willing to pass up an opportunity like this either. . .”

>        “I hope they aren’t hurt or something. . .”Yurika murmured worriedly.  “You don’t really think that they are, do you Akito?”

 

Ryan: (Akito) Probably, judging by our luck.

 

>        “Maybe we should find a more private place for this,” Gort murmured in Inez’s ears.  “After all, we really don’t want any more. . .intrusions. . .do we?”  Inez gave a sly smile and shook her head.

>        “I know the perfect place.  Follow me.”

 

Rachel: Is she still naked?

Ryan: ...I said one...I’ve got to hand it to her, though – it’s been a while...still [He and Adam whack her in the face]

Rachel: Owwie! I hate you guys!

[Adam raises his arm forward then suddenly pulls his fist close to his chest, as if to say “Yes!”, but not actually saying it...his expression never actually changes]

 

>        “Wow, thanks for teaching me how to cook!”  Mechanic #3 whispered to How-Mei Girl #3.  “I can’t believe how much fun this is!”

 

Ryan: (Mechanic 3) It satisfies me in a way I never thought po-- [Dan smacks him in the head, before he can finish]

Adam: ...now I know why I said it that one time...

 

>        “And much tastier then oil and grease,” Mechanic #5 agreed.  “Here, love, take a lick and tell me if this frosting has enough sugar in it.”

>        How-Mei Girl #5 willing agreed, taking Mechanic #5's finger into her mouth.  “Mmm,” she mumbled.  “That’s delicious.”

>        “You really think so?”  Mechanic #5 said.  “Wow!  That means so much to me!  Maybe I’ll give up all of my mechanical leanings and start working here in the kitchen. . .with you.”

 

David: (Seiya) WHAT?!

 

>        Meanwhile. . .

>        “Wow, thanks for teaching me how to fix things!”  How-Mei Girl #2 whispered to Mechanic #2.  “I can’t believe how much fun this is!”

>        “And much dirtier then cakes and frosting,” How-Mei Girl #4 agreed.

 

Jessica: If you like that sort of thing...

 

  “Here, dearest, take a look and tell me if there’s enough grease on this axle.”

 

Dan: I don’t care if this is a Nadesico fic, or not – that statement just seems so wrong!

Corey: Or badong, even.

Dan: No.

 

>        Mechanic #4 willing agreed, snapping down his goggles and peering into the device.  “Mmm,” he mumbled.  “That’s a great job you did!”

>        “You really think so?”  How-Mei Girl #4 said.  “Wow!  That means so much to me!  Maybe I”ll give up all of my baking experiences and start working here in the hangar bay. . .with you.”

 

Jessica: (How Mei) WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

 

>        Meanwhile. . .

 

Dan: Yay, a scene change you can see!

 

>        “I can’t believe that those others aren’t taking this opportunity to have some private time,”  Mechanic #1 murmured.  “Don’t they realize that they may never get a chance like this again?”

>        “How terrible,” How-Mei Girl #1 agreed.  “But I promise you, hotstuff, that somehow the two of us’ll find plenty of other opportunities.  How does that sound?”

>        “Lovely,” Mechanic #1 answered.  “But not as lovely as you. . .why don’t we step into this closet here and see if we can’t. . .”  His words cut off as he opened the door.  Both mechanic and cook were astounded at what they saw in there.

>        “Um. . .I can explain everything!”  Inez blurted, hurriedly pulling her lab jacket on.  Gort just stood there with his normal impassive expression.

 

Jarred: ...you know, I had a feeling they were in there...

Ryan: I wonder if even Inez can explain this...without admitting that they were having sex.

 

>        “Men are so foolish,” Megumi sobbed from her position on the bridge.  “Why can’t they ever just return a woman’s love?”

>        “They’re idiots,” Ruri replied unemotionally. 

>        “Now, they’re not all that bad,” Minato said gently.  “Why, Shiratori was. . .”

>        “Don’t talk about him,” Yukina whispered sadly.

 

Sarah: (Ruri) What are you doing on the bridge?

 

  “It hurts too much.”  Minato nodded her head tearfully.

>        Ruri looked around at the three other women, who all had tears streaming down their faces.  “Adults are idiots,” She muttered.

 

Everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY): SHUTUP, KID!!

 

>        “Akatsuki!!!!!!!!!”  Ryoko screamed as she saw his right hand clasp the edge of the precipice.  It remained there a moment, struggling for a handhold, but then disappeared.  “Akatsukie!”

 

Dan: Is that a pet name or something?

Corey: One with an extra e, that makes it sound...exactly the same.

 

>         Ryoko screamed again, running to the edge and staring down.  She winced as she saw his head slam into a side of the wall,

 

Ryan: (Nelson Muntz) Hah Hah!

 

 her eyes wide open in horror.  Then she heard a terrifyingly loud thud.  Wincing, she turned her head away, and leaned back against a tree where she began to let out wretching cries.

>        “What?”  A familiar voice asked.  “No kiss to wake up sleeping beauty?”

>        “Izumi?”  Ryoko whispered, tears still coursing down her face.  “Izumi. . .Akatsuki. . .”

>        “It’s alright,” Izumi soothed, coming over to sit beside the other pilot.  Her mind took a moment to wonder at this peculiar plot development, but then she waved it away.  “It’s okay to cry, Ryoko.  I know, I know, it hurts.  Just cry.”  Ryoko’s head went back down and her body shuddered with sobs, little choking cries that she tried valiantly to catch in her throat, but which twisted her entire body about.  After a while, hours or minutes, Izumi had already lost track of time, the woman finallly calmed.  As Izumi laid her back against the tree she realized with a detached amusement that Ryoko had fallen asleep.  Shrugging her shoulders, Izumi stood up and walked over to the chasm directly in front of her.

>        Poor Izumi’s muscles were tight and sore, and her stomach was cramping from hunger, but other then that she seemed to be okay.  Wonder of wonders, the woman smirked.  Miracle of miracles.  The smile instantly drained off her face though as she gazed down the cliff.  There, lying on a thing outcrop, was a splash of red and black.   Hmmm, Izumi thought.  Well, I suppose that’s what had Ryoko all hysterical.  Suppose I’ll have to go rescue the hotshot now.

 

Sarah: With a few bad puns along the way!

 Shrugging her shoulders again, Izumi leapt over the crevice, landing easily on her feet on the other side.

>        Looking over her shoulders at the dark forest, she shrugged again and began climbing down the edge.  She might not be as agile and skilled at this as Hikaru was, but she’d been called monkey herself now and then.

 

Jarred: By who?

 

>          Only a few minutes after beginning her descent she was sitting next to the comatose man.

>        “Now what?”  Izumi asked.  Then, noticing that the ever-present pendant around Akatsuki had broken off, she decided it was a good time to use one of her ever-amusing puns.  “Looks like we’re at the end of his chain.”

 

Sarah: I would say “I told you so”, but I think we all saw it coming.

 

>        “We’re almost there, Mr. Aoi!”  Hikaru exclaimed happily, nearly bouncing up and down in her Aesty.  “Isn’t this great!”

>        “Yes, but. . .”  Jun shook his head.  “Hikaru, what does that big white flag mean.”

 

Ryan: It’s the flag of the white supremacists!

 

>        “Huh?” Hikaru asked curiously, peering at the peculiar sheet.  “I think it means that they come in peace. . .but that doesn’t make any sense!  They kidnapped the captain and Akito.  They can’t be peaceful, can they?”

>        “Yes, they can!” Akito answered, his face suddenly appearing in front of Hikaru’s own.  “Listen, what I need you guys to do is head back to the Nadesico.  Tell the Megumi and the others that we’re going to send a small shuttle in, and that they shouldn’t shoot at it.”

>        “Of course not!”  Hikaru harrumped indignantly.  “We never shoot at friendly’s!

 

Jarred: Or “friendlies”.

 

  Well. . .except for that one time. . .”

>        “Where’s Yurika?”  Jun broke in impatiently.  “Is she okay?”

>        “Yeah, Yurika’s here with me.”  Akito replied.  “She’s fine.  But. . .Jun?!?!? 

 

Ryan: (Jun) Yeah! What of it?!

 

What are you doing out here?  Where are the rest of the pilots? Oh no. . .”  Akito muttered as he suddenly realized what had happened.  “Akatsuki turned evil again, didn’t he?

 

Dan: I wish.

 

  And he tooked Izumi with him.

 

Jarred: I doubt it.

Sarah: Yeah, the only thing evil about Izumi is her sense of humour.

 

  I knew that he had a thing for her,

 

Jessica: Since when?

David: And since when has he had a thing for her?

Jessica: That’s what I meant.

David: Well, you should have made yourself clearer.

[Jessica elbows him in the stomach]

(weak)...I’ll be good...

 

 I knew there was something wrong with that man!

 

Sarah: That’s an insult to Izumi! Akatsuki deserves it, but not Izumi!

 

  But where’s Ryoko?”

>        “No, no, that’s not true at all,” Hikaru retorted.  “What really happened was. . .”

>        “We’ll tell you when you arrive at the ship,” Jun interrupted.  “It’s. . .kind of a long story.”

 

David: (Akito) I could use a laugh.

 

>        “Hi guys!”  Akito said happily as he walked onto the bridge.

>        “Welcome back,” Ruri replied neutrally.

>        “Hello!”  Minato chirped, glad to see her friends.

>        “‘Sup?”  Yukina greeted them.

>        “Oh. . .hi Akito.  Hi Yurika.”  A subdued Megumi said.

>        The Prospector just leaned over his pad and began scribbling figures.

>        “Hello hello hello!”  Yurika sang as she bounced into the room right behind Akito.

 

Corey: (in a British accent) ‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello.

 

“Why’s everyone so gloomy?”

 

David: (Akito) And where’s my complimentary “welcome back” beer?

 

>        “Yeah,” Akito seconded.  “And where’s everybody else?  Where’s Erina? 

 

Ryan: (in a hillbilly accent) She gots knocked out good, ahyuck!

 

>        And Ms. Fresange, and Gort and Ryoko, and Akatsuki, and Izumi and Seiya, and the rest of the mechanics,  and How-Mei, and the rest of her girls?”

 

David: (Akito) And Gai...no wait, his dead, never mind. Where are those guys?

 

>        “Um. . .well. . .”  Megumi sighed.  “Jun can tell you.  He’s been in charge.”

 

Dan: (Jun) I said Goat was in charge!
Corey: I thought it was Gort.
Dan: Ehh, I’ve seen it spelled both ways.

 

>        Everybody turned to stare at Jun when all of a sudden Yukina began to scream.  “YOU!”  She yelled.  “BROTHER!”

>        “Huh?”  Everyone except Akito and Yurika asked, turning to see where Yukina was pointing her fingers.

>        “Mr. Yamadera?”  Half the crew asked.

 

Jarred: It’s Yamada!

 

>        “Mr. Shiratori?”  The other half asked.

 

David: (Kakeru) Yeah?

 

>        “Gekiganger’s Ken?”  The last half asked.

 

Corey: That’s three halves! How can there be three halves?!

 

>        “Yukina!”  The strange mirage exclaimed, running forward and engulfing the girl in a hug.  “Where have you been?  What are you doing here?  Mums and Pas and I were so worried about you!”

 

David: “Mums and pas”? I never had any parents. How many do you have?

 

>        “I’m fine!”  Yukina replied.  “But Shiratori. . .”

 

Ryan: (Kakeru) Yes, that’s still our last name.

Dan: His name is Tsukumo!

 

>        “I know,” the stranger’s handsome face clouded over slightly, and his voice dropped.  “I heard.”

>        “Are you. . .”  Minato asked, coming up to gaze raptly at the stranger.  “Are you Shiratori’s brother then?”

>        “Yes.  I am his older brother, Kakeru.”  The Jovian replied, standing up.  Gently, he took Minato’s hand and lightly brushed his lips across it.  “And you must be the famed beauty Minato.  I can see why my brother was so smitten with you.”

>        “The feeling was mutual,” Minato whispered back, gazing into the stranger’s eyes.

>        “Not again!”  Yukina complained staring at the two of them staring at each other.

>        “Adults are such idiots,” Ruri commented.

 

Everyone: SHUTUP, KID!!

 

>        Meanwhile, Jun had taken advantage of the touching reunion to go and stand behind Megumi.

>        “Oh, hello, Jun,” Megumi muttered noncommitally.  “Don’t you want to go see to your beloved Yurika?”

>        “Meg, there’s nothing between us, nor do I want there to be,” Jun whispered softly.

 

David: (Jun) Not any more, anyway.

 

  “I know it used to be my greatest dream, to be together with Yurika, but my dreams have changed. In my sweetest fantasies, Yurika’s face has been replaced by another one, even dearer to my heart.”

>        “Are you serious, Jun?”  Megumi asked, still not turning to look at him.  “You really mean everything that you’re saying?”

>        “With all my heart,” Jun replied.  “There’s only you, Meg.  Only you.”

>        “Oh, Jun,” Megumi whispered, turning to gaze at him with a teary smile on her face.  “My dreams have changed, too.  It’s you now.  Only you.”

 

Sarah: AWW! I wish I had a guy like that.

Jarred: (annoyed) What am I, a bowl of goldfish?!

Ryan: Oy!

 

>        “Aw, isn’t that sweet, Akito!  There’s so much love aboard the Nadesico right now!” Yurika cooed, leaning into Akito’s slightly taller frame.  Akito just nodded his head, still confused.

>        “But that still doesn’t explain where anyone else is,” he complained.  Just then in burst Mechanic #1 and How-Mei Girl #1.

>        “Mr. Hory!”  The mechanic panted.

>        “And Ms. Fresange!”  The cook likewise gasped out.  Right behind them ran in Inez and Gort, both still partially undressed.

>        “I told you!”  Inez hissed frantically.  “I can explain everything!”

 

Dan: This isn’t going to be another “Naze Nani Nadesico, is it?

Sarah: (Ruri) I’m not dressing up in that suit, again!

 

>        Everybody’s eyes swivelled to stare at the pair.   “Um. . .heh, heh.  But I know Gort really wants to field this one,” Inez muttered frantically.  “So. . .um. . .chao!”

 

Corey: Or ciao, even.

 

>        Gort met everyone’s eyes, and then pointed to an area underneath one of the consoles.  “If you’re looking for Ms. Won, she’s under there.”  He muttered impassively before leaving. 

>        “Well, that answers where half of them are.”  Akito muttered.  “But where are the rest of the pilots?”

 

Corey: You mean nobody’s told him, yet?!

 

>        “What are you doing down there?”  Ryoko yelled to Izumi.

>        “Ah ound Ski!”  She heared back, Izumi’s voice distorted by the walls of the chasm.

>        “Well, even if you do want to ski, this isn’t a great time to be doing it!” 

 

Ryan: Or place.

 

>        Ryoko yelled back.  “We still need to find people who can help us!”

>        “No!”  Izumi screamed back.  “A CAT SKI!”

>        “What is she talking about?”  Ryoko muttered angrily.  “Cat’s can’t ski!”

>        Izumi wrinkled up her face, grabbed something laying on the ground, and thrust up faceforward towards Ryoko.  “A CAT SKI!”

>        “No!”  Ryoko gasped.  “Akatsuki!”

>        Izumi nodded, finally satisfied.  “OM OWN N AY-ID IM!”  She yelled up at Ryoko.

>        “What?”  Ryoko asked curiously.  “Hold on!  I’m gonna climb down so I can hear you!”  And so I can see that he’s really okay, Her mind added.  Not that I really care or anything.  He’s just another arrogant guy who thinks he can do more then he really can.

 

David: I hate those!

 

    Taking a deep breath,  Ryoko soared over the chasm and did a tumbling somersault on the other side.

 

Corey: Now, why couldn’t he have done that?

 

  Quick as a cat she was up again and crawling down the side of the wall.

>        “Hey!”  She said brightly, landing beside the other two.  “How is he?”

>        “I dunno,” Izumi shrugged.  “He’s your lover-boy, not mine.  I’m going up to see if I can find any people.”

>        “Well, what am I s’posed to do?”  Ryoko demanded angrily.

 

Corey: Or “supposed to do”, even.

 

>         

  You don’t expect me to just sit around, do you!”

>        Izumi shrugged her shoulders.  “You and your lover can get back to doing whatever you were doing while I was out.  I’ll be back soon.”

>        “Wha-LOVER?!?!?”  Ryoko screamed.  “GET BACK HERE YOU CRAZY JERK!  WE’RE NOT LOVERS!”

>        “We’re not?”  A smooth voice asked from beside her.

>        “Oh, shut up Akatsuki,” She said absent-mindedly.  “I’m yelling at Izumi.”

 

Sarah: (Akatsuki) Ok. [goes unconscious]

Corey: ...um, she’s doing it, again...

Jarred: She’ll fit really well in that coffin I got her.

Sarah: HEY!

Jarred: Works every time.

 

>        “You know, we could become lovers,” Akatsuki continued.  “Very easily.”

>        “Huh?”  Ryoko turned to look at him, her mouth dropping open.  Then a smile suddenly lit up her face and she leaned over and gave him a huge hug.  “You’re alive!”

>        “Ow,” Akatsuki complained as she crushed his already-bruised ribs.  “Yeah.  Takes more then a little fall to kill Nagare Akatsuki.  But you know. . .I could use a little kiss.  To make my boo-boos all better.”

 

Rachel: (Ryoko) I’m not kissing you down there!

Ryan: [to Rachel] You will...and you’ll like it!

[Rachel leans away from him, with a shocked/frightened expression on her face]

...I was kidding, you idiot!

[Adam whacks her in the back of the head]

 

>        “Opportunist,” Ryoko snarled, but relented and gave him a full soocheroo right on the lips.

 

Jarred: Or smoocheroo...

 

>          “But we’d better wait until we get out of this chasm for the rest. . .”  She mumbled playfully.  Akatsuki grinned and began scurrying up the wall.

 

Ryan: Didn’t need to get up, first, no...

 

>        “Doesn’t that hurt?”  Ryoko yelled up at him. 

>        “Nah,” Akatsuki yelled back.  “I’m used to it.”

>        “How can you be used to it?”  Ryoko asked curiously.  “Looks like it’d feel like hell to me.”

>        “My father used to beat me,” Akatsuki replied off-handedly.

 

Ryan: You deserved it.

 

  “Now come on.  I know of a beautiful glen.  Although it pales beside your beauty.”

>        “You’re a strange man, Akatsuki,” Ryoko murmured.  “Race you there!”

 

David: (Akatsuki) Alright, but I’ve got a head start, and I’m not sure you’re a good climber.

Jessica: (Ryoko) OH YEAH! WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!

 

>        “What’s that, Seiya?”  Hikaru asked curiously as she got out of her Aesty.

 

Dan: I guess we should assume he’s got something.

Corey: That or she sees something unusual.

 

>         She motioned for Jun to go on without her, and he gladly did.

 

Ryan: Must have been before, because he had already done so, a while ago.

 

>        “My mail,” Seiya replied shortly.  “From a few years ago.”

>        “Anything good?”  Hikaru questioned, coming over to peer over his shoulders.

>        Seiya shrugged.  “I got some great models, enough to get all hot think-er.

 

Sarah and Jessica: EW!!

 

>         Yeah.  But they’re kinda outdated compared to Akatsuki’s baby here.  And I got. . .this.”  Without another word he handed it over to her. 

>        As Hikaru read it her eyes began to fill up with tears.  “Oh. . .Seiya, your wife died.  I’m so sorry!”

 

Corey: Impossible – she appears in the movie.

Dan: Well, the author doesn’t seem to have seen the whole series. Obviously, they haven’t seen the movie, either.

 

>        “Well, actually. . .” Seiya said, about to point out that he’d never really liked his wife. Before he could finish the sentence though, Hikaru had thrown herself on him, trying to ‘relieve his grief’.

>        “Yeah. . .”  Seiya said, his eyes lighting up.  “I’ll miss her.”

 

>        “So you’re sure they crashed on this planet?”  Akito asked.  Everyone nodded in the affirmative.

 

Dan: I don’t know any other way to nod, do you?

 

  “Alright,” Akito continued.  “Then I guess we’d better go in low and. . .”

>        “No need,” Jun interrupted.  “I’m pretty sure that’s Izumi right there.”

 

Ryan: She looks like an ant...no wait...that is an ant...

 

>        “Whaddaya know, it is!”  Hikaru exclaimed and began waving out the window.  “Hi Izumi!”

 

Jessica: You’d think they would have said “Hey, Izumi!”.

 

  Within seconds everyone had gotten off the ship, except for Ruri who was talking to Omoikane and the Prospector who was still poring over his figures.

>        “Izumi!”  Megumi yelled, running up to her.  “Are you okay?  We were so worried about you!”

>        “Bless you,” Izumi replied, and then snickered, although nobody else could figure out what was so funny.

 

Corey: You’ll find out...

Dan: What happens?

Corey: I said “you’ll find out”, and I stick by that!

 

>        “Where are Ryoko and Akatsuki?”  Akito burst in, nearly frantic to find the two. 

>        “They’re back there, somewhere.”  Izumi replied.  “I left to try and find help.”

>        Everyone nodded and began trudging back that way.  As they were walking, though, they began to notice some very strange things.  Akito was the first one to spot anything strange as he pointed to some strange silver clips laying on the ground.  “Uh. . .guys?”  He asked.  “Aren’t those their pilot suits?”

>        “Oh no!”  Yurika gasped.  “They might be hurt!  Or in trouble!”

 

Corey: I doubt it.

Jessica: ...I don’t like the way he implied that...

 

>        “Heart trouble,” Izumi snickered.  Everyone turned to look at her curiously, but then they continued walking.

>        “Um. . .is that a bra?” 

 

Rachel: It’s mine!

Ryan: You wear a bra?

Rachel: .........sometimes...

 

>        Hikaru asked curiously, pointing at the article of         .

 

Jarred: Clothing.

David: Lingerie.

Corey: I wonder where that word went?

 

>        “And such a cute one!”  Seiya agreed enthusiastically.  Hikaru elbowed him in the gut.  Hard.

>        A little ways later, they came upon another peculiarity.  “Uh. . .I’m pretty sure those are        ,” Megumi said blushingly. 

 

Rachel: PANTIES!

[Ryan and Adam whack her in the face, so hard that they knock her over the back of the chair]

 

>        “Yeah. . .”  Jun agreed, pointing to something else.  “And those are a guy’s bikini briefs.”

>        Izumi had been grinning this whole time and now she burst out laughing.

>        “Izumi, is there something that you know that we don’t?” Akito asked furiously, rounding on the woman.  “Are Akatsuki and Ryoko in some kind of danger?  You have to help us find them!”

>        “Heh, heh,” Izumi snickered.  “I’m not sure you’d like to find them now.  They’re in a state of undress!”

 

Corey: Literally.

Dan: That much was obvious.

 

>        “Don’t you mean duress?”  Jun asked curiously.

>        “Nope,” Izumi continued to chuckle.

>        “Oh my,” Megumi gasped, and began to blush.

>        “Looks like it’s not just Mr. Hory and Ms. Fresange who have something to explain,” Shiratori murmured as he stood with his arm around an infatuated Minato.

>        “But Akatsuki and Ryoko?”  Akito protested.  “Has the whole world gone crazy?” 

 

Ryan: YES! [Jumps up and runs around the cinema, acting crazy.]

Rachel: [From the chair behind her former one] Shouldn’t we do something?

Dan: Leave him, he’ll be fine.

 

>        “Of course not, silly,” Yurika replied.  “Ruri-Ruri and the Prospector are both still single.”

>        “Yeah. . .”  Akito agreed, and then began to turn a rather disturbingly pale color.  “But they’re also both alone on the Nadesico.  Together.”

 

Dan: Oh no...they’re going to...NOT BOTHER EACH OTHER!

[Everyone but Adam and Ryan (who’s still running crazy around the room...well, at least he’s still got his clothes on...) gasp]

 

>        “Gah!”  Everyone gasped, and ran back toward the ship, leaving a laughing Izumi behind.

 

Rachel: (Izumi) heheh...she said “single”!

Dan: ...yeah.

 

[the fic ends]

 

[...]

 

Voice: ...hmm, I guess it's over, then.

Dan: And I’m still waiting for my title! Who, the f@#!, wrote this garbage?!

Voice: It doesn't seem to have an author--no, wait......it says on the bar down here that the author is some guy that names himself...Brian K. Delaney. (Can't escape the properties of Word documents, we know who you are...)

Dan: Down on the bar?! (sarcastic) Well, that's convenient!

Ryan: It is, actually.

Dan: (Mr. Peabody) Quiet, you!

Corey: Hey, Ryan, I think this belongs to you. [points to the katana that’s still between his legs]

Dan: Hah, mines bigger! [points to the Vitznerik still between his legs]

Corey: (Mr. Peabody) Quiet, you!

Dan: ...yes...hey, Jarred, isn’t this yours?

Jarred: (sarcastic) I though it was yours.

Dan: …well, technically, it is, but you can have it.

Jarred: …yeah…whatever…[clicks his fingers and Vitznerik disappears]

[Corey passes the katana to Ryan, which he sheathes, in…a sheath!]

 

[...]

 

Voice:...well...what did you think?!

 

[...]

 

Dan: ...well, I don’t want to go first...

Voice: Alright, I’ll choose. [the sound of a dice being rolled on a table can be heard]

Rachel: ...what was that?

Voice: Oh, don’t worry, I’m just rolling a die.

[Everybody falls out of their seats...except Ryan - who wasn’t in one...he did fall to the ground, though, and thus, stopped acting crazy – and Adam, who rarely did anything at all]

Voice: ...ok...[sounds of a die being rolled over and over].........ok! I’ve made an order. First, will be...Jessica Mirani!

Jessica: Why so formal.

Voice: Sorry. It’s just I’ve employed two Jessicas. Review, please. And due to the number of people, they can be short, or about one thing, or whatever. Proceed.

Jessica: Ok...well, it was a Nadesico fanfic...also...it was bad. There was some pretty good story...but it could have been better...will that do?

Voice: Yeah, sure...Adam.

Adam: ......[searches his pockets]...

Ryan: [walks up to Adam] What’s that?

Adam: ......

Ryan: Uh huh...

Adam: ......

Ryan: ...ok.

Voice: What did he say?

Ryan: ...he says it sucked.

[Everyone else sighed in bemusement]

Voice: What about you?

Ryan: Well, since Adam and I are practically identical, when it comes to opinion, it kinda goes without saying.

Voice: ...right......Corey?

Corey: Oh, my turn...ok...it was obvious that this was based somewhere near the end of the series. However, at times it would seem that some of the events that should have happened, never did, and possibly vice-versa.

Voice: Nice...Rachel?

Rachel: WAH! ...ok...well...it was kinda funny...especially what Ryoko and Akatsuki were doing at the end, hee hee. And then there was Goat and Inez [giggles]

Voice: (eager and disturbed) Ok, moving on. Who’s next...d-d-d-d-d-d-d...Sarah.

Sarah: Ok, well...there wasn’t much action that I could see (I mean action action, not...you know...)

Voice: Yeah, yeah. Go on.

Sarah: I saw there was more action out here, than in there. And what’s with all the love? All the mechanics and all of How Mei’s girls? That seems too iffy, to me.

Jarred: It’s like the six of us.

Adam: ......

Jarred: Oh, don’t deny it.

Ryan: No, deny it! It’s more fun.

Adam: ......

Ryan: Oh, now you’re ruining my fun!

Voice: Ok, ok...David?

David: What can I say? ...no really, what? I can’t think of anything...

Voice: Well, think of something!

David: Ok, ok...uhh...well, they were mostly in character....hmm, that’s something you don’t see everyday.

Jarred: Yeah. I mean Yurika was a ditz, Akito was a spaz...they all seemed relatively in character. If this thing had an author, I’d give them an award...but it doesn’t, so no skin off my nose.

Voice: Good, good...Dan?

Dan: ...what? Oh...[counts the people, then counts on his fingers] ...yep, that’s everybody. Ok, well...if I had to comment on something...I’d have to say...that...it was.........short!

Everyone else: ...what?

Dan: Well, it may have been the short scenes, the lack of action, or the absence of any indication of scene changes, but it just seemed to go by a little quick.

Voice: ...short, huh? ...ok...in that case.........HERE’S ANOTHER ONE!

Everyone: ...WHAT?!

Voice: Well, that did seem a little short...so I’m going to give you another one, to make up for it.

Dan: .........NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Voice: I’ll just get it for you.

Dan: DAMN IT! WHY COULDN’T I KEEP MY BIG MOUTH SHUT?!! ...IT’S MY FORMAL ALL OVER AGAIN!

Corey: ! Shh, shh, it’s ok, go to your happy place – nice girls with Coke. Nice girls with Coke!!

 

[Everyone sits in their seats as another fic begins...it’s the end of the world, I tell ya!]

 

>        Jeica: Welcome, one and all, to Season VI of Big Brother.

 

Dan: ...what did you say?

 

  This season we have a special group of contestants, as the entire crew of the Nadesico joins us in the Big Brother household.

 

Jarred: You have got to be kidding me!

 

  We will be reverting to Season I rules of voting. . .the Head of Household will elect two people to leave,

 

Ryan: Must be another country’s BB...not that I would know, I don’t watch the shit.

 

  and you the audience will choose which one.

>        Alright, without further ado, I give you. . .Big Brother VI!!!

 

Dan: ......[gets down on his knees on the floor, with hands on his temples] NOOOOOOO!!!

Jarred: ...damn, he beat me to it!

 

>        [Big shot of a house.  It looks eerily like an old castle, but modernized.  There is a large pool in the courtyard, and a huge stable.  Of course, this won’t help the contestants much since they can’t leave the grounds.

 

Ryan: What won’t?

 

  There is also a huge kitchen with a dumbwaiter up to a dining hall.  All in all,  it’s a pretty nifty little place]

 

Corey: You mean there’s more than one floor? How interesting...

Dan: Why’s that?

Corey: I could use that for my Big Brother.

[everyone suddenly leans away from him, looking upon him with terrified expressions]

......pretend I didn’t say that...

 

>        Akito: Wow!  Check this place out!  It’s. . .it’s incredible!

 

Dan: You’ve been aboard the Nadesico and you think this is incredible? What’s wrong with you?!

 

>        Yurika: [big hearts in eyes] Oooh!  It’s just perfect!  Oh, Akito dear, we’re going to go on our honeymoon here, okay?

 

Ryan: (Akito) No.

 

>        Akito: Honeymoon, eh? [spazzes] What are you talking about Yurika?

 

Jarred: It’s like he was zoned out until he realised what she was saying.

 

>        Yurika: A-kee-to! [starts chasing him with arms outspread.  Akito shrieks and runs off]

 

Corey: (Akito) No, go away! You’re cooking’s bad!

 

>        Megumi: [sighs] I just don’t understand what he sees in her. . .she’s such a dip!

 

>        Jun; [sighs] I just don’t understand what she sees in him. . .he’s such a dip!

 

>        Megumi & Jun: Hey!  Yurika/Akito is not a dip! [glare furiously at each other, then stomp off to their bedrooms]

 

Ryan: How many bedrooms are there, anyway?

 

>        Hikaru: Oooh!  Boy is this neato or what?  Leaping lizards,

 

Ryan: I wish she wouldn’t say that.

 

 this is going to be fun!  Don’t you think so Ryoko, Izumi?

 

Jessica: (Ryoko) No f@#!ing way!

 

>        Izumi: Whatever.  Where’s the cheese dip. [Ryoko and Hikaru sweatdrop]

 

Ryan: That wasn’t even a pun, let alone a bad one.

Rachel: I think she was talking about how Jun and Megumi called Akito and Yurika dips.

Ryan: ...well, it’s supposed to be bad, as in corny...

Corey: Or Japanese oriented.

Ryan: Whatever... [to Rachel] and did I say you could talk?!

 

>        Ryoko: Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m checking out the pool.  Who’s coming with me?

 

>        Seiya: Ha!  I’m going to the – wait a second, girls in bathing suits. [lightbulb appears above head and he begins running after Ryoko] Wait for me Ryoko!  I’m coming!  Wait for Uncle Seiya, won’t you?

 

David: Uncle?

Jessica: He’ll be screaming “Uncle”, alright...

 

>        How-Mei: [shakes head] This place is a wreck.  Something simply must be done.  Mechanics! [mechanics show up, looking a little confused now that Seiya has abandoned them.] Grab those dust rags and start cleaning! [one mechanic salutes, the rest run off to do her bidding] Girls, to the kitchen! [the How Mei girls follow their almight leader]

 

David: Or almighty.

 

>        Prospector: Wow, Ruri, look at these estates.  It must cost a fortune to upkeep them!  I can’t even begin to computer. . .

 

Corey: Or compute, even.

 

[pulls out pocketbook and calculator and begins to frantically add] The expenses!

 

>        Ruri: [looks as bored as ever] Idiot.

 

Rachel: Aren’t they all?

Ryan: You’re one to talk.

Rachel: What’s that supposed to mean?

Adam: ......

Rachel: Hey, I am not!!

 

>        Erina; What am I doing here? [looks exceptionally angry, and glares at Akatsuki] How exactly am I expected to take over the world if I’m stuck in this shack?  You!  You’re the one who stuck me here, how am I supposed to excel, how am I supposed to grow?

 

Corey: (Akatsuki) Lots of water and plenty of sunlight.

[A pillow comes out of nowhere and hits him in the head]

...I’m not even going to ask...

 

>        Akatsuki: [grins and stares at her chest] I don’t think you really need to develop much more, do you, Erina?

 

>        Erina: You jumper! [blushes and wraps hand around breasts] You. . .you jumper! [runs off]

 

Corey: (Akatsuki) Hey, I’m here whenever you get cold.

 

>        Akatsuki: [rolls eyes toward sky] Like I can bosun jump.  Don’t I wish it.

 

Corey: Oh, that kind of jumper...still doesn’t make sense.

 

>        Inez: I have no idea how we got here.  I can’t even begin to explain it.

 

Jessica: Sure you can.

 

>        Gort: Don’t.

 

>        Inez: Alright.  No explanations for the rest of this trip. [nods head resolutely]

 

All except Adam: YAY!

 

>        You’re absolutely right, Gort.  This will be a vacation for me.

 

>        Gort: Okay. [notices some daisies by the side of the wall] Look.  Flowers.

 

>        Inez: Daisies to be exact.  Indigenous to this area, I’m told. . .[the two walk off, Inez still explaining about the flowers] 

 

>        Jeica: But wait!  You think that you’ve seen everyone who’ll be in this show, no?  But there’s more!  Thanks to my genius, Big Brother is no longer limited in it’s number of contestants.  I invited a few Jovians along, as well.

 

Ryan: Yes! That means there’s going to be fighting! [gets up and starts shaking his fist] Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight--

Dan: Siddown!

 

  Yes, I am aware that I brought some back from the dead. . .that’s beside the point! 

 

Ryan: Yes! [stands up and shakes his fist] Dead-fight, dead-fight!

Dan: I said siddown!

Enter. . .the Jovians!

 

>        Tskomo: Are you sure that we should be bringing Yukina on our honeymoon, darling? [he has his arm wrapped around Minato, who is wearing a huge diamond ring.] 

 

Jessica: (Minato) Well, if you could spell your name right, Tsukumo, we wouldn’t need to!

 

>        Minato: [chuckles] You try getting rid of her.

 

>        Tskomo: [blushes] Well, no, but. . .don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate?

 

>        Yukina: BROTHER!!! Are you talking about me?  If you are, you might as well tell me to my face.  Are you listening to me?  BROTHER!!! [Minato laughs, Tskomo looks flustered.  Genichirou pops in]

 

>        Geni: What’s this, Tskomo?  Letting your little sister boss you around?

>        Yukina: YOU BE QUIET!!! I haven’t gotten to you yet!